Final rambling

This pregnancy has made me one brittle lady. It's not easy this time around. No matter how many times I told myself to get myself together, I still face countless meltdowns; of which most are unexpected.

Having a one-year-old is already so very handful. Luqman is at that phase where he is overly active, and he is now very expressive where throwing tantrums is concerned. Don't get me wrong, he is such an angel most of the time but when he decides to be difficult, well, a (pregnant) mother can only cope so much. And then I look at my growing belly, and tears start rolling down uncontrollably.

It is exhausting; being pregnant and handling a growing toddler. My whole body aches like crazy. I can't even carry Luqman without having a backache and I give-up trying to catch up with him; I lose my breath so easily. Honestly, I don't know if I can cope. So many times I remind myself, everytime Luqman is giving me a hard time remember he is actually having a difficult time himself. I am bigger and mature, so I should know better. I guess hormones are just too empowering that I get carried away.

I know I am not in this alone. I receive all the help I can get, alhamdulillah. But at times I just feel like I am in it by myself. Again, hormones. I pity those close ones who had to cope with me, instead of the youngest one in the family. Mostly, I pity Luqman who I feel deserves better from me. 

Now I feel like crying. For no reason, really.

I am not blaming fate, not at all. Complaining, yes, maybe a bit. But I know, Allah is testing me with all of these because He wants me to be a better person. He wants me to learn to be patient and realise that it is separuh daripada Iman. And most importantly, I know He wants me to realise that when I feel like everything is crumbling, He is always there to listen, for me to pour my heart out. 

After all, He is the one with the solution just as He is with giving us problems and challenges. 

And there goes my last rambling of the year.

Scribblings at 3 am

Like every other night, I am now awake at such early hour - only I decided not to go back to slumber. Watching both my heroes soundly asleep gives me such content and I like the quietness and serenity of my surrounding. Ah, such a precious me time though the bed is a temptation.

I really don't know where this is going but I just feel like typing away. I know I should probably go back to sleep since Luqman might be awake again anytime, but I think I'll just spend a few more minutes with this post.

This is humbling. This whole me time thing. It allows you to relax, to reflect and well, slack. Slacking is something that I have long forgotten what it's like since I am always on the go and on the look out for Luqman. Even now, truthfully I am constantly checking on him every second, heh. I guess mothers just don't stop do they?

I am suddenly wrapped with this overwhelming feeling which is just hard to explain. Who would have thought that come another 4 months, I will be going through again the wonderful (yet daunting) experience of giving birth (insyaAllah!). And then, I will be a mother of two. Wow, surreal. Syukur! And who would have thought that I am reaching almost a year of breastfeeding my son; while I am pregnant that is! Subhanallah! What an experience and opportunity Allah has given me. Two major things that I am going through beautifully, alhamdulillah. 

Ok, Luqman's awake! Later!

 

Being grateful

I am trying not to complain as much as I can because I know I shouldn't in the first place.

Tired. Well, who doesn't? We all are. 

Too much too handle. Well, always remember the ones on our plate are just a tiny portion of that of others'.

Bored. Well, we all get bored at one point of our lives. Just go and do something different that will transport you out of your boredom, no? 

 

Complaining doesn't change a thing. It will only make you a person with many excuses and you'll become weak. Everytime I feel like complaining (voicing it out), I stop myself. I am sure we are all quick to articulate things that displease us (guilty!) together with the sighing. Well, it does feel good to iron out the crumple but how long does the satisfaction lingers? You'll feel better but later on, you'll have this tinge of guilt creeping in. That you shouldn't have in the first place. That you might have hurt someone along the way. 

We all should feel content and blessed. Whatever that we have now, the things that we have to go through every single day (no matter how routine and mundane), cherish them. Because once they're taken away, we'll soon realise how they colour our lives and shape us, even.

They are all tests from the Almighty. The hardships, those feelings we're feeling. I believe in that. 

Stop complaining and start improving. 

(A very great reminder to self, too)

I am grateful, alhamdulillah. 

Revelation and confrontation

How do you conceal you emotions when you are faced with an unexpected revelation? That you suddenly realise you've been lied to all these while although promises had been made.

Trust is definitely an issue now. Trusting seems difficult at this point, no matter how close the two of you are. I am shocked, sad, angered maybe. Betrayed, mostly. Paranoid is what lingers around you and you seem to question every move, every whereabouts.

I know there has to be an explanation. I am sure.  

Keeping calm and being patient are the best things to do right now. Before the approach takes place.

I pray that Allah will guide me to make the best step in the confrontation.

A place called home

"Home is the nicest word there is" - Laura Ingalls Wilder

After almost 1 and a half years' of wait, we finally received the keys to our home yesterday. Alhamdulillah! It's almost surreal walking into our own home. Wow. 

Together with the person in-charge, we checked (more like hubby je) for any defects that needed to be fixed. I, on the other hand, together with little boy were busy walking around, up and down the house admiring its bare content while my mind was already busy imagining the decorations and what not.

I.am.so.excited.

 

Luqman's busy checking out our home and his favourite spot was obviously the plug

Syukur alhamdulillah everything is almost settled now. We obviously can't wait to settle in into our new abode (of course a lot of work need to ensue first). To think that we first purchased this house with absolutely no moolah and we just tried our luck, is just surreal. Scary even! Alhamdulillah, we called it 'rezeki anak' because I was pregnant with Luqman at that time, and everything was smooth and eased with a little pitch here and there. Hopefully the road to moving in will be eased too, insyaAllah - now that I am pregnant again hehe

Did I tell you I am so excited?? Yes, I did! 

Finally, a place we can call home - it's everything we can walk to :)

IKEA, here I come!

On Turning 1

In approximately 2 weeks, Luqman will be one! I was talked into throwing him his first party (initially I was thinking of celebrating just among us) and I give in. I mean why not right? 

So I am putting my planner hat on and I am so excited! It's all I can think about every single day. Nothing too extravagant. Just a simple event with cute little details and decor (no budget already haha). Hopefully it will turn out as planned.

So-called paperwork. hehe

Owh school work can wait! haha

Book shopping

Like years before, I didn't want to miss out on the most awaited book sale of the year so off I went with my brother to this year's Big Bad Wolf Book Sale at the Mines Convention Centre yesterday.

 

At the entrance

We arrived around 10am (we could even smell the books from the stairs leading up to the place) so the hall wasn't buzzing with people yet so happily we strolled in and got lost in the pleasure of seeing lots and lots of books around us!

We both went separate ways. I hurriedly made my way to the children's section. My main mission for the day was to grab suitable books for Luqman. It drove me crazy.

I felt like having them all. Yes, everything was just too cute and necessary (?). So what I did was to chunk everything that caught my eye in the box and sort them out later. I did a few rounds of that section leaving the box at one place and then came back later if I found anything interesting to add. The box got heavier that I wasn't fit to carry it around like I am not pregnant haha

 

The sorting out session

One final check

And we're ready to go!

 

Before paying, I went to the Cooking Section as well as the Family Section to get some books for myself. I remember years before, I only visited the Fiction Section and didn't bother about the others. Things have definitely changed, ey? Haha I just made a quick pass at the Fiction Section and consoled myself that I will come back to them later (I am saving it for a next trip with a friend!).

At the exit - resting for a minute

The Kids' Corner situated outside the hall, at the exit

After about 3 hours spent, we drove home feeling contented for the day. At least for now. 

So, what did I grab?

Happy Luqman checking out his books. We'll read them together okay little boy?

 

 Easy preparing recipe books - pretty much a lazy bum am I? Time is everything baby! hehe

Recipe books for kids - love them!

 

A baby journal/scrapbook - just felt like having it for the second baby because I had one for Luqman before. Plus, it's only RM8!

 

A vocabulary Power Calendar Pack. Thought it would be a great teaching aid. Now I am thinking that I should have bought more for the English Panel. It's only RM8. Hurmm

And, I bought a Big Bad Wolf shirt for my husband since he doesn't read that much and I didn't know what book to get him haha

Sold at RM29.90. There were other designs and colours available, too.

I am so happy I went. Anticipating the next trip!

Bukit Gambang Resort & Water Park

On the 9th-10th November, we made our way to Bukit Gambang Resort and Water Park for my husband's Family Day. My sister tagged along. We missed the one held last year, so we decided not to this time. We're all excited as it would also be a family excursion.

The journey was smooth, alhamdulillah, with rain pouring occasionally. Luqman slept most of the time so I got to rest my eyes, too.

I had no idea how this place would look like (didn't bother to google) or where exactly it is, so I was anxious. When we arrived, I was relieved. It wasn't so bad after all. But the ground on which the whole place is built is still bare with many constructions going on. A Night Safari is opening soon, so they are working hard on completing the place I guess.

We arrived around 3-ish, so we filled our stomach with the lunch buffet provided. By then, we were all already tired and couldn't wait to check-in into our rooms only to be faced with a very unpleasant experience which I am not going to disclose. I don't know if it was the resort's service to be blamed or it's just the bad timing and circumstance we're put under, but it definitely made me fumed. Just thinking about it makes me emotional already.

Anyway, we finally checked in to our apartment (about 2 hours later perhaps?) which was the Carribean Bay Suites Resort Accommodation. It's a 2-bedroom apartment with a private balcony.

*click here for pictures*

We rested for a while, changed and decided to join the activities held at the field but it suddenly rained so we just stayed in and got ready for that night's family dinner at the grand ballroom.

The theme for the night was Red and Black. Everyone was dressed to the nines according to the colour code, in the hopes of winning the best-dressed award I suppose. The food was just okay. Apart from that, we were entertained by that comedian who hosted Warung Kita and that actor Razali Hussin (I hope I got it right) who acts in Tiara.

I guess the kids were the ones who enjoyed themselves much. We missed the lucky draw's grand prize, though, which was a Samsung Galaxy Note II & Galaxy Tab. As for little Luqman, he was soundly asleep despite the noise.

The next day, it was out in the sun day! We were all geared up for the fun in the water so after breakfast, we hopped on the mini train that took us to the water park which was just a 3-minute drive from the lobby.

As expected, the place was already crowded with so many people. I forgot that it was not just us, but there were 3 or 4 other companies who also had their Family Day there. Plus, the public, so you could imagine the suffocation.

The whole place isn't that big if compared to Sunway Lagoon. Again, of

course, Sunway Lagoon is definitely an unfair comparison due to its years of establishment, but it's an okay alternative.

I am not really a fan of water park due to hygienic purposes so I didn't let Luqman be in the water that long. Around 11-ish, we left but not before collecting our packed lunch. We decided to leave early as we had a wedding to head to on our way back.

In case you're wondering, there are other outdoor activities that one can do here like paintball, flying fox and obstacle courses. There is even a horse carriage ride if you feel like having a mini detour around the place.

All in all, I had a great time. Will I come back again? Probably not. Been here, done that. If it's not for this Family Day, I guess we wouldn't have made our way here at all. Can't wait to see how the Night Safari will turn out to be though.

For Muslimah

As far as I remember, I haven't been going to the hair salon for God knows how long. When I was studying, I had my friends to be my hairstylist. At home, my mum willingly provides free service. And I am happy like that.

But recently, I have been feeling the need to pamper myself with a good hair wash and a hair cut. This pregnancy makes me want to chop my hair so badly to clear my head. 

Been going to Empire to this one hair salon (because it has a closed room for ladies but it is always full so every time I had to put it on hold first). Worst comes to worst, I'll just wait for my mum to come back and let her cut my hair.

Until, one fateful day, I was in the car and I saw this huge shop sign :

 

 You could imagine how my heart leaped. A strictly muslimah salon! How come I've never seen this before? 

So today, I made my way there. Oklah. Of course, it's not APT or Vidal Sassoon but it's okay if you feel like having a decent haircut or hair wash. I am pretty satisfied with the service and I might pay them a second visit. For a haircut and hair wash, I was charged RM40. The ambiance and overall deco are satisfactory, too. The staffs and owner are friendly people from Sungai Petani, Kedah. This salon is their third branch and they just opened it in September so no wonder I didn't really notice it although I frequent the route.

So to Klang muslimahs or others within the vicinity, you can make your way here if you feel like pampering your hair. It's in Bukit Tinggi (ok, I don't know the exact address). If you're coming from the Federal Highway drive straight following the Banting signboard, but upon seeing a fly-over after the Andalas traffic light, keep left and make a u-turn under the fly-over and turn left into the shop houses facing the main road. Search for this shop sign, you won't miss it.

Alternatively, if you're from KESAS or Banting, just drive all the way pass Aeon Bukit Tinggi until you see Premiere Hotel and Tesco on your left. Keep left and after the traffic light, make a left turning into the row of shop houses facing the main road. Search for this salon.

Or you can call the numbers advertised.

chef at home

Now that Luqman's older, his taste buds are also growing. Alhamdulillah, he doesn't seem to have any allergies towards any food consumed yet so far so preparing food for him is a breeze.

So, I have been cooking up varieties of recipes to suit his appetite and I am enjoying the fact that Luqman loves them all! And boy, he is such a big eater! 

This holidays I have prepared all his meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner) myself, alhamdulillah. This gives me satisfaction as I can provide him with the best meal and hopefully will give him healthy benefits.

Below are just some of the meals prepared which I managed to snap. Just feel like sharing. I know they are probably simple and nothing out of ordinary, but it's my air tangan. Am proud of it :)



clockwise :

1. spaghetti in homemade chicken ball soup
2. Mickey-shaped pumpkin pancake/lempeng with unsalted butter spread
3. Batted chicken with bread crumbs, mashed potato and steamed broccoli
4. Banana pancake/lempeng 
5. Fried spaghetti with salmon and mixed vege
6. Lumpy rice, mixed-vege soup with celery, and fried ikan tenggiri 

Alhamdulillah, they all turned good. Some of the recipes are my own alterations from the recipes I found from the internet and online groups which I joined. They are really helpful.

I cooked most of the meals using either unsalted butter or Virgin Coconut Oil. They add on to the taste Yes, they taste good coz I have tried myself hehe


Enjoying his food with gusto!

No. 2

I posted this on Facebook some time last week and many shared the joy and I could tell that many were really surprised, too.

*Wahh second one already?*

I received many personal messages about this and what can I say? Alhamdulillah, syukur! Allah's rezeki! Well, I guess, the one person who's most surprised with this news was me myself.

Remember the post I wrote last Ramadhan about my menstrual cycle 'playing hide and seek' with me? Well, that's because I have already conceived at that time :) I could have fasted full the whole month if it's not for the spotting which appeared on the last day of Ramadhan (which I thought was my period) and I was relieved. Only it was short-lived as I was clear the next day and the days after which led me to buy the pregnancy test kit.

I wasn't exactly all hyped and thrilled when the double line appeared on the stick. I didn't know what I was feeling exactly at that time. But I remembered hubster was over the moon when I came out of the hotel toilet during our Raya vacation in Malacca a few months back and handed him the proof.

I was feeling and thinking a lot of things, mainly revolving Luqman. Like how he has to be a big brother at such a young age (calculatively, he would be 1y4m when this baby will be delivered insyaAllah), how I might have to stop breastfeeding him, will I be able to cope handling him while I am carrying another one etc. I questioned my husband how could this be because we have planned. I guess I was frustrated. At that, hubby stopped me and he said do not question Allah's fate. This is the ultimate rezeki, so be thankful. Astaghfirullahalazim! Why do I have to question it? And it was from there that I began to be more emotionally stabled. I told myself be grateful and embrace this second pregnancy just like we did the first time.

The first 2 months were quite tough, not because I was having terrible sickness, but because my body was exhausted most of the time. To add to that, I have Luqman to look after, what with my parents away for Hajj. I was mostly emotional and I broke down a couple of times. I guess my body was changing and the hormones just affected me much. I am so thankful I have my husband and sister who patiently put up with me and continuously support me. They joked that it might be a girl coz I was hormonal all the time (which turned out to be true!). Sheesshh! Then things got better and better, alhamdulillah!

So yes, I am more than happy now. I am currently at my 21st week.Alhamdulillah Allah decides to give us sooner than expected and I believe He knows best. I believe he has planned everything beautifully for us. I just pray that this pregnancy will be a smooth one, with no complications and I would be able to go through a normal labour, too insyaAllah!

11 months

Luqman turns 11 months today, alhamdulillah. He is almost a toddler, yeay!

The days leading to today, I can see that he has started to make his biggest strides toward independence *tear* His most noticeable progress is toward walking and at 11 months, Luqman has walked many steps on his own! Alhamdulillah. He becomes so fascinated with his new accomplishment that it is impossible to just let him sit still.  

Having said that, he still finds crawling is easier and quicker that we have to constantly keep an eye on him as he will 'disappear'. And his favourite spot is to crawl up the stairs. Sometimes we just let him be (with supervision of course) because this kind of 'play' helps him to coordinate his use of arms, eyes and legs. 

He babbles a lot, too, which I find really cute :) We try to let him to familiarize with a lot of words that he will be hearing often like 'Sit down', 'drink', 'give Umi', 'clap' (for every accomplishment he makes), our names, 'Bismillahirrahmanirahim' (to let him know it is his meal time) so that he will know how to make the associations later.  So far, he is progressing well. Oh and he knows 'hi' and 'bye' too.

 Perhaps I need to make him go through more picture books with me. I don't think he is not interested, it is just that sometimes he can't sit still. When he does, he seems to like it. Will try again and again and instil his love for books too :)

Ahh, my little boy is going through a fast-paced development that it is overwhelming at times. Now that it's the holidays, I am enjoying and loving every second spent. Soon, he is going to be a big brother and I hope I will be able to concentrate on him too as much as I will on his younger sibling. I want to witness all his developments and accomplishments. And I want him to know that our love and attention will always be there for him. 

This is because I realise that he has somewhat become a little clingy than usual, like he knows he is getting a sibling soon. There are days when he refuses to be separated with me, he gets cranky, and only wants to be held. It worries me at one point, but hubby said it's his phase. Babies, too, have feelings, and that he actually may fear separation from me, like he foresees his days of dependency is coming to an end once the baby is born. 

Anyway, I can't wait to chart more progresses the first 12 months will bring!

2 in 1

Both my parents have safely arrived from Medina early yesterday morning, alhamdulillah. It's such a great feeling to be able to see them again after 44 days. They are in their pinkiest of health alhamdulillah and they have never looked happier :)

All of us spent the night at Concorde Inn KLIA as my parents were expected to arrive at 1.00 am. Thank God it was just a 5-minute drive from our place to KLIA because mama and ayah arrived earlier than the expected time, so we rushed just in time to welcome them at the arrival gate.

With mama and ayah

We are so happy to have you back!

We were so excited with their homecoming that I almost forgot that it was also my husband's and I 2nd year anniversary! *slaps forehead* Time really flies, don't you think?

Like last year, no fancy celebration or the likes; just us wishing each other 'Happy 2nd year Anniversary'. Well, we'll probably go out for a nice dinner somewhere followed by a movie date. 

 

I even joked to him that I don't have to crack my head on what to give him as a present as we will be getting our precious gift in 5 months' time :) I remember it was also the same last year when I was pregnant with Luqman and just waiting for the time to pop! 

To you, dear hubby,

Thanks for the wonderful 2 years of marriage which I am sure has made us more mature;

Through trials and tribulations we have braved;

Through mistakes we have learned;

Thanks for being the leader and the shepherd - molding and leading us to the right path;

Thank you for always trying your best, providing us all you can;

Thank you for tolerating my temperaments (hehe) and always made me realise that patience is indeed a virtue;

And thank you for being the best life partner I could ever asked for.

Looking forward to many many wonderful years together, building a beautiful family, insyaAllah!

 The four of us, Singapore vacation, 2012

I pray that ours will last herein and hereafter and will always be blessed by Allah SWT, amin!

saying hello

I am enjoying my holidays so far, alhamdulillah (although work interferes here and there).

I have been moving ever since on the first day of school holiday itself and we just got back from Malacca yesterday. Pheww! With a very active 11-month-old and carrying the little one in the tummy, it is undeniably tiring but I can't complain, can I?

Traveling has also made me be more prepared and my time management is something that I can say I am proud of now. I now know better of handling things and preparing stuffs beforehand that it has now become second nature. Nothing to sweat now :)

I would love to share with you the journey and experience of the places we went. That would require separate posts, of course. InsyaAllah I will find the time to share my travelogue (chewah!).

For now, I am just going to enjoy my free time flipping through a novel since Luqman's asleep and mums would know how impossible it is for me to even get a hold of the newspaper once he is awake :)

Have a great day everyone :)

The fever is here

The day I worry is finally here. Luqman's been down with fever after 10 months.

His body's temperature was unusually high last night which kept both my husband and I alarmed. I gave him the medicine which his paed prescribed - it finally is being consumed. Then, We decided to wait until this morning and monitor his condition throughout the night.

His temperature was still high so we decided to bring him to the clinic. Husband was worried because we do not want him to have a fit - just like our nephew did the last time he had a fever even when his temperature was not that high. I forget about school (it was actually the fifth formers' Graduation Day today anyway so I don't worry that much) and off we went to the clinic at 7 am to avoid the traffic. 

It pains me to see him sick, really. He is his usual self, his appetite is okay and he still wants to breastfeed. He is still active but at times he cries uncomfortably and he has difficulty breathing.

He is now soundly asleep. I hope he gets well soon and that the fever will now stretch to days. 

His first tooth is probably peeking out, that's why :)  

(Yes, at 10 months he still hasn't had any teeth yet in case you're wondering)

Wordless Wednesday

Short getaway

Last weekend my little family and I went for a quick weekend getaway at Marriott Hotel and Spa Putrajaya.

 

It was actually a free gift voucher I received as the main prize for my school's hi-tea lucky draw session. Alhamdulillah, it was my luck. So off we went and stayed there for the weekend. The voucher entitled us to a 2 day 1 night stay inclusive of breakfast for two.

 

It was just a short stay but it was definitely a looked forward escapade for us to just relax and of course to let Luqman have fun in the pool!

Anyway, enjoy the pics!

Clearly Luqman did not like being in the float still and as it turned out he loves the tub more than the pool haha

The breakfast was scrumptious and I love the array of food provided. No pictures though. 

Managed to catch up with a good friend, Fatin in Alamanda. And also visited another dear friend, Durra who had just given birth. Another one joining the bandwagon of motherhood alhamdulillah :)

Looking forward to upcoming getaways!

Trial Week

The past five working days were totally exhausting (to me, at least). We've started sending Luqman to his Wan's house every morning now. The trial week so far was okay, despite the fact that our daily routine now changes 360 degrees and my day starts as early as 4 am.

Alhamdulillah, Luqman seems okay now with his Wan and my MIL, after the first day itself, seems to get a hang of everything. My only concern is that Luqman refuses to drink his milk when being fed by his Wan. The first 3 days saw a waste of EBM as they had to be discarded everytime MIL warmed each bottle only to be rejected by Luqman. The frustration was unbearable, honestly. Luckily, the past days I was invigilating PMR at a school nearby my MIL's house so I managed to go back home during breaks and breastfeed him and at times, put him to sleep, too.

I am now consoled, knowing that Luqman will be in good hands. I mean, yes, there's nothing to worry about since it's his own Wan taking care of him but you know how a mother's feelings are, kan? I will not lie that I had my reservations before. I was thinking a lot of things like will Luqman cry once he realises it's not his Nanny that's taking care of him; or will he throw tantrums (oh yes, he's an expert in that!) when he feels uncomfortable with his new routine in the unfamiliar arms; what if he refuses to eat; and etc

But, Luqman surprises me I almost cried. He was okay when his Wan bathed him, he was his usual self when he had his meals and he actually managed to sleep when his Wan dodoi kan him (which is quite a struggle on Wan's side since he refuses to drink his milk). Alhamdulillah, syukur! I applaud my MIL for being strong and persistent to make everything alright. Taking care of a baby is not an easy task especially at her age, but alhamdulillah, everything's eased.

And, to make everything even better, my sister will start her break next week, which means she will be at my MIL's house to help her out. Alhamdulillah, I can never be grateful. Indeed, it's perfect how Allah has planned everything nicely.

And I am just relieved that I won't be the one to drop Luqman off at his Wan's every day. I know I would cry a bucket even if it's passed 20 days :)

 

Swimming experience

Luqman had his first swimming experience during the last Raya. He was about 8 months at that time. No professional was hired, it was just us being his coaches ;)

I initially wanted to let him swim earlier but you know lah, my mum, "He is still so small, cannottttt" not knowing that it is perfectly okay for babies as early as a few weeks to swim. They have what is called the swimming and diving reflex. But it's okay, we adhered and decided to wait till he was at least 7 months.

So when we went for a raya holiday in Malacca, we decided to give Luqman a taste of the pool.

He hated the arm floats

He was okay in water but we dared not let him go underwater yet.

It was Luqman's dad I was quite worried for hehe

We're thinking that we should have gotten the round waist float instead because the bulky arms sort of limited his movements. Will get them later for his next swimming session.

Looking forward to more swimming sessions ya, little boy?