alhamdulillah

You know, I really should count my blessings. Other's problems are far greater than mine. I still live with my family. I am teaching at a school that is way better than many others. I have some great colleagues. I have my close friends just a drive away if I need to see them. I am getting married soon. And the list goes on.

Life's been really great so far. So, yes. I really should count my blessings. Allah has been giving and giving that sometimes I forget to be thankful. Alhamdulillah.

palettes of love

It's only January and I have my calendar marked of friends and cousins' wedding dates up until the end of the year. It's so crazy! Everybody I know are getting married this year. Including yours truly hehe Isn't it fun? And not to mention it's also the time of baby bloomers. I have lost count who have given birth and who will be soon.

Time really flies and it's hard to believe that these people are your friends whom you've grown up with, people you've known all your life and also friends whom in school were among the least expected ones to get married first.

And I can't wait to join the bandwagon soon! Speaking of which, it gives me headache to even think of the preparation involved. There's just so much to do! I hope everything will go on smoothly. I've always heard people say that brides-to-be will suffer a few months prior to the wedding day and whoever said it's fun needs a slap, but I will try to make every step towards my big day a pleasant experience.

The countdown has begun!

kisah si kerani

Now I know why during Induksi we were reminded to frequently check our progress and our Fail Peribadi from our school clerks from the first day we report ourselves to schools until we are ready for our pension.

Reasons being :
1. Clerks are humans too. They can be forgetful and careless.
2. It is our right to check and see our files for our own contentment and also to double check.

I just got to know that I haven't got my Pergerakan Gaji yet (while some others have got theirs) and after today, if I didn't check with my clerk, I wouldn't know that she has been keeping my Surat Pengesahan Lantikan for almost 2 months. Two freaking months! Can you imagine? I should have checked with her earlier.

I was worried sick when other Ipbarians have long received theirs and I, who went for my interview around June last year didn't receive mine. I checked my status online and clearly it stated that my letter, dated 18th Nov 2009, was sent to me via my school. So I lay the fault on her. How can she forget such important document?

Oh, and did I mention that once she wrote my JPS number and the date when I reported myself wrongly? It was that one time when another fellow teacher decided to check her file that I decided to tag along. I was really thankful we did.

I am just relieved that everything is almost sorted out, but after what happened, I am constantly paranoid and worried of any future carelessness. Apparently, this particular clerk had done so many mistakes in the past which affected so many teachers regarding their PTK and their pengesahan.

I pray that mine will be spared from any of those.

workplace

Like many of you out there, our workplace is one venue which we cannot run away from. It's like our second home. To some, the workplace is the only ground which they can be free of family's weight or any other problems. It's a place where they can take refuge from personal issues that seem pressing.

As for me, the school is the one place that I too, cannot run away from, whether I like it or not. It used to be an institution where I received my 11 years of education. Now, it has become a place where I report myself everyday as an educator.

At the mention of my school's name (or any other school for that matter), I can almost feel the stress building inside of me. At one point, it gave out that negative connotation which fellow teachers can relate to. My workplace can be the most stressful working setting ever but it can also be the most fun place to be. To be honest, I can count the days when I really really looked forward to be in school.

Is it that bad, you might ask. Well, I say it depends. It could be far worse that one can imagine. To me, it's not the teaching that is dreadful. The students I can tolerate. But it's the other stuffs that bog me. Other stuffs which include the never-ending paperwork, other stuffs which are too time consuming, other stuffs which are too petty to be attended by a teacher. In a nutshell, this 'other stuffs' which a teacher has to do all year round that's taxing, not too mention tiresome.

But, I quite enjoy this madness. On some days, I feel like I am having a breeze at work despite the hectic and chaos of moving here and there, having to juggle everything. At the end of the day, I feel like a superwoman, not believing that I actually managed everything pretty well. But on every other day, I can't help but wonder why me? And why here? You get the idea.

My point is, as much as we hate our workplace, try to see the silver lining. Consider it as our home, where we feel an instinctive connection to, a sense of belonging although it can be really difficult sometimes. You'll be surprised how optimism and positivity can change everything. As for me, I see it this way : My workplace is where geniuses and talented ones are and will be born. And I will be the one giving birth to them.

If that isn't fun enough, I don't know what is :)

a ride on the wheel

We went for our first (complete) family outing yesterday. We decided to bring mama out for some fresh air and Mid-Valley was the place. Although mama is now stronger, she still walks at a very slow pace and she couldn't afford to walk for a long time. So we decided to push her on the wheelchair we got from the concierge, despite her initial resistance.

It was quite an experience for all of us having a family member being wheeled in a public place. We received looks and stares from people which I took as sympathy. As for me, I didn't mind the slightest bit. Coincidentally, we encountered many people on wheel chairs which was quite surprising. We joked that they all wanted to keep mama company so that she won't feel like an outcast hehe

After a while, she got used to it. She thought it was kinda fun and such a 'ride' it was. At one point, mama needed to go to the ladies and so my brother said, "Haa, apa kata mama pergi toilet disabled since you're on a wheelchair?". Thank God mama laughed ! -- something which we try not to make her to since laughing causes mama to feel pain in her lower abdomen.

I'm happy that she's in good spirits and let's hope that she will be even stronger! InsyaAllah.

simply great

My brother is home for a month's holiday. My sister is still at home - so much for wanting to work. She actually quit after her first day. Hangat hangat tahi ayam sungguh! With the two of them home, I don't have to worry about mama that much. They can look after her and run some errands.

Both of my younger siblings are greater cooks than myself, so they have been cooking all sorts of meal every single day; which to me is such a blessing. My sister has been so kind to the extent that she actually offers to pack me some food to school. I told her to stop after a few days though. I didn't want to burden her.

Since I have been arriving home at 5 pm almost everyday for the past three weeks, they seem to understand exhaustion gets the best of me. The next thing I know, my working attire has been ironed. They're just too kind. It might look like I am taking them for granted but you wouldn't want to decline such good offer right?

As for now, life is really great :)

anak-anakku

It's been three weeks now. School's been okay, as I managed to get a hang of it right from the start. Everything seems to fall into place. But it's still in the first month. Quite early to tell, isn't it?

I am teaching three Form 1 classes this year, which means I will normally be flat out at the end of each day.The thing about having to teach the Form 1 kids is that it is fun just as it is also exhausting.

Don't get me wrong. I truly love teaching them all. With them, I can do all sorts of activities and I don't have to worry about getting them to respond. They are a bunch of hyper kids themselves and I am normally entertained with their put ups and spontaneous acts. With them, time normally flies without me even realising it that I treasure every lesson with them. In fact, I look forward to meet them every single day - something which I didn't quite experience last year with my former students.

But with them also means that my classroom management is in dire need of improvement. I am not just a teacher but a mom and a babysitter. Instead of having 2 or 3 kids, I have 34 in each class (times 3 classes and you tell me how many little children I have!) to look after. Each differs from personality and behaviour. And all demanding your attention at the same time. Imagine you're attending a boy here, suddenly Iman over there screamed for you because Naim took his book; at the same time Aida at the back shouts "Teacheeerrrr!!! Hajar kacau saya!!!", and then you just noticed poor Nazeer has been standing in front of you for quite some time asking for the Toilet Pass. And you turned to the other part of the class and you caught Kafabil and Mukmin practising their wrestling skills on the God damn floor. Pheww! But I enjoy the noisiness, the chaotic atmosphere. There was a time when I just stood there in the class, letting the noise drown me. I smiled.

And don't even start with their names. I have dozens of Nabilah(s) and Nadirah(s), a few Asyraaf(s) and not to mention quite a number of out-of-this-world names which make me pant by just saying them. Many times I called my students not by their names and I got irritated when they did not respond, not knowing that the so-called names do not exist in that class. Malu sendiri. And I caught a few giggles from the girls.

Kau cuba jadi cikgu sekarang, boleh tak hafal nama semua?

They are indeed, extremely hard to control and they have very short attention span but they give me one thing which I really appreciate - respect.

alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, the surgery went well. Mum was wheeled into the room on her bed at approximately 6.15 pm yesterday after almost 3 and a half hours in surgery. She was conscious at about 8 pm. She waved at my sister! So cute.

The doctor informed us that she is doing fine. The pain will kick in later but it will be bearable. Let's hope so. We stayed until it was time for all visitors to leave but ayah stayed with mum. I am waiting for my sister to come back from her 'Ujian Undang-undang'. Then, we will go to the hospital and stay with mum.

I better get ready then.

a piece of news

When I first got to know it, I was happily shopping at Paddy's Market during my visit to Sydney 2 weeks ago. My heart dropped and my muscles became numb.

My mother is scheduled for an operation this Friday due to an overgrown fibroid. God knows how nervous and scared I am. The gynecologist informed her this piece of news when my mom went for her check-up as she has been complaining of pelvic pressure, "feeling full" in the lower abdomen which resulted in lower abdominal pain, and the increase in her menstrual bleeding a few months back. Little did we know that those are the symptoms of a uterine fibroid which in her case has grown up to 9cm.

I almost cried (I actually cried like crazy in my room after that) when mom told us that she will be undergoing hysterectomy which is the surgical removal of not only the fibroid but also the uterus. It is the most commonly performed surgical procedure in the treatment of fibroids and is considered a cure. Unlike myomectomy, which is the surgical removal of the fibroids only, the doctor suggested the first surgery to avoid any further complications. Since mom doesn't have the intention of getting pregnant anymore, hysterectomy is the best option. Oh, and did I mention hysterectomy with removal of the fallopian tubes and ovaries too? There were days when I can't even look at her because the thought of having them removed is just too much too take.

A few days ago marked the very last time mum getting her monthly period. After Friday, she will be permanently menopaused and I know it's going to be a difficult phase for her to endure. I've read on the internet what normally happens during post-surgery and what will my mom go through. I am seriously scared.

I pray that everything will go well and that Allah gives her the strength to go through this. Dear friends, please pray for her too.

The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)