Towards the end

In a just a few days, the new year is approaching. So much has happened that I am still catching my breath to seize the moment, and then I am awakened by the reality that the year is coming to a close.

Time does fly. Fast.

I have been meaning to write here, but more often than not, it is either I was too tired or I just couldn't find the time. Being a SAHM this school holiday took most of my time that when I do have one, I'd rather rest myself.

My firstborn turned two yesterday. It is still a little hard to digest that it was two years ago when we first held him in our arms, new parents awkwardly venturing into parenthood. I guess watching him grow right before our eyes makes us forget about time because we'd freeze the moment if we could. Kids grow really fast, they do. If I were to summarize or pack his two years of life, I don't think the Titanic would be able to contain the memories. Too many bittersweet moments that made us parents and ones that changed our perspectives 360degrees. 

Having a kid definitely turn your world upside down; they bring the best and worst out of you. And with Luqman, I've had my fair share of a rollercoaster ride, a whirlwind of emotions, and the bitter taste of decision-making. 

Anyway, all those things aside, I am a proud mum. Of two. Who would have thought, ey?

I have learnt that mistakes are to be made so that we can learn from them. And parenthood offers you that, so much so that when the second child comes along, you'd think you know certain things, but no, no child is the same. And so, you keep on learning and learning, make some more mistakes (but more cautious this time around) until you become that person who sort of embrace every difficulty and challenge with an open arms and with minimal grunts possible. If you overcome all that, it is the best feeling ever. The joys of parenthood, they say. 

With just a few more days to 2014, I haven't thought of any resolutions. If I do, it would definitely to be better. In everything. It is easy to say, and so pleasing to the ears - to be better - but a pledge that requires a whole lot of effort from within.

InsyaAllah, may everything be ease! Have a great remaining year everyone :)

Masters Degree

I was happily whatsapping with my girlfriends the other day until the serious topic of furthering our studies came up. Some of us already have their Masters, some are pursuing, one just got her offer and we were informed that one of our friends is already a PhD holder!

I realised that most of us do have that good intention to do so but I guess we  don't have enough determination to proceed. More often than not, family is now our priority. Even our current job falls to number two. No denying. Besides, school work is already taking most of our time that to continue studying at the same time seems too impossible. 

Of course, one of us pointed out that our niat (intention) is important, too. It determines everything. In all honesty, my pursuing my Masters would be solely for the purpose of personal achievement and satisfaction. And then I would be thinking of the opportunity that might knock on my door if I already have that other scroll.

I know I have talked about this before and it will be something that will always pop up in my head, in my life plan jerking its head as if wanting me to pay attention to it and take action. Until then, it will not leave. 

So we all discussed, asked those who are already on their track, etc and as it turns out, I have most of the criteria needed to apply! We are talking about HLP here (Hadiah Latihan Persekutuan) and Cuti Belajar Bergaji Penuh Tanpa Biasiswa. How come I was so ignorant! It was indeed a heated and informative discussion and it left me feeling so excited and determined!

But of course, this needs proper planning and discussion with le hubby. My family still tops the list and I have to admit, everytime I look at my kids, my heart dropped a little and instantly I am swamped with worries and the what-ifs. 

This time around, I told my husband that I HAVE to make this work. I just have to. InsyaAllah! After all, when there is a will, there is always ALWAYS a way. Gosh, now I am all excited again!

Then, one of our friends' response actually got me laughing and feeling proud. I think all of us felt the same way. It was :

"Hurmm, I think I will just stick to my Masters la. Masters in Child Care and Home Management!"

LOL! How true! Now that is automatically earned once you're a mom and that is absolutely more worth it, don't you think? :)

Happy 7 months

I remember the day my daughter was brought into the world. When the nurse gave her to me fresh out of the womb for our first skin-to-skin interaction, I took a peek at her thought to myself how she bore the resemblance to his brother. But I knew, she would be different and special in her own graceful way.

And yes indeed she is.

Soraya Adeena, from her early days, wasn't that difficult to take care of. For the most part, she was 'quieter' than his brother used to be and such a soft baby where her cries and coos are concerned. It was difficult not to fall in love with her, despite her small frame and light weight. When we were admitted due to her increased reading of jaundice, I swear it was the toughest 3 days I had to endure but it was the most beautiful moment spent as she was with me 24/7. I could feel the bond was so strong that throughout the days we were warded, she was all I could think of.

As a mother, I think the connection with my daughter is just amazing. I don't quite know how to express it but subhanallah, it is beautiful. When we looked into each other's eyes, I know she is telling me that 'Ummi, I need you and I love you". I just knew it. Her body gestures, her smiles, her chuckles are so bewitching! And the times when she would move slowly towards me in her sleep, put her cute little fingers on my arm as if reassuring me that 'Ummi, I am here don't you worry'. And how she would start her little whines as a sign she wants to be fed. MashaAllah, such are Allah's amazing gifts!

I could go on and on about my precious daughter but obviously I won't because they might not be of interest to some of you (hehe). And I, by no means are showing off as these are written out of love and for the sole purpose of sharing. 




What I am trying to get at is that, 7 months have passed from her being a helpless little infant to a perfect, healthy, beautiful baby who is progressing very well mashaAllah! Everyday is a discovery and I look forward to each achievement with so much eagerness.

Soraya Adeena, happy 7 months baby girl! Ummi and ayah and abang Luqman love you so much you have no idea. Thanks for making me a mum and thanks for changing my perspective and being. And thanks for letting me know that love knows no boundaries and sacrifice is my utmost priority. 

 

May you continue to grow a good muslimah herein and hereafter and a star that shines everyone's lives in goodness insyaAllah!

Doa Ummi tak pernah putus untuk Adeena and Luqman :)

 

Story of the heart

The past few weeks have been quite tough on me, emotionally. 

First, I had to endure the 5-day separation from my loved ones to attend a course. I still remember how empty and horrible it felt sleeping and waking up without them around. It almost brought me to tears having not to smell the familiar scent that I used to breathe-in. Luckily, the packed schedule helped me to fight back tears. The happening and friendly bunch of people there made me forget about home for a while and they were the reason I actually enjoyed my course.

Then on the day I returned home, my husband was already away for his Treasure Hunt activity which meant we missed seeing each other. He also spent the night at Gambang and only returned home the next day. Not having to see him for a week was quite sad and I was so emotional that I didn't get to seem him for another 2 days extended. Of course I had all the reasons to be so emotional. It's like my other wing was broken and I lost all spirit. 

The day after, he was scheduled for his work trip out of the country for 5 days more and I was totally under the weather. My heart cringed and I was fighting back tears. I didn't mind him going for outstation but not being able to see him back-to-back?? I've never had to deal with such long separation before so yes, it was too much for me to swallow.

I still struggled after all this time without my husband around. I have to admit, my kids tend to act out too whenever ayah is not around. And every fibre of my being was tested. I cried, maybe, a few times. But I chinned up and wiped it off because I know Allah loves me. He won't endow me something that I can't handle and I know He is building me to be stronger.

Throughout my husband's absence, I did a lot of reflection. I spent many nights alone, thinking and pondering about the things that I have done, about the kids, my marriage. I cried. I cried and I cried. And boy, I felt so relieved. (You see, when your spouse isn't with you the melancholic feeling tend to empower so everyday rasa nak feeling feeling)

From the way I see it, having to deal with the struggles, the separation and what not are Allah's show of love, subhanallah. Without struggles, I won't be strong. Without problems, I won't be smart. Without my kids testing my patience, I wouldn't know love. And Allah keeps on giving me even without me asking. Throughout those few weeks of being a single parent, too, our rezeki has been nothing short of generous. Despite the little hardships, I realised Allah has eased so many for me and my family that without his mercy, I wouldn't even want to think of how we'd survive. 

I remember greeting my husband at the door when he came back from his work trip that day feeling truly emotional. What initially was a negative rebellious kind of emotional feeling, it blossomed into something nicer. Beautiful even. Alhamdulillah syukur.

Sometimes, nikmat Allah dirasai dan disedari bila kita dalam kekurangan. And yes, absence does makes the heart grows fonder :) 

 

Staying in

I love spending the weekend staying in. After a hectic 5 (sometimes 6) working days, it feels so nice to just relax in front of the telly, roll with the kids and spend time staring into each other's eyes.

Yesterday we did just that. 

The day started pretty good. Kids and dad woke up quite late than their usual rise. Had some quality me time by having a simple breakfast alone, enjoying sipping the coffee before the roti canai galore later hehe

Then cooked lunch, played with the kids some more until they all ...

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*

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*

*

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*

*

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... went back to slumberland!



And that included the dad too!


Penat sangat la tu!

I was happy that I had another quiet me time, too. Aahh, so blissful!

Until 20 minutes later, Adeena startled me with her chuckles.

-   -'
______

So much for wanting to golek-golek on the bed undisturbed!

A wind of change

As I was happily chatting and laughing with my colleagues while stappling the exam papers yesterday, I realised that I really love being around them. Some  have even become like family that the thought of not seeing them for a period of time left me with a heavy heart.
 
For the most part, we all share the same sentiment and we really do help and support each other A LOT. In a workplace where the 'bosses' don't seem to care much that we are bound to catch the stress disease, friends like them do help me to stay well and grounded. Most importantly, their presence make me feel HAPPY to be at work. 
 
So yes, if my transfer application is granted, I'd feel very sad to leave them behind. Why apply if I love being surrounded with so much love and warmth, you might ask? After all, I seem to do fine (in fact very well) at my current workplace.
 
Here's why.
 
1. I remember when I first started service I told myself not to be at a place for too long a time and 5 years is minimum to start moving to a new one. Complacency is something that I fear that might harm me and the way I perform. This year is my 5th year of teaching and honestly I can already feel myself at that level which really bugs me. I itch for something new, something more challenging and a new environment might offer me that.
 
2. Ever since I moved house, the journey to school has become somewhat further. I have to admit I don't really look forward to it as I have to endure the jam if I leave the house a few minutes later than I am supposed to. Plus, the toll fees that burn my pocket every single month! With the rise of the petrol price, a workplace nearby would save me a lot of cost. Like REALLY a lot.  

3. Let's face it. As a mother, I'd love to be near to my kids. If anything happens or in any case of emergency (God forbids), the house is just a few minutes away. No traffic jam, no toll fees. Journey to and back would be a breeze. I don't have to rush every morning and still be at school on time.

So yeah, those are my main reasons. Sounds cliche? They might as well be. However, as I sat down and reflected on my application transfer the other day, I realised that what I really wanted was a breeze of fresh air. I wanted to work in a new environment where administration is concerned. I have had my share working under a stressful one and I am not saying the one at the new place is not. It is just that a change would do me good, really. I want to experience new things and surroundings, meet new people and have new sets of students added to my teaching album. 

If ever I get my transfer, I am sure that Allah wants me to be there and it is the best decision. But if not, I believe that He is the best planner and He has better things coming my way insyaAllah! 

I remember a colleague's words : Kalau tak dapat pindah maknanya sekolah ni dan pelajar-pelajar ni masih perlukan awak. Think positive ok. You still have something to offer here.
 
True that. As for now, I am keeping my fingers crossed.

It's Papular

Finally, after almost 2 years, we can safely say that yes, Luqman is eczematic. He has what is called Papular Eczema. A visit to the skin specialist a few weeks back for a second opinion was somewhat a closure to what we have been dealing with. Quite relieving in the sense that now we don't have to make enemies with the mosquitoes anymore. All these while we thought he was bitten by mosquitoes or insects.
I am sure most parents would know that eczema is a skin condition triggered by a combination of dry and irritated skin, be it hereditary or not. Skin might get inflamed or irritated due to the weather, food, bites and what not. 
Now, what Luqman is suffering (well, this is too strong a word) or shall I say experiencing, is some kind of a scattering of tiny pinhead sized bumps or papules on the skin. Imagine mosquito bites. Something like that, only the papules will soon (most of the times) filled with fluid. I assume the papules are itchy because Luqman repeatedly scratch them sometimes that they broke. And that is just so heartbreaking because the broken papules leave brownish scars on his sensitive skin making it not scar-free :(

I, for the most part have been traumatized whenever any red bumps or 'bites' appear on Luqman's skin. Thinking that it was the mosquito, we did everything we could to keep the bloodsucker away from him but to no avail. The fact that he is the only one who gets 'bitten' baffles us all the time. 

As it turned out, papular eczema is what he has. I am very sure it is not because of the food I eat or he eats because he passed his food testing as early as 6months successfully. I think it is his surroundings; weather, dust mites.

And he might have Papular Urticaria too -  a rash or skin condition caused by sensitivity to insect bites. Because he has sensitive skin, the bites might have caused the flaming red spots/bumps that are just an eyesore. We were told that this will stay with him as he grows and it might disappear gradually. Or not. For now, we are just hoping for a better skin condition.

So yes, it is not easy to swallow especially when others think that eczema is a spreading disease. Parents, please educate yourself on this and please be empathetic enough so as not to hurt the feelings of parents with eczematic children. It definitely hurt when a stranger throws a look of disgust upon seeing your child's skin condition :(

For now, we are monitoring Adeena's skin condition. So far she's clear but you'll never know. A tiny red bump appeared on her skin for the first time when she was about 3 months old and you can imagine how all over the place I felt. 

Thank God it was really the mosquito and it left no scar! Pheww!

Parting sorrow

In approximately one week or so, I will be away from my kids and husband for a 5 days 4 nights CPD Course at Port Dickson. 

It took me awhile to digest everything, got my heart consoled everytime I almost cry a bucket thinking of how my babies would be without my presence. To tell you the truth, I was more concerned of how my nights would be without them around me, waking me up every 2 hours for their feeding or just to play with me on the bed, eyes half-closed. 

I meant no offence especially to those mums out there who are away from their babies and only get to meet their kid(s) during weekends. And I don't mean to act all dramatic (5 days je kot?) but as a breastfeeding mum, I guess the separation anxiety is just overwhelming. Too overwhelming, if I may add. This would be my first time parting from them ever since they were born. 

*eyes gone watery, throat choked*

Anyway, my husband decided that the kids will stay and Ummi goes. Kalau Ikut Ummi semua nak hangkut! But yeah, that seems the best solution. Luqman and Adeena will be taken care in the good hands of my mum, husband and bibik. All their stuffs are ever ready and available and I don't have to hassle myself with all the tedious chore of packing. Plus, I can concentrate with my course and well, look forward to the uninterrupted good night sleep for 4 days *winks* Let's hope so. 

*Breathe in*

InsyaAllah, everything will be fine. 

I should be looking forward to this mini 'vacation' shouldn't I?

Ah, such parting sorrow!

A message

I guess it's true when they say the test of good manners is through patience. 

I, of all people, know that I am the least patient person alive. I have my temper, if I may add and it is a blessing that I married my husband who is cooler than I am. 

Anyway, yesterday turned out to be a very testing day. After what had happened, I am starting to think that maybe, just maybe God doesn't want me to have so much fun on my own. I believe it held its own blessings (yesterday's happenings).

I was totally on cloud nine when I finally managed to steal some time to go for a mini vacation to the pedicure after what seemed like eons I have been there. My husband was sporting enough to look after the kids. I was like a happy kid slurping on ice cream.

Only, what should be a one hour trip lasted up to a good 3 hours. *sigh*

I ended up stressed despite being totally peace and calm. How ironic.

First, I had to endure an excruciating long payment at the express counter just because one irresponsible lady decided to queue at the express counter with her whole load of shopping trolley. Very Malaysian? You bet. Didn't want to budge after being told. Stubborn? Maybe. But her daughter should have taken a more responsible action by moving to the said lane. Pissed me off big time. 

When finally finished with my quick payment, dashed out to the autopay machine only to discover that I didn't have the bloody ticket with me. Checked my handbag so many times I think people might have noticed how depressed  I looked. It struck me as weird coz it was there in that compartment when I was at the nail salon. And it was gone when I needed it. 

Hurried to the nail salon again, only to be greeted with sad news. It wasn't there. I didn't drop it. Well, of course. Then where had it gone? My heart just sank and all I could think about was why? I was totally exasperated you have no idea. 

Anyway to cut things short, my husband came to the rescue yadayadayada... and I was sooooo happy to zoom back to my MIL's place to greet my kids only to be trapped in a traffic jam because a bus decided to break down there and then. 

My breasts were starting to engorge, I was getting restless and it took me one more happening to see me burst. I was in a terrible state yesterday. I went out hoping to enjoy myself but in the end I wished I didn't. 

*SIGH*

Vented out to my friends and one of the responses caught my attention. It was of course easier said than done and one would probably say it is easy for her to say coz it didn't happen to her . But, it holds so much truth.

"You can choose what your reaction to be. And of course, you can choose not to be affected by what happened.  There is indeed some blessings in disguise".

Spot on. In the end, I recited the zikr and calm myself down. 

The blessings? Well, yeah I got to be on my own for a good three hours away from the kids. Wasn't that what I wanted? 

And of course, God is sending me a message only I know what it is.



A short note

Salaam and hello earthlings,

I have been away for too long, I know. It wasn't intentional to leave this site dusty, let alone abandoning it absolutely. 

I have been ... busy? Yes, I was and still am. Busy living my life, not virtually.

Family is my priority. My dear kids are always hanging onto me, leaving me with no time to blog entirely.

As for my job, well, what can I say? So far, it's been okay. I am trying hard to keep my head above water, on top of everything else.

Our new abode is another story. Been living on our own for almost 6 months now. Tough, hands down. But you learn independence all the same. Tiring, yes. Exhausted more like it. Burnt out at times. And we've lost a few kilos, if I may add.

I have a lot - like, really a lot to tell. Until we have secured ourselves a decent internet plan, my presence here might be minimal. I just don't fancy updating from my mobile. Satisfaction not guaranteed.

As for now, it feels so good to be typing away (courtesy of my parent's wifi) and this short update will suffice for now. In case you're wondering, we are doing more than fine alhamdulillah.

"I am too blessed to be stressed"

Absolutely.

Till we meet again,

 Us, recently

Touched

Ever since we moved into our new place, everyday is an adventure. I, for the most part looked forward to a new day eagerly at the same time dreading it. With my current status as a stay-at-home mum, one can only imagine the things I go through every single day with my kids. While I am grateful that I get to be with them 24/7, there are times when I feel like hiding in my room and be oblivious to any crying. Still, I am truly grateful and blessed to be in their presence whenever I am needed. Definitely helps me forget about work, which if you ask me, a subject better not discussed. SAHM seems more appealing in every aspect.

Of course, my husband's return from work is always eagerly anticipated too. After a long, sweaty and tiring day with the kids clinging onto me, his presence gives me a breather. Bibik helps a lot too, I may add, but nothing beats having your spouse with you helping out with the kids. It warms the heart.

Staying on our own also means we have to manage our finance wisely. As we stayed with my parents before, we saved quite a lot in terms of our household expenditures which in turn helped us in our savings. But trust me, moving houses requires a lot and it (quite)burnt a hole in our pockets *tsk!* (so being a SAHM remains a wishful thinking).

These 2 months I could say that we spent quite a lot which got me into a worrying state. Payday is 3 weeks away and obviously to me it is such a long time to wait. Honestly, I am trying to stay away from any mall visits (hehe) because I can't just stroll happily without at least spending a bit (even if it's just a regular cup of Chatime). Yes, I am saving myself up to that extent which my husband thought a little bit extreme on my part. Sad, but true. Money flows like water, I tell you!

Then one night, seeing the worried look on my face (even when I don't say it aloud) he said,

"Don't you worry. Leave everything to me. I will take care of it. You just concentrate on the kids and breastfeeding Adeena ok?"

Huaaaaaa. Suddenly my eyes went watery I couldn't speak.

Touched. So very touched.

The big and the small



Moving out

After 3 years, we are finally moving out from my parents' house tomorrow to our own place. As for me, it will be me fending on my own after 28 years of living under the same roof as my parents. Emotional much? You bet!

For years I am so used to having my mum save the day if anything goes wrong (even after having 2 kids) because she is always around. I am so used to having my siblings around for immediate help. And I am so used to seeing my dad goes to work and always home to greet him back. 

Mostly, they won't be able to see the two little munchkins on a daily basis now. It is something that needs a little getting used to. Likewise, I need to get used to not having my family around like always *sobs*

I guess it's about time (orang lain dah lama dah duduk sendiri hehe). 

But for me, us moving out, is something big. It marks a whole new life waiting and a journey of raising our family ourselves. In our home.

Tomorrow, may everything be eased.

 Our place, alhamdulillah :)

Click click!

Nowadays, I am pretty sure that everyone is on Instagram. One by one is slowly joining the bandwagon of 'instagramming' their lives which I don't have problems with. I find it quite fun looking at people's lives through moments captured. Like they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, which Instagram successfully serves its purpose - snap a picture and post! Fast and fun.



I don't have an account and I don't think I would create one anytime soon. On the other hand, I might. You know, just for fun. 

But for now, I think I'll just stick to Facebook and Blogger for fun, beautiful moment sharing :)

Babywearing

 When we knew that another baby is coming soon, I decided that I want to try babywearing (BW) her. The thought of having to stuff our bonet with two strollers gives us headache not to mention such a hassle.

So I did some reading and asked friends who are babywearing their babies. Let me tell you there are just soooo many types of BW that I am just so lost as to which should I get. The designs and colours are just too cute and pretty that I got tempted, forgetting that practicality is what I am looking for.

Finally, I decided on a wrap; MOBY wrap. 



MOBY is derived from MOther + baBy, for the feeling of closeness and connection between mother and baby. The first thing that made me attracted to MOBY is how neat the wrap is and how secure the baby looks in it. So I got a friend to get me one.

Only, trying it on is not as easy as the instructional booklet says it is!! Grrrr! Getting started on the simple and quick wrap technique was, to me, energy draining (still dalam pantang so not so energetic) and I was sweating all the way through. The end product of my first wrapping was lousy and terrible-looking. There's no way a baby can be put in there. Heck, I think Adeena, if she can speak, would say "Errr Umi, you're carrying me in there? No thanks!"

Anyway, I didn't give up. Tried and tried and tried until I finally got a hang of all those wrapping and I decided it's time to put the baby in. It was scary at first because I was worried that Adeena's limbs might be hurt and that she won't be supported right.

I gave it a try, anyway. 

 

So what do you think? I thought I aced it for a first-timer. Need to practice more and get us used to this type of hug hold.

And then I might get another Soft Structured Carrier when she grows bigger ;)

mother of two

Being a mother of two so far is...well, to be honest, a little bit of everything. 
 
It's been only 31 days and I am trying my level best to cope with the sleeping pattern, nursing both my babies, dealing with instantaneous crying to name a few. Emotionally wise, let's just say that I have to constantly remind myself that I am better than this. They say patience is part of Iman without nothing. 

Being the mum makes me feel very important as my babies rely on me so much despite having the dad around. He doesn't breastfeed, if you know what I mean. The attachment is definitely stronger. I am not complaining, no, but it does take its toll at times, like how (very) exhausted I'll become and the only wish is to get enough sleep (wishful thinking?)
 
Luqman, being the elder sibling at such a young age, well, what can I say? He is such a darling and he seems to know that he now has a sister. There is never a day that passes without him not planting sloppy kisses all over Adeena's face. Her cot is where he heads to everytime he wakes up. Sometimes I feel bad not being able to attend to his needs all the time as Adeena is the priority for now. Yes, he does throw tantrums as a result (that's the unbearable part, really) but I am so thankful that I have my husband and my family to calm him down and to attend to him when I couldn't.
 
Adeena, on the other hand, is not a difficult baby to take care of. Being a baby that she is, she only cries when she's hungry, needs cuddling and diaper change. And for that I am so grateful and relieved. It's just that her jaundice is prolonged and her reading was quite high after a few days of life that made caring for her a bit tough as we had to constantly frequent the hospital for her blood to be taken. Alhamdulillah, she is all fine now. 
 
On top of everything, I can say that I have the best support system one can ever asked for. My husband is such a gem. My family (mum especially) has been the greatest help that I don't know what I would do or become if she's not around. Tak tertanggung rasanya *sobs*
 
So,yes, being a mother of two has just starting to reveal its challenges.
 
Here's to another 13 more days of confinement and a joyful parenting journey ahead, amin!

Our star is here

Alhamdulillah, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl 20 days ago. Unlike her brother, little girl decided to greet the world a day earlier from her expected due date. 

So on the 8th of April 2013, after 5 hours of enduring labour pain, our little star was born at 5.28 a.m. 


 The feeling was definitely overwhelming as it was a different labour experience altogether. Alhamdulillah, I can never be more grateful for an ultimate gift mashaAllah!


Meet Soraya Adeena, everyone. 

Soraya (name of a star); Adeena (deen;pious)

May the name befit her and may she grow to become a beautiful star that shines brightly with the deen as her guidance insyaAllah!


 Big brother Luqman can never get enough of Adeena, for sure. Alhamdulillah he shows profound affection at such a young age. May he become the protective and good brother we hope he would be, amin!
 

And here they are, captured, a few hours after out of the womb. We thought they are a spitting image of each other. Well, pretty much.

Can't believe I am now a mother of TWO!

Selesai!

Alhamdulillah, my brother-in-law's solemnization went well last Sunday. So, Mak's three 'stooges' are officially off the market. Selesai! :)

It was definitely a looked forward event as this is the last wedding for the family and also one that's pretty much emotional as my late father-in-law wasn't around to witness this. I am sure he would be as excited as we are welcoming a new addition to the family.

Anyway, some pictures to feast your eyes; all taken by various individuals :

 
Upon arrival

 The three siblings - before the akad

After the akad; bride and groom, the hantarans and dais

Our extended family

One for the album :)

I am just so happy and relieved to be able to be part of this. I prayed hard that I wILL still be around this weekend for the majlis bertandang and not at home berpantang :) Definitely do not want to miss the fun.

Raising our children

I came across a video today on 'Raising a newborn in Islam' by Sheikh Shady Alsuleiman, posted by a group I subscribed on Facebook.

It is such a beautiful lecture on parents' responsibilities towards our children which we might already be well aware of, but delivered in such a way that it struck every chord in my body. It made me think hard about what I have done so far to raise my son and which path am I leading him to. 

Subhanallah, such an eye-opener and very inspiring. Makes me want to be better and better for the sake of my children and also to contribute to the upbringing of the ummah in general.

Do have a watch, you will gain more than what you expect, I assure you. Anyway, here are some of the important points that I really like to share from the lecture :

Allah doesn't simply delight us with a beautiful, healthy child, but for us to be responsible of his upbringing, providing him/her to the path of Allah SWT
Behind every great nikmah is a great test. When Allah grant you a child (nikmah), it is to see what you are going to do with him/her (test). Parents are responsible for their children's upbringing, providing them to the path of Allah and seeking His pleasure
The money and time you spent on your family and children are the most well-spent and will definitely benefit their proper upbringing
 Babies are born Islam, but more often than not parents tend to change their children's religion through their upbringing
Children's  greatest role-models are their parents so we must teach them the goodness and the love for Allah SWT and Muhammad SAW so that they grow up knowing about Islam
We need to be more cautious of what we do/say in front of our children than in front of strangers

Let us strive to better ourselves so that we can be great role models to our children, insyaAllah! I pray that our jihad in raising our children the right way will be eased and guided and may Allah be pleased with what we are striving for, ameen!

school's out!


The holidays are here! It's time for the deserved break although I know most teachers don't really detach themselves from school and its never ending mounting work. In fact, school holidays are no longer in its truest sense for teachers.

As for me, I am trying to rest and enjoy the one week holiday as much as I can although I have all the reasons to use this break to complete my work before I go for my looked forward maternity leave (yeay!). The thing is, I just can't bring myself to start work. I am not joking when I say everytime I face my laptop, my contraction (Braxton Hicks) will start. Everytime. No kidding. It's like the little one is not allowing me to work but to pay attention to her instead - which I have no problem at all (hehe!)

But of course, I had to pull myself out OF this lazy cocoon as I don't have any other time. Plus, it's the waiting game for me as I might go into labour anytime now (scary!). Just thinking about it gives me shivers. I guess I am not that ready yet. 

Anyway, Happy Holidays to my fellow comrades who I believe are enjoying their family time everywhere around the country or out of the country. As for me, I am enjoying my stay at home mostly. Trust me, it's the best place a pregnant lady like me would like to be. Such a comforting nest! 

Confusion

I am sure we all have our own endearments towards our spouse. Likewise, we too have ours but nothing mushy.

Much to my husband's initial dismay, I call him bb. It all began with the Giuliana & Bill show where Giuliana calls her husband booboo. I thought it was cute and I recalled jokingly calling  my husband bb which sticks until now. 

In time, he thought it's cute too and he approves.

Until recently, I realised that it's going to pose problems. One day, I called my husband "Bb!" and guess who responded?

Our bibik. Exactly.

I didn't know how to react when she was already by my side. I was puzzled and I could tell she was, too, when I told her it was my husband I was calling for.

Man, I couldn't contain my furious laughter. On another occasion, we were in the car. My husband was driving and the car in front of us showed signs of braking suddenly so I squeaked, "Bb!" And guess who responded again?

Bibik.

Crossroads.

I really don't want to call my husband by other names. And I also think bibik suits her fine.

I guess I have to make it loud and clear then : "BibiKKKKKKKKK!" with a Qalqalah.

13 months

That's how long Luqman's been fully breastfed, alhamdulillah. I never thought that we would have come that far but we did. You'd know that I had stopped pumping at the 10th month due to my pregnancy and alhamdulillah for the sufficient EBM that Luqman still got to taste Ummi's golden liquid up until he turned a year. To be able to provide him for such a period of time is more than enough and I am more than thankful for the opportunity and experience. My breastfeeding journey with Luqman is definitely challenging but it is priceless and beautifully charted nonetheless. The bond is just unexplainable and I would never trade that for anything else.

It was never easy getting over the fact that he is no more exclusively breastfed, but I believe in God's doing. 2 weeks before the last packet of EBM was consumed, I was in a state of a tangled mind. Breastfeeding mums would understand that feeling. I wanted the best for my dear son. Yes, fresh milk is now an option but I told myself, there's no harm in trying to get the best option. 

So, I decided to search for a wet nurse (ibu susuan). My husband was more than supportive while my parents weren't too keen. To cut things short, everything was eased. Allah showed me the way and he granted me one. I can never be more thankful for such rezeki. 

She is a dear friend and a sister whom I have long known and we are closely acquainted. She had just given birth at that time and I approached her. Her respond was that of a big fat yes that I was overwhelmed for a while. Alhamdulillah. My worries were immediately swept away. 

Luqman's ibu susuan - Kak Azlina and her son, Ali

However, God has better plans. After almost a month providing for Luqman, she told me that she can no longer do so. I respect her decision and her reasons and the fact that she felt sadder than I was just made me cry. Such a beautiful soul and I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for even willing to share her milk with my son.

Luqman with his little 'brother', Ali

So yes, I still breastfeed him; occasional breastfeeding, if there is such term. He now drinks fresh goat milk. Everyone knows it's the second best after mum's. Alhamdulillah, Luqman doesn't seem to reject it and so far he has developed no allergies whatsoever. And alhamdulillah, too that he doesn't show any signs of weaning. He is still attracted to Ummi's hehe

I plan to continue breastfeeding him even after I have delivered. Hopefully up until he is 2 years. I know my journey will be more challenging after this, nursing two child at once. But I am up for it. InsyaAllah everything will be eased and I pray that I will be able to provide the best to the both of them and that Allah will grant me sufficient golden liquid, amin!

To all breastfeeding mums out there, don't quit! Yes, it is never easy but do it for our babies :)

A prolonged sickness

This week had been hectic. Work is neverending and time is always running. I have never felt so tired physically and mentally (especially) that I didn't do my body justice. Poor baby inside, berjihad bersama Ummi. To top it off, I am still recuperating from my ill-being as mentioned in my previous post.

I am still trying to eat right, properly adjusting my appetite. I really want to eat but I can just wish as much. I'd be lucky if I don't throw up the minute food enters my stomach. It's like my tummy and food are carrying negative charges; they don't jive. It struck me as weird that I had to go through this during my last weeks of pregnancy considering that I have had a breezy first 2 trimesters. And now hubby is joining the bandwagon of the 'tummyache'. Poor him. He, too, can't eat, vomited, and sights of certain food nauseated him. So we are now two adults with appetite malfunction we look miserable with food around you've no idea :(

So I (we) have been drinking a lot of fluid coz that's the only thing that's edible and does not cause me to throw up. At least something la kan rather than leaving our stomachs empty. And I notice that we prefer flavoured drink apart from air masak to relish our brackish throats. But that doesn't make us not hungry, still *tsk!*

Whatever it is, alhamdulillah for this test. I believe Allah wants to give us something better in return and also for us to be more contemplative of what's been happening.

InsyaAllah things will be better, I hope. Nothing beats wanting your appetite back and for one to be healthy and energetic, amin!

A day off

I took my first medical leave this year today - as opposed to my resolution not to since I will be on a long leave soon. Well, I believe one should listen to her body, especially when she's pregnant. And I did just that because I didn't think I could survive a day in school today when I was awakened at 5 am.

My stomach was like a volcano waiting to erupt. It was queasy, the sound it made was unpleasant and as a result, many trips to the loo which was annoyingly tiring. I suspected diarrhea. To complete the package, I vomited a few times. By 6 am, my stomach was empty and painful. I was a weak bloated lady by then. That's when I decided I need the day off.

Had my breakfast but my stomach was still doing its somersault. I wanted to eat more but I just can't due to the queasiness. Poor baby. Went to the clinic and doctor told me it was something that I ate. At that time, my stomach was gassy due to not eating. I was shivering at one point, too. 

Drove home while eating (I was too hungry). Reached home, took my medication, breastfed Luqman and together we both dozed off till noon. I felt much better after that, and had lunch that mom prepared and felt even better.

Lesson learnt : Maggi goreng mamak with tempoyak, no matter how delicious, is not good for you; pregnant or not pregnant. 

Oh well, I believe my staying home for today has its hikmah too. Besides resting, at least I got to complete some of my pending work which is just neverending. Alhamdulillah. 

Another family addition

Ever since we knew that we're expecting, we sort of nonchalantly decided that a helper is needed once the second baby comes out. This is to help my mum cope with taking care of her 2 grandchildren at the same time making sure the house is in order. Since we will be living on our own soon, we wouldn't mind an extra hand in the household.

The search for one was done. Called here and there, asked around for contacts, and almost gave up at one point because apparently it is just so difficult to secure one. Maids are in high demand if you don't already know. 

And then the nation was shakened by the unfortunate incident of that 4-month-old baby boy who was unforgivingly abused by his maid which angered us all. We questioned our decision there and then whether a maid is really necessary. It was again finally decided that yes, we need her. 

We constantly prayed hard that we will be granted one, especially now that my due is nearing. And alhamdulillah, He heard our prayers. My aunty delivered us the good news that a maid will be arriving at our doorstep soon (in fact too soon-she'll be here tomorrow!). Syukur. What a rezeki :)

While we are all relieved, we are also silently agreeing to the fact that it is going to be a bit awkward having a stranger in the house. We have never had a maid before so we don't know how to act as employers, especially giving orders. We definitely have a lot to learn and also to teach her. And we have to get used to the fact that she'll be tagging on most of the outings (well, at least for now).

For now, she will be staying at my parents' place until our house is ready. As her arrival is somewhat unexpectedly early, we are currently clearing the back room for her to reside and transporting some stuffs out to provide more space for her.

I personally am anxious and nervous to meet this new family addition. I really hope that she is trustworthy and dependable. Most importantly one who is a practising Muslim. As a single mum herself, I pray that she will have that motherly instinct and conscience in her.

Until tomorrow comes, we are keeping our reservations to ourselves. May Allah ease everything, amin!

the one for me

In times like these, when I am just so exhausted to even move my leg, I am so so thankful that he is my husband. Alhamdulillah!
 
What with baby no 2 coming soon, dealing with Luqman's changing phase , running here and there to ensure that our future abode is in good progress, dealing with my temperaments, waking up every night to tend to Luqman's crying and let me sleep soundly (and the list goes on and on); having him around is such a blessing. And to top it all, he has never complained (at least he doesn't show it; the sighs, the grunts and what not). 
 
I guess that is why we're compatible like that. He is everything I am not (well, mostly). I am just so touched by all the little things he's done to help and tolerate the pregnant me. Sometimes I feel really bad for letting my raging hormones take over but he understands. Normally, I'd be the one crying on his shoulders in the end and a comforting hug is all that matters to make everything okay again.
 
I know this is just a beginning for when baby no 2 pops, our whole lives are going to change 360degrees again. Like totally. With our new home, living on our own - I know I have the right person to depend on. InsyaAllah!
 
 
I Love You is not even enough to express my feelings to you. Thank you is common but from the bottom of my heart, I really am. 
 
Let's do this together, hand in hand.

(un)prepared

I got a jolt yesterday realising that I am just a month's away from my delivery and I have prepared NOTHING for the baby! Yes, you heard me - nothing. 

I am so occupied with so many things that I barely have time to think about little girl (sorry honey!) and I feel really really bad. I do think of what to get, what to do, etc but they're all just mentally calculated and it's always "Oh, this can wait". I have this calm feeling that everything will be sorted out eventually but yesterday the realisation just hit home and I am now freaking out!

I told my husband and he's not even helping. Being the unexceptionally calm person he is, he just went "Well, don't you worry. We still have time". Right.

And time is something that flies by really quick.

I still have some sorting out to do from Luqman's baby rompers. You know, the ones which colours are not so gendered. I am sure little girl won't mind the hand-me-downs :) 

And, to overcome the empowering guilt, I bought this yesterday for little sunshine :

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Apparently, this is the only one filling her wardrobe. For now. *tsk!*

I-Kids

Yesterday didn't turn out as we planned. We were supposed to go to Aquaria KLCC for our outing but had to forget about it once we reached there.The queue was crazy long! It was neverending. We should have known. It's the public holiday, yes, but I didn't expect it to be that packed. 

I was frustrated and upset because I really wanted Luqman to enjoy watching the sea creatures. I know he would love it and be fascinated with what he'd see. Plus, Luqman was being extra cranky (didn't want to sit in his stroller, throwing tantrums) yesterday so the trip to Aquaria was hoped to calm him down. Of course, God has better plans. It was not our rezeki and we will definitely come again some other day. 

So we quickly thought of Plan B. I mean, we didn't exactly come all the way here and not do something exciting, did we? Besides, we're up to a point where we're too tired to put up with little boy's crankiness which was really really testing *sigh*

Then I remembered a friend posted a picture of her son playing at I-Kids Club Isetan and off we rushed there. Such a life saver! *Thanks El!*

Paid RM15 and Luqman had the time of his life. We, on the other hand, just let him be. Had the best 30 minutes of rest *phewww!*


The play area isn't that big, but it was okay nonetheless. 
 

 Nothing beats seeing the joy on his face :)

The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)