Almost there

It's hard to believe that I am already at my 39th week when it just felt like yesterday when we found out I was expecting. I'm in the homestretch! The anxiety, fear, and excitement are kinda overwhelming I would say. 

39 weeks pregnant me and my 34 weeks pregnant sister.

I am at that stage where everything is just not comfortable anymore. Sleeping at night is such a chore - tossing and turning to find the right position. I walk like a penguin at the rate of a gliding snail. Pregnancy at 39 weeks also means that I am always attuned to any signs of labor, which is quite scary. Yes, I am scared. Ohh, the contraction, the ultimate pain *shudders* 

It's the waiting game! And it's killing me. A little tiring don't you think? Since both my kids made their debut exactly at 40 weeks (Luqman on his EDD and Adeena came out a day earlier),I should expect the same with the third one, no? Hopefully. 

My kids have been asking the same question every single day on when is the baby coming out while rubbing and kissing my tummy. It's cute when Adeena tries to make conversation with her younger sibling in the tummy. 

We try to spend quality time as much as we can as a family now, knowing that after delivery, my focus will be shifted ultimately on the baby. I really hope that Luqman and Adeena will be able to understand later and not feel that detachment. 

I'm sure they'll be over the moon when the baby arrives hehe

For now, I would say preparation is almost 85% complete. However, I just can't get started on packing my hospital bag I just don't know why. Terrible I know. At this point of time, that bag should already be in the car when in reality it is still empty somewhere in my wardrobe. I hope I still have time.

Work wise, I didn't plan on taking leaves earlier and just continue to go to work until the end (just like my previous pregnancies) but on second thought (well, just two days ago actually), I decided to start resting this coming Wednesday. The doctor agrees and hopefully I'll get to relish the peaceful me-time three days prior to my due date. I already made mental plans on what I should be doing on that three days. So looking forward!

While I should be getting ready to celebrate, I actually dread the prospect of having to deliver a baby *cold sweat*. Please pray for me. Please pray that I would be calm and okay and that I will get through this delivery day fears. Who knows, the next time I post something here, my baby is already home :)

Magical love

There's just something magical about grandparents when it comes to their grandchildren. It's a bond like no other - the unconditional love. 

Whenever I see my parents with my kids, I wonder why weren't they the way they are right now when they were with us many many yeas ago? I guess it's because of their new role which doesn't put any pressure on them as parents. They can just enjoy their grandchildren for who they are.

 This laidback, joyful freedom way of handling kids, I presume, is why most grandchildren love their grandparents so much. I mean it's true right? With Atok and Nanny or Wan, it is so much fun because they seem to get away with pretty much everything; especially when it comes to food and gadgets. While I used to get all tense and uncomfortable because of this discipline-out-of-the-window thingy, I have come to learn to just let it go. After all, I don't want to be the 'party pooper', do I? Bukannya selalu. But of course, the line is drawn and some things have been made clear and we're all good.

Today, it's no surprise that grandparents' involvement in our kids' lives is even more important. It's comforting to know that there are other adults who love our children and are definitely looking out for them. In times of difficulties, my husband and I can never be more grateful that both our parents are just a call away and they can help take some of the pressure off us. 

While some might not agree with the involvement of the grandparents, I guess deep down we all do want some of it. Just not in a judgmental, meddling way but more to a loving and supportive way. 

Let's face it. Grandparents are VIPs -  at least to my kids. When they're with Atok and Nanny or Wan, we're forgotten! Haha They'll tell us how it is so much fun with their grandparents that sometimes I tend to think we're going to lose! However, upon seeing how smitten they are with their grandchildren, how they coo on very photos and the way their eyes lit when Luqman and Adeena entertain them with their antics, it gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling. 

And I smile thinking how lucky my kids are to have such loving and doting grandparents who don't need much to feel special; they already are special the moment their grandchildren were born :)

Missing Atok

When I answered the call from my sister yesterday afternoon to a sobbing voice at the other end of the line, I somewhat knew. I have been having that inkling since the day when we were all told that he was getting weaker. 

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un 
"We surely belong to Allah and to Him we shall return."

Just yesterday morning we were all alarmed by his worsened condition. Our Mak Ngah who has been taking care of Atok informed us family that he was too weak to even budge and he barely opened his eyes. The doctor came to the house and injected some glucose as he was hypoglycemic. Mom was already there the moment we were told. 

God knows better - a few hours later, Atok was gone. He was 93 years old. 

We rushed back to Kanchong Darat just in time before the Jenazah prayer was about to be performed. Alhamdulillah, sempat tengok wajah Atok. I didn't get to see and kiss Nenek when she passed away two years ago because we arrived quite late. 

I am quite disappointed because I can't even remember the last time I visited Atok. I didn't get to see him at the last cousin's wedding we attended because he already went back -- he was feeling uncomfortable. 

Yesterday, Atok looked so calm and serene. Despite the heat, it rained very heavily; leaving the earth with some fresh smell. The sweet fragrance of the after rain accompanied Atok throughout the process. Alhamdulillah.

 He was well-known in Banting as he was a teacher and Guru Besar. Everybody pretty much know who Wak Sarkam or Cikgu Sarkam was. He served the community well. May he be placed among the good, amin.

Allahyarham Haji Sarkam bin Ramlan

Sick days

It's been the toughest and testing two weeks so far. We've all been under the weather for God-knows-how-long. And we all know getting sick is never fun. Imagine getting sick while you're pregnant - worst! It's the last thing I need, but it can happen all too easily. Being sick for two is twice as uncomfortable already and I had to look after the other three members of the household, too. 

It all started with me going down with the bug - suffice to say I got the whole sick package. Was on medical leave for two days - a continuation from the weekend. Then, Luqman followed suit. Expected, Deena joined in the trio later. The best of prevention doesn't always do the trick, so my husband fell prey to this vicious trap, too -  the nasty virus that's been lurking in the household. 

The thing about being a mom who falls sick is this - you're almost not allowed to. Moms don't fall sick, remember? It's a universal truth!  When I inevitably succumbed to the nasty virus, I remember thinking there's no way I am going to be sick. I just couldn't let everything go for a while. Laundry, dishes and clutter piles - that helpless feeling which resulted me being one cranky mom. 

As much as I want to curl in bed, put myself first to get the rest I need, I know it remains a wishful thinking as it is. When moms are sick, business is as usual. My kids needed me. I had been shouldering the extra load especially when my husband was down for the count; I took lots of midnight temperatures, wiped lots of little noses, cleaning up the vomits and  sponging those fiery hot bodies until I fell asleep in a sitting position.

Thinking back, I shuddered. I shuddered because I managed, I tackled the mess with vengeance for days despite my weak condition. But I have to give credit to my husband, too for even though he was weak beyond compare, he tried to help around, letting me rest and had my shift off. 

Alhamdulillah, all is well now. I am better. Kids have recuperated and hubby is out and about already in Bangkok for the next three days. 

I know I probably shouldn't say this but I think I am amazing *blows nails*. Moms are amazing, really. We're sick yet we still run the house. We're super humans. For one, we just don't get sick days.

The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)