There are times when I will be wondering what am I really doing. Things get really customary in school that I am bored rigid. I did a lot of things -- creative and fun stuff -- and I'm dying to do more, but students don't seem to appreciate much. Their hearts aren't into learning and it is obvious. I have so much to give yet I have to contain them. My creativity is totally out of practice because it is not even required. I can even say it's not appreciated. I take the blame because I am made accountable but I wonder is it always the teacher's fault.
And then there is the case of very poor maintenance. I put up a reward chart (which I devoted my time into it) only to find it torn down into pieces the next few days. A lot of beautiful things done by my students seemed to cause jealousy and outraged other students. So, things were never permanent on the board. It's beyond frustrating and you can't help but wonder why these hooligans ever bother coming to school at all.
Besides, my school has excellent language lab -- even better than the one in SMK Seksyen 24 where I did my practicum. But, the LCD projector cannot be used, and the the electricity 'comes' and go as it pleases. As the one in charge of that lab, I can't even take advantage of its wonderful equipments. And so every teacher in the school has to fight for the APD Room on a daily basis and I gotta tell you, it's not pleasant. You gotta wade through the impediment and as it turned out, not many would tolerate. In the end, you just don't bother anymore. And you wonder whatever happened to all the allocation given for maintenance and how do you expect to inculcate ICT and stimulate students' interest when you have such limited resources in school? And so it is back to the mundane chalk-and-talk -- which is not that apt today.
And so I keep on wondering how long do I have to be stuck in this whole teaching and learning disarray. Everyone gets tired at one point or the other, but maybe I get exhausted way earlier than I thought.
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11 months ago
4 Replies:
em, betul jugak..kekadang aku tefikir, sampai bila nak ade kat tangge ni? memandangkan, U baru macam tempat aku, jauh plak tu dari pusat bandar, mmg banyak kurangnye.
petang tadi, aku kate kat kawan aku, after kontrak aku abes, aku nak sambung study, kalu boleh sampai phd then keje jap, wat kumpul2 modal then nak wat bisnes..betol..aku pikir camtu..
ape pun, aku tabik spring kat ko..mengajar mmg susah..especially nak grab attention anak2 orang yang kadang mkn saman, stengah lagik, rase nak tempeleng pon ade.mesti ko sabar gile kan?
anyway..best of luck.by the end of the day, ko mesti akan rase those are the sweetest things yang orang lain takkan dapat, only teachers je..
(p/s: teringat bos aku membebel pagi tadi, cikgu sekolah die slah ajar anak die. pronounce coughing as "kojing" instead of "kofing"..macam2..)
tasha, i feel u. i want to be beriya-iya juge, tapi for what?
but u know what, somehow, i think we were born with patience to keep trying. somehow, i believe, that although you're wondering today, u'll be excited to do it all again tomorrow, like today was never a disappointing day... so, at last, we keep on wondering, but we keep trying as well. we were meant to wonder about all this, and we were meant to figure out what else could trigger them to want to learn, and we were meant to be patient with them as we try. and we still are all those things. as much as i complain about teaching and how my students are so weak and have no interest to gain knowledge, i still hope that one day, the breakthrough will come, and they'll change. if not totally, a bit would do... one step at a time?
my mum said to me once,"teaching is similar to parenting. parents always wonder when will their children start listening to them. parents keep scolding, keep reminding and reprimanding, and children still forget what they say and do what they shouldn't. but they will realise one day, and so will your students. you need to keep doing what you are doing, because you never know when it will finally knock some sense into their heads. but when it does, it will change them. it doesn't matter when that change will happen, or whether or not it would happen when they are still or not your students, but what matters is it happens. and you (yes, you tasha, and me, and the others who are struggling to trigger these little minds) will have something to do with that breakthrough."
mums knows best, right? and they surely know what could soothe and inspire u in the same time =)
acom : hey acom. trime kasih la visit blog aku. doa2lah aku dapat harungi dengan jayanye. everyone can be a teacher, but to become THE teacher is not easy.
nina : yes nina. i keep telling myself not to give up and keep on trying, hoping for the breakthrough to come. but like u said, it's not something that we can get in one night. for now, i'm trying to be as positive as possible because in every child there is a goodness in them, we just have to find it :) good luck to us and the rest!
yeah, it's not something we can get in one night. or three days =P my mum did say, "don't be so hard on yourself. it's only your first year." so yeah, let's do it together, one step at a time =) all the best, tash =)
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