I have come to realize that quite a number of my friends have lost their fathers. Some only recently and very unexpectedly. As one who follows some of their blogs, I can absolutely feel their pain and sadness. There's a tinge of remorse in their posts too as a result of thinking that there will always be another day, until it is too late. I have gathered that taking one for granted is never to be done especially if it's your family members.

I can't help but think of the 'what ifs'. Just the thought of not being able to see my father anymore easily makes me shudder. Because I cannot not see him for a day although we might not spend that much of a time together.

Ever since that one time when ayah was sick, I get very alarmed whenever he complains of a backache, or if his arthritis seems to bug him more than ever. As one who hardly complains, we can tell if ayah is in real pain or not. That is why I can get very emotional especially when my dad starts using the oh-so-cliche phrase "Bila ayah dah takde nanti...". Almost immediately I can feel a lump forming in my throat and I get all teary, which is quite dramatic I would say.

Seeing friends whose fathers (or parents) are sick really touches my heart. I have witnessed how terrible and testing a phase it was to one of my close friend. But she was lucky because she got to spend every single moment with her mother and took care of her (she quit her job) until that fateful day when she finally left all of them.

I have learned that when it comes to your family, sacrifices will bear its fruits - although sacrificing might appear difficult to some of us. So let us all pray for our parents' health and prosperity and that they will lead long and fulfilling lives. Amin.

same ol' same ol'

I seem to forget what it's like to really really relax and have some time to myself. Apparently, I can't even take a breather after those hectic weeks. There are just too many things to do; one after another! Although I know how cliche it sounds.

Makes me realise how unhappy that had made me become. There were times when I am really having second thoughts about my choice of vocation. Can we really fall out of passion about something? As it turns out, we're not that 'lilin yang menerangi orang lain' anymore. We (or I) have become that 'lilin yang terbakar' instead.

They say you have to enjoy what you're doing in which I am. Or was enjoying. But after a while, it doesn't work that way anymore because there are just too many heartaches and backlashing going on it is suffocating working in a truly hypocritical environment. Apparently, playing it really low seems to ignite people's mouths too.

You know, it doesn't matter if the kids are downright terrible. I can certainly handle that. But if it's the administrators/colleagues are giving you a hard time, that is something which is not okay. Not at all.

I wonder how others can really cope and what's even more spiteful is that my friends seem to enjoy themselves very much in their own school. I wonder if I am just making excuses for myself.

pleasing myself

I don't know my sense of fashion anymore. As far as I am concerned, I haven't been dressing up for a very a long time. I am not sure if I have lost it. It is scary to realise that while I used to take forever to pick what to wear, I now can simply reach for whatever that is pleasing to my eyes and to my heart's content, and I am ready to go.

It's quite embarassing actually because my sister once told me I don't dress my age (or she forgets that I am already 25). It hurts, honestly. It's not that I didn't try, but I now rather go for comfort than putting on those fancy fancy clothing which I personally think do not suit me that well anymore. Rasa macam malu nak pakai pulak.

However, I know I am doing myself a favour because I am pleased :)

toilet talk

I don't know about all of you, but I am very fussy when it comes to going to public toilets. Even in shopping malls, I normally have to think twice before making my way there but not under unavoidable circumstances though. I have problems with squatting toilets and ones which do not have water pipes. Instead, the water comes from the inside of the toilet bowl and God knows how awkward a situation that can cause.

And let's not start on toilets which have cleanliness and hygienic issues. I have seen public toilets which are in the most terrible condition one can imagine. We are talking about droplets of s*** everywhere, the floor has long seen its better days, and a smell which makes whatever your initial intention going to the toilet halted. Add a little vandalisme to that and all you get is nothing close to what it seems like a toilet.

And having seen some in the Saudi Arabia (its public toilets along the highway) kinda frustrates me more than anything. Makes one think with its reputation as the richest Middle East country, something could at least been done about the toilets. Makes the ones we have back here at the RnR so much better in comparison. Speaking of which, I never liked the ones in Australia and New Zealand too. They all seemed so unkempt and it just gave out that nauseating vibe to me. I can count the times when I actually used the public toilets there.

However, I have my favourites. Like today, I went to one in SACC Mall. The toilets were so clean and the floor was sparkling it's hard to believe. And the fragrant smile was really pleasing to my nose. I also like the ones at the airport - KLIA that is. And those in IKEA. Other places which are tolerable include Sunway Pyramid, OU, The Curve, Subang Parade, and Fitness First.

I think the public needs to be more conscious about toilet use. And what a better place to start than the school itself. However, given the horrible condition the toilets in most schools are, it's no wonder why most public toilets are nothing better. If you come to my school, you would be shaken to discover that all that is ever left are the toilet bowls. The pipes are missing and the sinks are all terribly clogged. Not to mention very filthy. And the kids who made all of these happened stepped into the real world and they (not surprising) will continue doing the same thing.

You'd be surprised on how much talent the girls have too.

So, my point is, take care of the public toilets. One person can make a difference. The cleaners have done their parts (poor them who had to endure the terrible mess which might have caused by us). Because I'd like to add more to my favourite list!

an update

It's been two weeks since I last updated my blog. Things have been usual, if not a little upbeat. I had so many things coming through my way and I am extremely exhausted, which explains the silence. I don't intend to bore you people with words and more words, as I am lost for them. So let's make this post one that's filled with pictures.

Me and my family have just moved to our new house a week ago. Days leading to last Saturday were the most tiring ones I had ever endured. Moving out is not as excruciating as moving in. Thank God for our old neighbours who have been with us for the past 25 years (The Jalan 5 people), the process of shifting was less burdened. It's touching to see uncles and aunties who literally are like my own parents convoyed all the way with us, helped us with everything.

This is where we now reside

We finally settled down on Thursday, when we have finished unpacking and cleaning everything. Now, it really feels like home, and I have no problems adapting to the new environment.

In the midst of shifting, I had to handle my school's KPA marching platoons. Like previous years, we sent 2 platoons for the competition and this year, I had a taste of what it's like to be their manager. It was never a smooth sailing journey for me ever since January.
Selalu tak senang duduk and hati tak tenang selagi competition tak habis. I am constantly on the run, making sure that everything was fine. On top of that, I also had to organize a Marching Camp for them which is a must everytime before they go for competition. I seriously think it is such a waste of time and energy but we did it anyway. Problems surfaced as expected but I am glad that it was all over.

So the competition was held on the 8th of April at SMJK Kwang Hua. Alhamdulillah, the Girls Marching Platoon won second place. If it's not for the three falls (poor girls), we could have secured oursleves the First Place, hands down. Honestly, I think we are that good. And I am so proud of them. All the hardwork, the sweat, and sacrifices paid off. Unfortunately for the boys, they managed to secure only the 5th place. It was expected too because other schools were so much better. But I am still proud of you boys!

I never thought I'd be doing this in a million years. I am now an expert (self-proclaimed je nih) in their uniform wearing :)

Some of the girls. I am so proud of you!

I was hoping that we would win the best Head of Platoon as well, but we did not. I seriously think that the judges had something against our school because those who won that title did not deserve it at all. But decisions were final, and I am thankful that we did not go home empty-handed.

They gave me goosebumps! (During Pemeriksaan Pakaian)

Bila mereka masuk padang

The Boys Platoon

Segak hey!

The twins who stole the limelight - Khubbalillah and Kafabil

And in the midst of all that too, our school had a Gotong-Royong Perdana - a program/activity carried out to beautify our school. It added to the existing exhaustion because it was held on the same day as the Marching Camp. Clubs/Societies were divided to paint murals on the decided walls, classes had to be cleaned and decorated, and notice boards were to be filled in as well. I was multitasking between checking the students during the camp (it was held on the school ground too) and decorating my own class. Below are some of the murals which I thought were outstanding.

But it was all worth it, because my class won third place in the "Kelas Paling Ceria" Category after the overall judging. No pictures taken though sebab terlupa. And our class won first place last week for the same category too. *Kembang ok!* And I have been going in and out of school for meetings too. Penat yang teramat! And last night I think was the best closure to my hectic weeks because my dear friends, Hidah and Ina came over and we had the best 2 hours of our lives (kot?). They stayed until 11 pm and we talked and talked like old times.

Hidah just got back from London and now you're leaving us for another 4 years? We will come visit you in New Zealand pulak ok? I love you girls!

Phew! I can finally take a breather. And I am going to have my morning nap now :)

The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)