Joyful April

It's almost the end of April but I hope it's not too late to share with you people what a joyful month it has been. 

2 memorable events took place this month - would have been three if it's not for Fatima's early debut (she decided to say hello to the world on the 31st of March, 2 days prior to her EDD).

On the 8th of April, it was Soraya Adeena's 3rd birthday. She was really looking forward to this day because she wanted a cake. Sorry little girl, no fancy schmancy cake this time around but I am sure you absolutely loved the tiny delicious Macadamia Caramel Cheese cake ayah bought you. Oh and that one sliced Chocolate Prune Cake, too! 


I obviously just started my confinement so my husband and I were thankful that my family took the effort to drop by with food and presents for the kids. Totally made their day. I, on the other hand had to salivate over those cakes and the KFC bucket that my brother bought while all of them were having a finger-licking good time.


Couldn't be more happy with their presence!


To Soraya Adeena,

No words can truly express my love for you. It's hard not to fall in love with you and be smitten by you. Three years have passed and I see my own reflection in you without having to look into the mirror. You are definitely a joy to have and be around with and you definitely leave a pride in me and your dad. May you grow up to be the best muslimah insyaAllah, one who benefits the ummah and those around you. My prayers for you will never stop. Love you so much debob!


Then, on the 21st of April 2016, the wait was finally over. My youngest sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy weighing at 3.6 kg. We were all swelled with pride and joy with this new addition to the family. My parents were the most happy, I would say. Two new grandchildren this year!


I couldn't wait to hold my first nephew so off I went to the hospital with Fatima and my parents the next day while Luqman and Adeena were in school. I was already on my 23rd day of confinement; feeling pretty ok already hehe


Tun Muhamad Ashman Zulkarnain, you are such a cutie Mak Long so geram!

The next day, Luqman and Adeena visited Mak Su and said hi to their little cousin for the first time. 

It's still surreal, really what with me having my third child and my sister had her first. We're all grown ups already! And now we're talking mummy lingo ey!

Can't wait for May coz it'll be a joyful one for me -- the end of confinement period! Weehuu!

Third time's a charm - Part 2

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It was already 7 am. And we're still pacing up and down the room. Suddenly I had this urge to pass motion. Twice. My heart raced so fast and I panicked. I told my husband and he pressed the bell. The nurse came into our room and I told her my situation. The next thing I knew, I was rushed to the labour room on a wheelchair and I could feel my face turned white. This is it! It's time! 

Everything happened so fast. I was wheeled into this bright room with two midwives readily waiting. I was slowly transferred onto the bed. A female doctor came to check and I was already 7cm dilated. All the while, the contractions changed to expulsive, pushing ones. I was grunting with each contraction. Then, my husband came and sat next to me while holding my hand. I think he's saying words of encouragement or reciting his prayer; I don't quite know as I was too distracted with the pain and the urge to push. 

After a few minutes, the midwives got me ready into a pushing position. The doctor's been telling me when and how to push and she was so good at guiding me. She taught me how to really breathe properly with every contraction and to me, that really helped in giving birth this time around. I guess it took me 4 really long push (and tears streaming down my face) until the hard work was finally over. It was 8.36 am.

The next few minutes were blurry. I was left feeling nauseous and shaky. I was panting and my throat felt dry. I heard the midwives, the doctor and my husband rejoicing once the baby was out. "Well done!" "Good job!" were all I could make of amidst the noise. My baby instantly cried her first cry and she was put on my chest after my husband was given the honour of cutting her umbilical cord. She's beautiful, mashaAllah. Tears started to form again. My husband kissed my head and squeezed my hand. I let out a huge sigh of relief. It's over. Finally. 

Except, it wasn't really over down there. The doctor was busy examining my placenta and she made sure that nothing was left behind by pressing my tummy here and there. However, I was hardly aware of all this and the stitching as I was busy focusing on my baby and offering her the breast at the same time admiring her features. 

I was exhausted -- extremely exhausted. My hands were shaky and I felt cold. I was hungry and I instantly remembered the chicken chop that I had for dinner last night before going into battle. My husband passed me the dates and I drank half of the water in the bottle. I felt rejuvenated a bit. I looked at my husband and we both smiled. 

"She looks like her abang Luqman," I said.

"Yes, she does," my husband replied.

Syukur alhamdulillah. Selamat semuanya.

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You know. I have been having all sorts of thoughts when it comes to labour and giving birth for the third time. The fear escalates because you have gone through this twice before and you know what's coming - the signs, pain, etc. But every labour is totally different and truthfully, I didn't know what to expect. However, I have promised myself that I will try to have a normal unassisted birth this time around and alhamdulillah I managed with Allah's help. I also promised myself to not give in to pain easily and try to have natural pain relief instead of taking medical ones. Alhamdulillah, as much as I want help at some point, I aced this too, this time around. He has also made it easy for me during labour despite the long hours of battling contractions. Allahuakbar!

I guess it's true what they say -- The third time's always a charm. 



Third time's a charm - Part 1

I took a peek at the clock and I noticed that the time seemed to slow to a crawl. I looked at my husband who was snoring away softly on the sofa bed, all curled up just like a baby (I let him sleep and didn't wake him up because I knew he was equally exhausted and once the baby's out, he will have to run around to settle the post-labour chores. So yeah, let him get his rest). I told myself that it's going to be a very long night. I inhaled and exhaled.

Earlier today, I was alarmed by the bloody show that appeared. As there were no contraction pains yet, I decided to wait and got my hospital bag ready in the meantime. The discharge continued to pass until late evening and by that time, I'd started to feel the contractions slowly coming in. My husband came home, fetched the kids and off we went to my parents' to drop Luqman and Adeena before making our way to the hospital. Once there, the doctor who checked told us that I was already 3cm dilated. I could go back home and come here again when it's time but with the third child anything's possible. We took the doctor's advice and decided to stay for the night. 

With one hand at my waist and the other rubbing my bulging tummy, I paced around the room despite the labour contractions that were coming in quite regularly and more intense. I tried to relax but the pain -- oh boy, the pain! 

I had been alternating between walking and resting. I had tried leaning on a pillow and also the knee-chest position every time the pain kicked in. I focused on my breathing, too. God knows how sleepy I was. At one point, I think I dozed off on the bed as I was too tired only to be awakened by the entrance of the nurse, pushing in the electronic fetal monitor machine. 

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3 hours had passed. Pain's coming in still quite regularly and the intensity was still moderate. 3 more hours and it would be Fajr. By this time, I was already feeling very anxious and emotional. I just couldn't wait for the baby to come out. I almost gave up. It felt like ages! My husband's also awake. I guess my loud breathing and my little cries and howls sort of woke him up.  Anyway, he held my hand and paced with me around the room through what seemed like an endless transition. He was quiet most of the time - partly still feeling sleepy and partly because being quiet was the best thing to do at that moment. 

Every 10 minutes I would slow down and stopped and gripped my husband's hands so tightly. I cringed, shook my head and remember saying, "Ya Allah! Sakit!" everytime the contractions came. He would rub my back, cuddle me and whispered "Hang in there. Sikit je lagi ni". I nodded and continued pacing.
Tears started to form in my eyes. I recited the zikir and constantly prayed to Allah to please make everything easy for me. Luqman and Adeena suddenly came to mind and I became more emotional. I breathed in and breathed out slowly. I could do this, I told myself. 

I poured myself a glass of water and ate the date -- it was my 5th for the night -- and continued walking.

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I slowly opened my eyes. I was on the bed. I must have dozed off again. My husband was curled on the sofa bed. There was a knock on the door and the nurse came in wheeling that machine again. I was strapped with the elastic belts on my tummy. My eyes darted to the clock and it was almost 5.30 am. I sighed. "Sakitla nurse" I told her and she smiled. "Almost there" she replied. "Do you want any painkiller or gas?" I shook my head. "Keep on moving and walking. If you rasa macam nak buang air besar after this, you cepat-cepat tekan bell ya". I nodded weakly and she went out. I pulled myself to a sitting position. The pain was now so intense I felt like screaming on the tops of my lung. This whole transitional phase was the most difficult part -- the pressure and the pain my body was enduring; where do I even begin???

Then, it was time for Fajr prayer. I could hear the Azan from a nearby mosque. I moved my husband. He couldn't believe it was already dawn (he thought time passed by so quickly) while I, on the other hand, thought it was the longest night in my entire life. Together we prayed. In my last rakaat, the pain almost knocked me down from the chair, leaving me feeling all shaky. I thought, this is it. Maybe it's time.  

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to be continued

A life's begun

After 39 weeks and 5 days of growing my baby, an overnight of battling contractions, and an hour of giving birth, our little girl was finally born. 
It's the moment that we've all been anticipating for. Despite the exhaustion and the emotional wreck I have been, I can say that both my husband and I have never felt so happy, too. 


As we held our newborn, the realisation that we are responsible for this precious new life can feel daunting. We feel like we're new parents once again. The first few days were quite overwhelming and hectic so to speak. I remember feeling a little bit weepy - a combination of raging hormones and exhaustion - and I wasn't feeling all that elated every minute of the day. Fast forward to another 2 weeks, I am spending the time of my baby's life in an exhausted but happy haze. In between feeds (lotsa of 'em! I forgot how much a newborn is attached to your boobs) nappy changes, and her around-the-clock schedule, we are indeed excited with our bundle of joy (it is still very surreal, really).

Though it's our number three, we're still grappling and at times overwhelmed by the responsibility. Alhamdulillah, we get lots of support and help from both our families. I really owe my mom and husband for helping and supporting me so that I get sufficient rest to care for the new baby. Also, seeing my husband handling the day-to-day chores and trying hard to keep the house (and all of us) together reminds me why I love him in the first place. 

I will definitely blog about my labour story. Like I have mentioned before, I didn't know what to expect this time around, and as it turned out, it was something different altogether. As they say, third time's a charm!

For now, meet our little girl, Fatima Eiliyah, named after Prophet Muhammad's (SAW) daughter. May she grow to become someone beautiful, calm and serene and loved by Allah -- as what Eiliyah is supposed to mean. Amin, insyaAllah.

Just a few minutes after she was out from the womb


Looking a lot like Abang Luqman

Luqman and Adeena meeting Fatima for the very first time :)

As for now, wish us luck! We hope to survive the bleary-eyed days and get our sleep back probably soon. NOT.

The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)