balik kampung

Yesterday evening, we went back to my mother's kampung for buka puasa. I was itching to go back for I haven't stepped on my grandparents' compound for quite some time. The last time my family went back I didn't tag along as I had a school replacement. So the trip back was very much anticipated as I miss my atok and nenek and their home, also known as Alang Kenangan.

Much to our surprise, it wasn't just us who decided to come home for buka puasa. It turned out, there were another 2 families, both my mother's brothers, who arrived prior to our arrival. My face lit when I saw two of my cousins, Ika and Aliah whom I haven't met for God-knows-how long and my eyes grew even wider when I stepped into the kitchen : food of various kind neatly arranged on the dining table. I began to wonder if the food that we brought along will be reserved some space.

The food was just too much to begin with haha From nasi ambang, to yong tau foo, to ayam panggang (whole chicken), popiah basah, popiah goreng, an array of kuih muihs, three different types of drinks, roti boom, murtabak, bubur lambuk. I think I missed out on quite a number of others. Every family thought it was just them who would be home this weekend, and little did we know we would meet and together we brought along food of our choice. Hence, we didn't know which to begin with. The food when brought down, as we decided to eat on a tikar, was lined from one end to the other. Looking at it, one would agree that those food were more than sufficient to feed another 3 families.

Soon, plates and bowls were passed around. We ate heartily but I controlled my intake as I wouldn't want to be bloated, but I eventually did as a result of too much water. Atok ate quite a lot, as opposed to his usual eating nature. I guess his appetite grew by our presence. It was such an enjoyable and intimate moment for all of us although we didn't talk that much. We were all pretty much engrossed with the food on our plates. The only thing missing was a camera to capture the moment and the food of course.

And then came the cleaning and we prayed. I was quite pleased that the leftovers were not that plenty so the food wasn't put to waste. Later my aunts and uncles together with my parents continued the cleaning of the house and it got a make-over of some kind. The children helped a bit but later we were all tuned to the tv together with atok watching the ridiculously funny audition of the Penyampai Ikon. Our laughters filled the air of the watching area, while the elders' voices and the sounds of moving and shuffling can be heard in the entire house. Furnitures were moved to a more suitable place, rooms were redecorated--all in a matter of 3 hours before we decided to be the first to leave.

My grandparents' house is now even more beautiful and it has that modern taste added to it. I have always liked the house. It is the closest I have to something which is very kampung-like and the loo! How can I forget the loo which is totally separated from the house. I still remember during my younger days when I was awake in the middle of the night and I just had to relieve myself. Imagine walking dizzily out into the dark and once in the small cubicle the only thing which was of my main concern was when the hantu is going to appear! Haha I can't quite believe it is the very same house which all of my mother's siblings (12 altogether) have sheltered and it is now still standing albeit decades have passed for us the cucus and cicits to be part of. I guess it is the most valuable asset to all of us apart from the Sarkam descendent which is growing every year. is No wonder it is named Alang Kenangan for the house, no doubt, faithfully stores memories ever since the Japanese Occupation.

My brother and father in front of Alang Kenangan during last year's Raya

The so-called hang-out area at the front of the house

Can't wait for raya!

letting it out

As far as the term friendship is concerned, I can say that I am (more often than not) mutually cooperative and supportive of my friends. That I (more often than not) show esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service in times of needs or crisis. I think most people who are acquainted with me can affirm that for I have shown I am worthy of the aforementioned description.

Also, as far as the term friendship is concerned, I am one who will come across as the very least expected person to be sensitive about certain things related for I can be as indifferent as I want to be. Because I always put on my 'tak apa lah, tak kisah lah' attitude. But when I do, I can bravely say that my feelings aren't just tickled, but they are toyed; being played to the extent that I feel like what I do or say are worthless.

I know, I hardly speak up and I am of the opinion that if it's not important, and it doesnt hurt me that bad, why create a scene. And for that, I think I have swallowed so many biles that I've forgotten how bitter it tastes like.

Banyak sangat dugaan bulan Ramadhan ni. But I know there is the hikmah behind what has happened. For one, my eyes are even widely opened and God has helped me see what I was blinded from before. For now, I am my usual self and I'm going about my business as usual. I am going to put on a face cheerful enough so that I won't be reminded it ever happened. I'm letting it all out and I'm clearing my inner self. Hopefully the relief will ensue soon. And I hope this will be the last of any sappy, sad, and hormonal-derived posts.

Three more days till the school reopens. Is it any wonder why I am not excited at all.

I think I keep too many disappointments to myself that I am secretly offended.

What a surprise.


Guys, watch out!

Just when you could blame everything that we (the kaum hawa) do or behave on PMS, now we have something to tie you people on too!!


I was watching 3R yesterday while breaking the fast and it was one of the topics highlighted. I felt so thrilled that I googled it up and true enough, it does exist. Little did I know men too fall victim to hormone fluctuations. Blame the testosterone, yah?

I guess it's not that visible because men don't have their monthly menstrual cycle while it's been long acknowledged that women always get beaten whenever it's their monthly callings.

Read here to know more.

internal affair

A lot of things happened lately. I worry for ayah, the things he had to endure--which I believe are tests from the Almighty. The last time ayah fell 'sick' was the time when we had anticipated the worst. All of us were in a state which we never expected to be in and never will again. I've never seen ayah cried that bad and somehow it's starting to happen again.

I hate it when others do this to my dad. Yes, blood ties will never die but I don't like how that is being used as a mean to get to something; to achieve their hidden agenda, to use it as the only solution to everything. Ayah has the kindest heart and apparently people take that for granted.

I don't like how all this has turned out and especially how it has made me. As much as I want to deny it, I've accumulated a certain disgust whenever a certain uncle or aunty from my paternal family is mentioned. For so long, I've been patient and mute, I've been the listener to conversations sewn with tears and unspeakable angst. I believe I am in no position to dwell in 'orang tua' business but I'm not that young, innocent, naive little girl anymore. I know what is happening and I know my family's rights.

If it's not for my senses and my patience, I would have stepped forward and shoot them with my words. But I still respect the elders although they don't always show the best of examples.

I keep on telling myself that Allah is great and He is testing us now. And I pray everyday that He makes us strong and show us the right path and that we make the right decisions.

"And We shall try you until We test those among you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your reported (mettle)" - 47 : 31

And no, this post is not at all related to the previous one (in case you're wondering)

a difficult one

I think it is high time for me to speak my mind to some (read : one) insensitive people who think the world revolves (only) around them.

And that is not even the first time I am having such thoughts. I have lost count of how many times I've decided to proceed with such confrontation that it has become quite embarrassing to even have it crossed my mind again.

Confrontation is never easy. Even if you have all the guts in the world, it's never going to be a straightforward kinda thing. Consequences are bound to be negative. And even if you have dealt with it lucratively, things might never be the same again for both parties. I guess people don't like to be told of the ugly truth.

Options : Let them be, and you will feel guilty when more and more people start to criticize. And you pun keep on makan hati. Or, meet head-on and be ready to get spat. Or not.

I don't know. I really feel I'm not the best person to do such thing, because I know things might not be the same again if I do. But somehow I feel obliged to do so; to prove that I am not weak, and I am not someone others can step on and take granted for. Too many a time I've felt like a fool, that I am the cause of everything that's happened in their lives, and that my feelings are worthless compared to theirs'.

I could have just done it when I had the chance, but I simply let it float away. Apparently, I still have my senses and I feel that the altercation might be the last thing that should take place. You see I have a kind heart (or so I think) or maybe I'm just saving the embarrassment for the both of us. I don't know. I might be heavily one-sided but I know for the most part, I am not wrong.

Seriously. I wish they could see what other people see.


I have never felt so relieved ever since the first semester break. The holiday has officially started even yesterday for me as my school had its Merdeka Month Opening Ceremony today.

My choir team performed gloriously despite the one blunder which was frustrating.

The whole celebration, to me was one of its kind. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. For the most part, the students' attendance was more than satisfactory. Although it was raining early in the morning, that didn't stop them from coming to school and the marching squad deserved a standing ovation for not making the rain as an excuse.

Let the pictures tell.

Happy Holidays to my teacher friends and Happy Fasting to all Muslims! :)

get me out of here!

I'm not going to talk about school no matter how terrible the urge is. I'm not. It's just so depressing. It's the usual stuff which might not interest anyone -- most of my friends are teachers, they wouldn't want to read something that they already know.

So. Apart from school, my social life is now defined by going to (just) weddings -- many of them on every weekend. And that's about it. Nothing more. Jaya Jusco Bukit Tinggi is as far as the perimeter goes -- even that haven is just 10 minutes away from my house. Totally pathetic, I know. But the 5 days spent in school always wiped me out and I just don't have the energy to meronggeng come the weekends. I forget what Sunway Pyramid feels like, I long to stroll happily on OU's ground, and for the most part I hardly get out of Klang!! How sad is that? And that being said, of course I hardly have time to catch up with friends. I totally suck at this. I feel sorry for myself because I know this shouldn't be the reason for not acquanting.

Thank God 21st August is just lurking around the corner. Oh yes, I see you!! I cannot wait for the one week break to come for obvious reasons. Just like Syada said, "the academic calender shouldn't stretch more than 4 weeks long", for the sake of a teacher's sanity. Seriously.

And so I will just have to wait for another week to pass by oh so very slowly. Sheesshh...

p/s : I read Jaime's and Faa's blog and I realised just how much I miss my fellow IPBArians. And I found this picture and God, it brought back good memories. Saya rindu semua orang!!

three words for you

I can't believe after almost 6 years, I still experience this butterflies whenever I'm meeting him. That whenever he flashes that smile of his, I blush and my heart drums so loud my chest feels like exploding. Wow.

I don't know what you do babe, but I am so in love with you. And I am amazed by you. (Wah?!)

Excuse me lah ha, suddenly mood jiwang :)

change, is it?

We always say that people change. She has changed. He has changed. C has changed. I mean, if we really care, we'd stop and ponder about this 'change' we so often blurt out whenever our close acquaintances, friends, or relatives show the signs.

That we're not on the same wavelength, we don't go to the usual place anymore, or our opinions differ for that matter.

Often, we hear married people after years of living together complaining how their spouses have changed. I mean, really? Because if we really care to stop and ponder, people don't change as time goes by, but time reveals of who they really are.

So yes, think about it. We don't change, but our true colours begin to emerge and that is the revelation.

good dose of happiness and joy

One of my good friends, Dayana is back for good!!!

Another good, long-time best girlfriend has delivered a cute, healthy baby girl!!! Congratulations Nazliah!!

Picture taken from here

And..... my other close friend is getting engaged soon!! Congratulations, Hudah!!

And not to mention Hidah's temporary return completes the trio!!

(Did I mention that Hudah and Hidah are twins?)

tough times

The past week has been really tiring, not to mention very testing on top of it all. I could have said no when they asked me but how can I possibly do that? I pitied the Panel and I know the look of dependability when I see one . The pressure is so visible that there was no need to hear it being said out loud.

So yes. I've been training the choir team for about a week now and I don't (at all) like how everything is being handled and how everything has turned out so far. It is so difficult when I myself do not have the basic knowledge of all this 'choir'-ing, and harmonizing the voices. Although I have been in one many years before, it's not something that I can proudly use as a basis for my responsibility now.

The students are (at times) extremely difficult to handle for a start. They just can't stay still, they play around, and they are not serious. Many times I visualize myself happily smacking each one of them on the head. The worst is, majority of them represented their primary schools before and they are not helping at all! Everything has to come from me. They just want to be spoon-fed.

I think I have spent more time in school for the past week (and you could imagine how the whole school has started to make me feel suffocated) and seriously, I don't mind going home very late every single day. It's just that I wish these students would at least appreciate my sacrifices -- that I stayed back and waited for them coming in lenggang-kangkong-ly (not at all punctual) when the time spent with them could have been used relaxing and finishing up my novels, that they at least could show some respect to me and not regard me as just another teacher, and for once show me that they are really up for it. At the rate of how everything is going right now, I'm not surprised if they would be boo-ed. But of course, I'm not going to let that happen now, am I?

Susah deal dengan manusia yang perangai berbagai-bagai. Habis sekolah, have to deal with another bunch of students lagi. But of course, I accepted this responsibility. I can't quit and I won't. You want choir team? I'll give more than what you asked for!

The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)