pretty damn exhausted

School's been (very) hectic that I couldn't be bothered anymore. I guess everyone's got so much on their plates but we decided to deal with it in our own way.

It's definitely not something that I choose to bear, but it is something that I eventually have to manage.

I'm pretty.damn.exhausted.

Raya this year

I have to say that this year's Ramadhan seems to end so fast. In fact, too fast. The next thing I know, Syawal is just one day away. Wow. That being said, I don't think I have utilised the Holy month fully, although this year was so much better than the one before.

Last year, I didn't even buy any baju raya. I wore my mom's -- the one she used to wear during her slim figure years haha I bought myself a pair of shoes (my dad paid) and Rizal bought me a handbag -- 2 dalam 1 as it was also a gift for my birthday.

This year, after much consideration, I got myself a decent baju kurung on the first day of puasa itself. And I was so relieved. I don't know. I think I might have come to a point where I simply dread shopping for raya. Or probably because I have other ultimate priorities in hand that shopping for raya just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Or maybe, I am becoming more thrifty as being financially independent means I have to support whatever yearnings I have myself.

And that's just about everything that I bought this year. I don't really mind. I am happy because I am not channelling my early paycheck into buying things which I might regret. I could really use with a new handbag, but I couldn't find any which really suit my liking. After all, I've bought 2 new ones this year. There's no harm in reusing.

This year, too, will be the first year I will not be getting any green packets from my dad. Instead, my parents will be getting them from me! It gives a whole new feeling, that sense of responsibility I'm beginning to adapt. I know my sister will be smiling gleefully come that morning!

Also, it will be a year when the family is (again) not complete as Farouk won't be home for raya. I'm not sad, but of course, his presence is very much missed. I still remember what it felt like celebrating raya away, but I know I had a blast. I'm sure he will too. After all, feeling sad isn't the way to celebrate eid.

So, Selamat Hari Raya to everyone! Please forgive my wrongdoings, be it intentionally or unintentionally.


Have a great raya!

picture perfect

First take.

Second take.

Gambar sample. That explains the stamp.

bila rindu

It's been almost 8 months now since my brother left for Sydney when it felt like it was just last week we bid our farewell in KLIA. And it actually took me this long to feel that longing feeling, to admit that I am missing him very badly.

I still remember how I didn't cry at all when we sent him off. In fact, the whole family didn't. He didn't, too. We joked that all the tears had been drained due to that one time when I was being sent off. Oh boy, did we cry or what. But I guess we weren't that worried because we knew he would do fine. After all, he'd been there once, so he is saved from the cultural shock.

I can say that we are close. Not very, but suffice to say that we have that brother-sister bond, truly. I told him some of my secrets and he told me his. But normally, it was all incidental, not intentional. It always eases me when I talk to him just about anything -- normally ramblings and complaints -- because I know he would just listen, and not comment. Because that is simply what I need. And I love him for that. He knows just what to do. And I miss that of him.

At times, I feel like I am not being a very good eldest sister because he seems to take care of me and my sister very well. But I am thankful because he should be, shouldn't he? After all, he is the only male sibling and the only son. The responsibilities are on his shoulders and I can say he is carrying them very well.

I can go on and on about him but that would mean an endless post which will bore you. My point is, I miss his presence. Very much.


All the more reasons to look forward to December :)

the call

There is always something uneasy when the house phone rings at odd hours, rousing everyone who joltly awaken with hammering hearts. Normally, the call would mean only one thing -- a way for bad news to reach the recipients.

So when the house phone rang around 5 am this morning, everyone was anxious. My mom answered the call. Her shocked expression confirmed my initial assumption. When she put down the receiver, I didn't have to ask for her to say, "Pakcik Salim jatuh. Dia pengsan. Ayah, pergi tengok". My heart drummed so fast I can't even reply. When it happened, there were only his wife and his youngest daughter. His other 3 children were at their own homes. I was told that it had something to do with his heart problem. Another neighbour rushed him to the hospital sebab tunggu ambulans lambat sangat.

Pakcik Salim is my neighbour. I grew up with him around. I played with his children and we still have that bond. Infact, the whole of Jalan 5 are pretty much a knit-tight family. Every auncle and aunty are like our parents and every child is regarded as their own. They've seen me matured and I've witnessed them ageing, too. A few pakciks had passed away over the years -- many of whom were gone while I was abroad, the news came shocking like a huge tidal wave.

I don't know what to feel if it was ayah. Pakcik Salim is about my father's age. I don't even want to think about it. Tapi, malang itu tidak berbau. It doesn't choose. Dan kita tidak dapat lari daripada ajal. I hope and pray that Pakcik Salim will be fine.

******edited******

Just seconds after this post was published, another phone call came. Allah lebih sayangkan Pakcik Salim. Innalillahiwainnaillahirraji'un.

words

I have always loved dictations. For one, I love listening to how words are being pronounced and from there I transferred them into words. It also tests one's listening ability which is the ultimate objective, for it makes one recognizes the words heard.

Since it is the fasting month, I decided to prepare more receptive-based activities for my students. Besides, it is one activity which I have shamefully neglect all this while regardless of how important a role it plays in language learning. I didn't have high expectations for this considering how much I know my students, but I gave it a try. Tak salah mencuba, after all teaching and learning is like trial and error juga.

My Form 4 classes weren't that bad, but I suffered from a sore throat as a result of too much repeating. So much for wanting to talk less and work more la kan. But it is a very good way of managing the classroom. The students were very silent as they want to hear the words right. To make it even more meaningful, I selected students randomly and made them write each sentence on the board later and together we checked. I could tell they loved it. Those who got the most ticks memang hidung kembang, show off sikit, especially the boys. And mostly, I know they learnt something out of it. The fact that they even tried was something that should be applauded.

I was quite surprised to discover that some students were really good with their spelling. They knew the words. So it shows that they are familiar with my utterances. Why was I so shocked? It's because in class, these students are normally the reluctant ones, they refused to participate and they hardly speak English. So yes, I was astounded. I probably shouldn't underestimate.

But there were misspelled words which I thought were hilarious. They were litterally being spelt as how they were pronounced. A boy actually spelt the whole sentence worngly I thought I was reading German.

Some of the words (which I could remember) were :

India for in their (by far the most funny and unexpected)
in lain
for in line
footboll for football
lipping for leaping

I wish I have my students' books with me so I can cite a few examples. I don't think it was my pronunciation which caused the inaccuracies. If it did, well, then the activity had lost its validity :)

uncertain

I think I might have just said yes to a post which I am not even sure I want.

Before the holidays, my PK Koko had popped me with a question and it caught me off-guard that I told her I needed some time to think about it.

During the holidays, I didn't really think about it much. It came to mind and it went just as briefly. Honestly, I didn't know what to think. Setiausaha Ko-Kurikulum is such a high post (one sits among the pentadbirs) and it is definitely demanding that I don't feel like I'm the best candidate. For the most part, I don't think I am ready for the workload which is synonymous to the post. And so, I put it at the back of my head until I was asked again today (Ingat dia dah lupa).

She could tell that I sounded hesitant. It's not even a 50-50 kinda thing. More like a 15-85 ratio, the latter being how much I don't want it. Truth be told, I am flattered to be offered such post. Seriously. What more, I was recommended by the previous PK Koko -- which came as a surprise when she told me about it. It's just that I don't think I am ready. There are just so much to do and I am afraid I won't be able to do it right.

But, on the other hand, I have this tiny urge to say yes because it's now or never. It would be great to learn how to manage things and know a little or two about how the whole thing goes in the school as far as co-curriculum is concerned. It kinda thrills me a bit. But that would also mean sacrificing much of my time.

And so when she asked me again if I was interested, I said yes (quite reluctantly)-- on the basis that I am here to learn more (yeah right) and that I can't do this unless I have a mentor (demanding pulak kan?) or someone whom I can work with together. Of course, she replied yes la kan. And she was one happy kitten when I left her room.

Oh boy. I don't know what I've got myself into. Should I even be grateful?

comel gila!!

Presenting to you...




PAPO!!!

Isn't he such a cutie? He's my neighbour if you're wondering. And that's his real name alright. He's a Sabahan. Hari-hari balik rumah akan kedengaranlah "Kakaaaaaakk..!!!" Oh, so cute!!! Geraaamm!!!


The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)