Third time's a charm - Part 2

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It was already 7 am. And we're still pacing up and down the room. Suddenly I had this urge to pass motion. Twice. My heart raced so fast and I panicked. I told my husband and he pressed the bell. The nurse came into our room and I told her my situation. The next thing I knew, I was rushed to the labour room on a wheelchair and I could feel my face turned white. This is it! It's time! 

Everything happened so fast. I was wheeled into this bright room with two midwives readily waiting. I was slowly transferred onto the bed. A female doctor came to check and I was already 7cm dilated. All the while, the contractions changed to expulsive, pushing ones. I was grunting with each contraction. Then, my husband came and sat next to me while holding my hand. I think he's saying words of encouragement or reciting his prayer; I don't quite know as I was too distracted with the pain and the urge to push. 

After a few minutes, the midwives got me ready into a pushing position. The doctor's been telling me when and how to push and she was so good at guiding me. She taught me how to really breathe properly with every contraction and to me, that really helped in giving birth this time around. I guess it took me 4 really long push (and tears streaming down my face) until the hard work was finally over. It was 8.36 am.

The next few minutes were blurry. I was left feeling nauseous and shaky. I was panting and my throat felt dry. I heard the midwives, the doctor and my husband rejoicing once the baby was out. "Well done!" "Good job!" were all I could make of amidst the noise. My baby instantly cried her first cry and she was put on my chest after my husband was given the honour of cutting her umbilical cord. She's beautiful, mashaAllah. Tears started to form again. My husband kissed my head and squeezed my hand. I let out a huge sigh of relief. It's over. Finally. 

Except, it wasn't really over down there. The doctor was busy examining my placenta and she made sure that nothing was left behind by pressing my tummy here and there. However, I was hardly aware of all this and the stitching as I was busy focusing on my baby and offering her the breast at the same time admiring her features. 

I was exhausted -- extremely exhausted. My hands were shaky and I felt cold. I was hungry and I instantly remembered the chicken chop that I had for dinner last night before going into battle. My husband passed me the dates and I drank half of the water in the bottle. I felt rejuvenated a bit. I looked at my husband and we both smiled. 

"She looks like her abang Luqman," I said.

"Yes, she does," my husband replied.

Syukur alhamdulillah. Selamat semuanya.

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You know. I have been having all sorts of thoughts when it comes to labour and giving birth for the third time. The fear escalates because you have gone through this twice before and you know what's coming - the signs, pain, etc. But every labour is totally different and truthfully, I didn't know what to expect. However, I have promised myself that I will try to have a normal unassisted birth this time around and alhamdulillah I managed with Allah's help. I also promised myself to not give in to pain easily and try to have natural pain relief instead of taking medical ones. Alhamdulillah, as much as I want help at some point, I aced this too, this time around. He has also made it easy for me during labour despite the long hours of battling contractions. Allahuakbar!

I guess it's true what they say -- The third time's always a charm. 

Third time's a charm - Part 1

I took a peek at the clock and I noticed that the time seemed to slow to a crawl. I looked at my husband who was snoring away softly on the sofa bed, all curled up just like a baby (I let him sleep and didn't wake him up because I knew he was equally exhausted and once the baby's out, he will have to run around to settle the post-labour chores. So yeah, let him get his rest). I told myself that it's going to be a very long night. I inhaled and exhaled.

Earlier today, I was alarmed by the bloody show that appeared. As there were no contraction pains yet, I decided to wait and got my hospital bag ready in the meantime. The discharge continued to pass until late evening and by that time, I'd started to feel the contractions slowly coming in. My husband came home, fetched the kids and off we went to my parents' to drop Luqman and Adeena before making our way to the hospital. Once there, the doctor who checked told us that I was already 3cm dilated. I could go back home and come here again when it's time but with the third child anything's possible. We took the doctor's advice and decided to stay for the night. 

With one hand at my waist and the other rubbing my bulging tummy, I paced around the room despite the labour contractions that were coming in quite regularly and more intense. I tried to relax but the pain -- oh boy, the pain! 

I had been alternating between walking and resting. I had tried leaning on a pillow and also the knee-chest position every time the pain kicked in. I focused on my breathing, too. God knows how sleepy I was. At one point, I think I dozed off on the bed as I was too tired only to be awakened by the entrance of the nurse, pushing in the electronic fetal monitor machine. 

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3 hours had passed. Pain's coming in still quite regularly and the intensity was still moderate. 3 more hours and it would be Fajr. By this time, I was already feeling very anxious and emotional. I just couldn't wait for the baby to come out. I almost gave up. It felt like ages! My husband's also awake. I guess my loud breathing and my little cries and howls sort of woke him up.  Anyway, he held my hand and paced with me around the room through what seemed like an endless transition. He was quiet most of the time - partly still feeling sleepy and partly because being quiet was the best thing to do at that moment. 

Every 10 minutes I would slow down and stopped and gripped my husband's hands so tightly. I cringed, shook my head and remember saying, "Ya Allah! Sakit!" everytime the contractions came. He would rub my back, cuddle me and whispered "Hang in there. Sikit je lagi ni". I nodded and continued pacing.

Tears started to form in my eyes. I recited the zikir and constantly prayed to Allah to please make everything easy for me. Luqman and Adeena suddenly came to mind and I became more emotional. I breathed in and breathed out slowly. I could do this, I told myself. 

I poured myself a glass of water and ate the date -- it was my 5th for the night -- and continued walking.

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I slowly opened my eyes. I was on the bed. I must have dozed off again. My husband was curled on the sofa bed. There was a knock on the door and the nurse came in wheeling that machine again. I was strapped with the elastic belts on my tummy. My eyes darted to the clock and it was almost 5.30 am. I sighed. "Sakitla nurse" I told her and she smiled. "Almost there" she replied. "Do you want any painkiller or gas?" I shook my head. "Keep on moving and walking. If you rasa macam nak buang air besar after this, you cepat-cepat tekan bell ya". I nodded weakly and she went out. I pulled myself to a sitting position. The pain was now so intense I felt like screaming on the tops of my lung. This whole transitional phase was the most difficult part -- the pressure and the pain my body was enduring; where do I even begin???

Then, it was time for Fajr prayer. I could hear the Azan from a nearby mosque. I moved my husband. He couldn't believe it was already dawn (he thought time passed by so quickly) while I, on the other hand, thought it was the longest night in my entire life. Together we prayed. In my last rakaat, the pain almost knocked me down from the chair, leaving me feeling all shaky. I thought, this is it. Maybe it's time.  

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to be continued

Almost there

It's hard to believe that I am already at my 39th week when it just felt like yesterday when we found out I was expecting. I'm in the homestretch! The anxiety, fear, and excitement are kinda overwhelming I would say. 

39 weeks pregnant me and my 34 weeks pregnant sister.

I am at that stage where everything is just not comfortable anymore. Sleeping at night is such a chore - tossing and turning to find the right position. I walk like a penguin at the rate of a gliding snail. Pregnancy at 39 weeks also means that I am always attuned to any signs of labor, which is quite scary. Yes, I am scared. Ohh, the contraction, the ultimate pain *shudders* 

It's the waiting game! And it's killing me. A little tiring don't you think? Since both my kids made their debut exactly at 40 weeks (Luqman on his EDD and Adeena came out a day earlier),I should expect the same with the third one, no? Hopefully. 

My kids have been asking the same question every single day on when is the baby coming out while rubbing and kissing my tummy. It's cute when Adeena tries to make conversation with her younger sibling in the tummy. 

We try to spend quality time as much as we can as a family now, knowing that after delivery, my focus will be shifted ultimately on the baby. I really hope that Luqman and Adeena will be able to understand later and not feel that detachment. 

I'm sure they'll be over the moon when the baby arrives hehe

For now, I would say preparation is almost 85% complete. However, I just can't get started on packing my hospital bag I just don't know why. Terrible I know. At this point of time, that bag should already be in the car when in reality it is still empty somewhere in my wardrobe. I hope I still have time.

Work wise, I didn't plan on taking leaves earlier and just continue to go to work until the end (just like my previous pregnancies) but on second thought (well, just two days ago actually), I decided to start resting this coming Wednesday. The doctor agrees and hopefully I'll get to relish the peaceful me-time three days prior to my due date. I already made mental plans on what I should be doing on that three days. So looking forward!

While I should be getting ready to celebrate, I actually dread the prospect of having to deliver a baby *cold sweat*. Please pray for me. Please pray that I would be calm and okay and that I will get through this delivery day fears. Who knows, the next time I post something here, my baby is already home :)

At this point of time

Sometimes, being pregnant can feel as if it's a full-time job already. And it's tough when you've already got a full-time job yourself -- the kind that requires you to move, climb up the stairs and entertain 30-40 clients at a time. Fatigue is not even apt to describe what I have been feeling everyday for the past 8 months I am carrying. That's my biggest challenge so far -- fighting fatigue.

Things can get quite stressful, I admit, but I try not to make it adversely affect my health and my mood. The thought of a 3 months leave seem to uplift me the most and a newborn in my arms to hold. And yes, of course, I get plenty of sleep and rest. 

Despite the occasional struggle, exhaustion, pain and frustration, alhamdulillah, life continues to be amazing. And all is happy in my corner of the world.

Going for three

We - my husband and I - have always known that we will not stop at only two kids. We already have two spaced approximately two years apart: a boy and a girl. They each have their own room in our modest three-bedroom home, and they fit perfectly in the back seat of our midsize car. To some, this  seems like a perfect picture, content with a complete family that dismantling cribs and donating baby clothes are the next step in moving ahead with their lives. 

While I don't make judgments and leave the decision to their own, I personally do not feel done having children. I can't really explain sufficiently the desire for having a third but my mind drifted to the time when my two toddlers were small; their soft tiny feet and fingers, their heavenly smell and their squeals of delights. Besides, I constantly feel that someone is missing. My husband and I would occasionally talk about what if there is another Luqman or another Adeena in the house and it seemingly looked like a good idea. 

I realized I might wonder “what if” forever if I didn’t get a move on, and since my husband and I were on the same page—I couldn’t have proceeded otherwise—we held our breath and leapt. It was such a big step we took and one that we were truly ready for (for one I have weaned off Adeena and I am ready for another 2 years of breastfeeding journey and we are prepared mentally, emotionally and financially).

Alhamdulillah, I am now 21 weeks pregnant. Interestingly, I am less tired while pregnant with my third than I had been with my second, even with more years on my body and an extra child at my side. But unlike with my second pregnancy, my kids now are more self-sufficient, and we are all sleeping better. I feel great.

I know some might say "Why would you want to start everything over again?" Well, I guess what they say is true. We tend to forget the hardest parts of pregnancy, labor and raising another being, at least enough to go through it again especially while we are still young! 

With another 4 more months to go, I am praying hard everyday that everything will be eased. Can't wait for our wonderful gift come April next year :)

A day off

I took my first medical leave this year today - as opposed to my resolution not to since I will be on a long leave soon. Well, I believe one should listen to her body, especially when she's pregnant. And I did just that because I didn't think I could survive a day in school today when I was awakened at 5 am.

My stomach was like a volcano waiting to erupt. It was queasy, the sound it made was unpleasant and as a result, many trips to the loo which was annoyingly tiring. I suspected diarrhea. To complete the package, I vomited a few times. By 6 am, my stomach was empty and painful. I was a weak bloated lady by then. That's when I decided I need the day off.

Had my breakfast but my stomach was still doing its somersault. I wanted to eat more but I just can't due to the queasiness. Poor baby. Went to the clinic and doctor told me it was something that I ate. At that time, my stomach was gassy due to not eating. I was shivering at one point, too. 

Drove home while eating (I was too hungry). Reached home, took my medication, breastfed Luqman and together we both dozed off till noon. I felt much better after that, and had lunch that mom prepared and felt even better.

Lesson learnt : Maggi goreng mamak with tempoyak, no matter how delicious, is not good for you; pregnant or not pregnant. 

Oh well, I believe my staying home for today has its hikmah too. Besides resting, at least I got to complete some of my pending work which is just neverending. Alhamdulillah. 

(un)prepared

I got a jolt yesterday realising that I am just a month's away from my delivery and I have prepared NOTHING for the baby! Yes, you heard me - nothing. 

I am so occupied with so many things that I barely have time to think about little girl (sorry honey!) and I feel really really bad. I do think of what to get, what to do, etc but they're all just mentally calculated and it's always "Oh, this can wait". I have this calm feeling that everything will be sorted out eventually but yesterday the realisation just hit home and I am now freaking out!

I told my husband and he's not even helping. Being the unexceptionally calm person he is, he just went "Well, don't you worry. We still have time". Right.

And time is something that flies by really quick.

I still have some sorting out to do from Luqman's baby rompers. You know, the ones which colours are not so gendered. I am sure little girl won't mind the hand-me-downs :) 

And, to overcome the empowering guilt, I bought this yesterday for little sunshine :

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Apparently, this is the only one filling her wardrobe. For now. *tsk!*

Precious

As weeks pass by and as my belly grows, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with everything.

May Allah eases everything for me, amin.

My precious two :)

The difference for No.2

Many people have asked me, "How is this pregnancy different?"

Well, I'd say it is different in a few aspects; emotionally (especially) and physically.

Emotionally

Like I have shared before, I have been grappling with my unstable emotional condition for quite some time, especially in the early trimester. It could be due to the excessive hormones or it's just me (or the baby hehe) I still experience it now and then but it's more controlled, unlike before. While I didn't experience this during Luqman's time, I'd say it's a totally different feel this time around.

Physically 

This, I can say, a tremendous difference than the first one. Firstly, a noticeable feature is that I am not gaining as much weight like I did before - a sign that I am carrying a girl (many would say). But it's true. I can feel it. At 28 weeks, I only gained 9kg so far despite my ferocious appetite. Before, I was a balloon at this stage and I had started to experience swollen feet due to water retention. None of that yet, for now.

My belly isn't as pronounced, but nothing to worry because alhamdulillah baby is growing well, active and kicking. She's been gaining weight and her size is proportionate, too, insyaAllah.

No symptoms of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome yet. Neither do I experience any jolting of the leg's muscle at night while sleeping (phew!) No itchiness or rashes on the belly (yeay!). But, the back pain still persists. 

As for morning sickness, nothing too serious, just mild ones like before. Alhamdulillah!

No heartburn, too.

Having said all that, there is one more thing that is totally different than the first. Ever since my earlier check-ups, I was told by the doctor that I have low-lying placenta. It wasn't to be worried because it will eventually rise later but up to the 6th month, it is still low-lying. I was lucky that I didn't experience any bleeding, like most cases. At that, my worry grew because the risk of having a low-lying placenta (if it still doesn't rise) is a c-sec or I'd be bed-ridden during the last trimester to avoid any sudden bleeding or emergencies. Yes, it is that serious. 

The cause? Nothing. I was briefed that it just happens even if I had a normal pregnancy and delivery before.

The doctor said to wait until the 7th month, when it would normally go up. So you could imagine how nervous and anxious I was when I went for my check-up this morning. 

And syukur, alhamdulillah, it's no more low-lying! 

"Tidak menghalang saluran bersalin"

I was sooooo relieved I couldn't stop smiling and praising the Almighty. Whatever the doctor said after those words were not paid attention to. In my mind, I was alhamdulillah alhamdulillah insyaAllah normal vaginal delivery. 

So yes, we are hoping for the best insyaAllah. A few more months to go. Oh how time flies!

2 things that I miss

There are 2 things that I miss now that I am pregnant.

1. Pumping/expressing milk.

After religiously pumping for 10 months, I decided to stop. It feels really weird not carrying that bag around every single day and not hearing the loud yet funny sound of FS pump, which at one point, was called my 'lifeline' by a colleague (it was, actually). So, what made me stop? 

It is known that if you're a breastfeeding mum-to-be, a reduction in your milk production is unavoidable. I didn't realise my supply was decreasing bit by bit due to being pregnant until one day the amount of expressed milk I managed to get was short by 4oz. And that's frustrating if you ask me. But it was the fasting month at that time, so I tried to think positive. But the amount kept on decreasing and combined with nipple sensitivity (another sign to watch for in early pregnancy) I was experiencing, pumping became an unpleasant experience. Plus, I was tired most of the time, everything became arduous. 

So, when it was confirmed I am pregnant with number 2, everything just made sense. I tried pumping a few times after that, but it got painful due to the nipple sensitivity and I didn't want to take the risk of dealing with bleeding nipples. As much as I wished I could continue my routine, I thought stopping was the best decision. After all, I am not in this alone. Many bf mums-to-be are experiencing the same thing.

And that is why if you're a bf mum, planning your second pregnancy is vital because you don't want the bf journey to be interrupted for fear of some complications that might require you to wean your baby off.

As for me, alhamdulillah, I do not face any complications yet. I am still bf Luqman, he seems to be okay and doesn't show any signs of weaning, and syukur the EBM stock is still sufficient for now, insyaAllah. Lesson learned : Never take for granted your pumping session and keep on making stocks because you'll never now what's in store for you in the future. And I believe it is all Allah's doing and ada hikmahnya :)

2. Wearing my PB corset.

Just like pumping, my PB corset is my other best friend right after the 2nd week of me delivering up until I was known to be pregnant. I love love love what it does to my whole body - and the major one was to help me lose so much weight until I went lighter than before I got married!

I also love how it keeps my body intact, my back straight and it sorts of 'heals' the backache I was experiencing due to bf duty and post-pregnancy aches. All in all, a day with wearing PB makes me always on the go and it makes me feel good.

Now when I am faced with sheer exhaustion due to double-mummy duty, I wish I had my PB on, wrapped around my body, healing the backaches I am experiencing. It's okay, approximately 3 more months and you'll be attached to me again!

my story

It has been almost 2 months but I feel compelled to share my labour story.

Like everyone else's, mine would be another 'sama tapi tak serupa' account but it was a unique experience for me.

So, I have shared the story of the first stage of labour - The Show - here. I guess I'll take it from there.

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That morning (28th of December 2011), at 9.30 am, we decided to make our way to the hospital because I felt the contractions were starting to peak and they were frequent. It felt like it was never going to end, but they were still mild and I could still walk albeit slowly.

Once in the labour room, the normal procedure was carried out. The nurse checked and my cervix had dilated 3 cm. I remember the first thing the nurse did was to insert a pil into my anal for me to pass motion almost immediately. That was done to empty my bowel. Then my urine was forced out through a tube. I was too busy coping with my contraction that I wasn't really aware of what's been done or how. Next, she broke my water and that was the start of a stormy time for me, physically and emotionally. The whole time I was strapped to a CTG machine to monitor the baby's heartbeat.

At about 12 pm, I began to feel some expulsive, pushing contractions. It was painful, they really hurt. After some time, I just couldn't take it anymore. At one point, I felt shaky, shivery and sick. I looked at my husband begging for him to do something but of course there's nothing that he could do. He held my hand and cuddled me, in the hope of trying to make the pain go away but it won't. We also had the beautiful ayat from the Quran be on constant play on our Ipad - that was really calming. The nurse checked on me every hour and alhamdulillah, I seemed to dilate every hour, too.

At about 2.30pm, that's when I said I really couldn't carry on anymore. The pain was really tugging that I remember falling asleep for awhile - I guess I blacked out. The contractions were pushing my cervix to its limits before the big push. It was intense. It's like your lower body is going to fall off anytime but it didn't. It also felt like you're going to pass motion - only it is out of your control. I feel sorry for my husband whose hand I gripped so tightly come every contraction (that's not even birth time yet!). I was too tired coping with pain that I can't even verbally recite the dhikr. I recited them in my heart. In the midst of that all, I managed to eat a few kurmas and drank some water.

This phase went on for an hour when the nurse who checked my opening said "Okay, dah 9 cm. Dah boleh mula push ye". I began to panic because this is it! I was really scared of what's to come at the same time I can't wait for it to be over. This was when I could feel the pressure between my legs and I know the baby's coming out anytime. The doctor came. Together with 2 nurses and my husband, they guided me and encouraged me throughout the hard work. I pushed down during contractions and took breaths in between.

As my baby descended, I got an overwhelming urge to push but somehow the baby still isn't out yet. It's when I saw the doctor reached for a cup-like suction device that I know my baby will need a helping hand to be delivered. As much as I prayed for a normal unassisted birth, God has better plans. My baby was vacuumed. Because I was getting an assisted birth, I also had an epiosotomy - a cut made at the skin of the entrance of the vagina towards the back passage (yikes!) to allow for the vaccum device to be inserted. With that and a few hard long pushes after, my baby was delivered at 4.05 pm - on the day of my EDD (yeay!)

It felt like a huge watermelon had gushed out and at the end of that, all I can say is I have never felt so relieved in my life. It's finally over! The placenta was delivered too which made my stomach felt really empty. My husband can never stopped planting kisses all over my face and I was too exhausted to really care. We praised Allah for his gift and we were relieved that everything ended with no complications.

The stitching and whatever things that took place after labour weren't much cared for as I was too busy admiring our baby. The fact that I was covered with blood and bodily fluids didn't distract me at all. Like I said, I was just overwhelmed with relief. All the time, I felt like I didn't just go through that all. It was like having an out-of-body experience. I didn't shed any tears, too, and we were all smiles.

It was when my husband recited the azan and iqamat that I felt a lump in my throat. Realization hit me that this precious little thing is our ultimate responsibility, our little caliph on earth.

This has got to be my greatest achievement ever. Nothing would ever top this feeling of pure satisfaction that we had made him and I have never felt so content alhamdulillah!

I am now a proud mother.

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It was indeed a battle. That is why syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki ibu :)

Be grateful that you're a woman because we are definitely the chosen ones.

And praise Allah for all the rewards he bestowed upon us :)

saturday gift

Remember in my previous entry I wrote on my maternity shoot?

Well, the end product has finally arrived today!

I didn't expect Fikri to pos laju it since I thought he would pass it to my brother. And thanks for the card too!

A sneak peek of what's in the album :

Absolutely love everything! I'm one satisfied customer and a happy mummy :)

Will definitely hire him again for future events - Luqman's aqiqah is much looked forward to!

Check him out.

The show

I am now lying wide awake on my bed typing away as my husband is already drifting miles somewhere in his dreams. I couldn't get back to sleep as I am constantly awakened by what I believe is the start of my labor contraction. I am now timing each contraction between intervals at the same time I am typing. My heart is beating fast too!

Earlier yesterday evening at about 7.30pm, I was shocked when I discovered the show (blood stain) appeared on my panties. I shrieked because one, I was panicked and two, I was somewhat relieved. Relieved that the time has finally arrived.

You see, I have been anticipating the obvious signs but there seemed to be none eventhough my EDD is nearing (it's today!). My water does not break yet, no painful contraction whatsoever, and no show. So you could imagine my feelings when the show finally appeared, an indication of labor is nearing.

However, I still did not experience any pain which was why I was somewhat unsure whether or not we should dash to the hospital. I remember reading that you should only make your way to the hospital when the pain is stronger. The midwives from the antenatal class said the same thing.

Mum obviously urged us to and a close friend shared the same view. They definitely didn't want us to take the risk since it's our first baby, so after Isyak we drove to DEMC.

I was surprisingly calm, anticipating what's going to happen soon. But my husband was quiet, I know he's more nervous than I am! So once there, we made our way to the labour room where we were greeted by a pleasant looking nurse. I told her about the show and the next thing I know I was lying on the hospital bed, strapped to a CTG machine for 20 minutes. This was done to monitor the baby's heartbeat. Alhamdulillah, he's fine. The sound of his heart beating is just beautiful, mashaAllah! I can't believe we will be meeting him soon, insyaAllah!

Then came the dreadful part where the nurse had to check my opening. I am telling you, I can never be ready with such procedure because it was so daunting the last time I had it that I freaked out this time too. She poked me (I gulped!) and thrusted her two fingers inside me (godek2 inside) and said what I already expected - there is no opening yet. False labor, rupanya. We were allowed to return home but to rush there if I experience strong, persistent labor contraction or if my water breaks. We have to be on standby mode because we can never be sure.

So here I am at home on my bed, after 2 hours of our return, experiencing the start of labor contraction. That's quite soon isnt it? It is somewhat mild and bearable, period pain like, coming in at every 15 minutes tops. And the brownish stain is still there.

So, pray for me friends. I am going to continue timing and probably get a nap in between. I am actually very tired and sleepy (and hungry too!). Hopefully the next time you hear from me is when the baby is safely wrapped in my arms, insyaAllah!

Mood swings

Been having mood swings for the last couple of days. Probably the last thing I would expect to deal with right now.

My emotion has been very brittle if I may put it that way. I feel elated, at times, very anxious. I don't think I have gone as far as being depressed but little little things seem to upset me much. Then I'll snap. And then I'll cry.

With just a few days away from my EDD, I worry about this sudden mood change of mine. I know family members are trying to let me be, for they either understand or they simply are being oblivious. My husband's been putting up his 'silence' whenever he senses my moodiness, but even that backfires - I became more upset.

So tell me mummies, is this normal? Have any of you gone through similar experience?

The books said nothing so I googled about this. Apparently, it is normal. Mood swings flares during the first trimester, eases during the second, and reappears at the later stages of the third trimester. Hurrm, question has been answered I guess.

I also think it could be stemmed from fatigue, too. Sleeplessness, anxiety, and well, fatigue.

I continuously recite the dhikr and istighfar. I just hope that I will feel more at ease on days leading to my due date.

The nesting instinct

I am now experiencing what is called The Nesting Instinct. I guess the book bears some truths after all. In my earlier weeks, I didn't quite believe that I (or any heavily pregnant ladies) will be capable of this sudden emergence of the 'nesting instinct'. By now, most women are simply too tired and worn out. Me included.

However, it is just so surprising that I suddenly feel the urge to clean every surface in sight - that's the nesting instinct. Organising the cupboards, scrubbing the toilet floor, dusting and wiping every surface, arranging the slippers and sandals, and making sure that the cushions are in order are just some of the things that sometimes I find myself frantically do.

As well as the physical signs of labour, a common clue that labour is just around the corner is the sudden emergence of the "nesting instinct". If you are close to your due date and find yourself frantically cleaning out drawers, organising cupboards and dusting like crazy, it may be that you'll soon be welcoming your baby into the world. Nesting is probably prompted by your pregnancy hormones and the instinctive desire to prepare the 'nest' for the new arrival. In the animal kingdom, female animals and birds have similar patterns of cleaning and preparation before they give birth. By having the house spotlessly clean, your baby's room ready and all her clothes organized, you are ensuring that she will have the best chance for growth and survival once she is born

Hurmm. It does make sense, doesn't it?

Naturally, I am a tidy person. Close friends would second that, I know. Throughout my pregnancy, tidiness somehow doesn't really click well with me. I am just too tired to even bother if everything is in place and in order. And people don't really mind - pregnancy makes you get away with things a lot! But of course, there are things that appear bothersome and such a nuisance especially when my husband makes the room a shipwreck - that I cannot tolerate, so gagahkan juga diri untuk tidy everything up. And that's as far as it goes. My sister once said, " Rina ni mengandung jadi pemalas and tak heran dah kemas- kemas". Something that I don't get everyday ok!

Though I am now in the home stretch, being tired and breathless are the things that I can't get away from. With the 'tightening' - Braxton Hicks contraction - ever so frequent now, it makes it really difficult to move about quickly. However, the nesting instinct proves to be so empowering that those things do not come in the way. There is always something to do to please this pregnant lady and I might just tidy up my sister's room after this post is published!

I know some of you would say, "Hey, don't push yourself too hard". No, I am not. I am doing all these within my capability and I certainly take that rest to save my energy for labour (and the wakeful nights that lie ahead!). Besides, it makes me move around so I don't become that lembik, inactive pregnant lady and you know what the old folks normally say, "Aktif sikit dah nak akhir-akhir ni, senang beranak". So there. Habis aktif dah nih! :)

The next 10 days will be an exciting time and a bit apprehensive too. I can't believe it!

Moga-moga dipermudahkan, insyaAllah!

click! click!

On the 7th of December, I had the privilege to be captured at my 37th week. It was not quite in the plan all the way to have this maternity shoot. However, since my brother's friend offered and he was willing to spend the time, my husband and I thought, "Why not?"

After many rescheduling, last Wednesday was the day. Fikri came over to our house and the clicking session began.

The setting up :

It started off with shots of yours truly as my husband was still at work, and my sister was still at her uni. I didn't have to move that much, but even that was tiring enough.

The photography session :


It's been quite some time since I was photographed 'professionally' so to speak, so I was a bit awkward in my poses and it took me awhile to relax hehe I was more concern on how 'fat' or 'chubby' I would look :) I guess, that can't be helped!

The silhouette pose :

(my personal favourite)

The session was continued at night when my husband and my sister were home. It was super fun because everyone was so sporting (including my husband) and who would have thought that our living room would make a perfect studio!

I can't wait for the final product. I am sure it will turn out great!

Thanks Fikri for your time and offer. And I love your creativity. Check his link above. He's good :)

The waiting game

Yesterday night was the second time the pain did tricks on me. At my stage, labour could start at any time now, so you could imagine how alarmed I was - not to mention the husband.

The first time I experienced what I thought was the first stage of labour pain was last week. My stomach was unexceptionally queasy - almost like what I'd feel when I am about to get my period. It's been awhile so I didn't quite register the kind of pain I was feeling. I was restless almost a quarter of the night, tossing and turning, only to discover it was nothing because I somehow fell asleep.

Last night was similar only the pain was stronger. At one point I could feel tears forming in my eyes because it was painful. I was overcame with fear when the pain kept on attacking. However, I was also so sure it wasn't really labour contraction I was feeling because the pain wasn't persistent. It didn't occur at regular, increasingly shorter intervals and longer and stronger in intensity. It's just a more painful crampy premenstrual feeling.

Pheww!

I am so grateful that I have many mommy friends that I could turn to for advice (besides my mother). I love listening to their labour experiences, which to me don't differ that much ( in terms of their signs of labour pain). Their stories have helped me be more mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared as a first-time mum. Sharing stories and discussing my worries prove to be fruitful because I think I can sense the fear gradually fading and I am now anticipating to give birth. Alhamdulillah for the strength!

Also a reason to go out on more dates with girlfriends.

I also turn to these two books (my pregnancy bibles) for information. To me, they are the ultimate guide from preconception to birth and after (how to handle our newborn). What you don't get in one, you get in the other. They equipped yourself with knowledge you're supposed to know and especially to prepare youself with whatever is coming your way. Plus, you know what to ask your doctor and you don't feel too lost when your doctor explains about something with those jargon hehe

(bottom) A book I bought on recommendation, (top) A wedding gift

Right now, it is the waiting game for us. Our baby could arrive any time, any day and my husband has to be ready for that 'drop-everything' call :)

welcoming a new day

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.

Most importantly, a new baby is like the beginning of all things, hope, a dream of possibilities.

Ummi and ayah can't wait to meet you!

some updates

Me @33 weeks, alhamdulillah

At this stage, I have a few common minor and temporary complaints. Backache and back pain are absolutely unavoidable as it is a problem common for pregnant ladies caused by pregnancy hormones that have a relaxing effect on our joints and ligaments. Supporting the weight of our bum also means there's more strain on the back. This, goes without saying, affects my sleep badly as I now do not enjoy the luxury of a good night sleep due to the pain and my swelling belly. Even with support pillows all around me don't seem to do me justice. Sleeping with the suggested position helps a little. For now, I can only be happy sleeping on my side.

I have started to notice a week back that I always woke up with finger pain and numbness, and also at the wrist. I can't even flex my fingers right. At first I thought I have slept on my fingers since I've been sleeping on my side, but after experiencing it everytime I wake up from sleep, I became worried. A visit to the doctor one day answered my question. This pain and numbness is caused by swelling and weight gain (I must have gained a lot!). My readings confirm that too. So, I have been watching the way I sleep and flexing my wrists and fingers regularly throughout the day. My husband will now and then massage my hands and wrists upwards. Those things help to ease the pain. Besides, I drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy to avoid excessive weight gain.

Next, leg cramps. I experienced my first leg cramp during my 4th month. I was jolted from sleep with this muscle contraction that gave a sharp pain in my legs. It was absolutely nothing like I have ever experienced before. I was crying the whole time. Wailing, was more like it. My husband didn't know what to do so he just massaged the muscle until the cramp subsided. This cramp strikes more now. It hurts real bad that sometimes I am afraid to go to sleep. From my readings, it said that this is caused by the extra weight that I am carrying and the pressure it puts on my leg. Too little calcium and potassium in the diet can be factors too. So, I have been increasing on my milk intake and eating lots and lots of vegie and fruits. I also try to stay as active as possible by walking and I stretch my legs before I go to sleep. So far, alhamdulillah, I have been cramp-free for 3 days now since the last strike.

Swollen hands and feet (oedema) are common and they are also unavoidable. They are a result of a chain reaction in the body. During pregnancy, we acquire extra blood and the growing uterus puts pressure on our blood vessels that causes our blood to pool. The pressure from the trapped blood forces water down into the tissues of our ankle and feet which then results in the swelling. I notice my first swelling at my nose and then my feet and fingers. I have changed shoes/sandals three times due to the swelling. And I have joined my watch strap twice, I don't think I am doing it anymore. Don't even talk about fitting my rings. I'd like to think that my oedema is normal. For now, I raise my feet whenever possible as it gives me that soothing and relaxing effect. And I walk a lot, too. Plus, I drink a lot of water to avoid hydration.

Besides that, stretch marks is inevitable. It is now noticeable especially at my thighs, stomachs and my calf. They are red spots/stretches caused by weight gain. I try to religiously apply Bio Oil at these areas (I sometimes forget due to fatigue and sleepiness). Hopefully it works. Another thing that's worrying me is the red spots that seem to appear on my skin especially at the stomach. They are not rashes and they don't always itch that bad. It is more like body acne of some kind. The doctor said that this is again due to the hormones and they will disappear gradually but I can't help but worry especially when they resurface more. I am applying the cream that the doctor prescribed and am also using the Aiken medicated talc daily. Will need to update with my O&G this coming check-up.

Despite everything, I am absolutely grateful that I get to experience all of these. To be pregnant itself is the ultimate gift from Allah SWT. This is indeed a great bounty of Allah SWT. The virtues of pregnancy make it all a worthwhile experience after all.

It is narrated from the Prophet of Islam that:

“When the woman becomes pregnant, all angels of heaven would pray for her forgiveness as well as all the creatures of the sea. For everyday Allah would write in her account the reward of one thousand good deeds and forgives one thousand misdeeds.

When the child labor commence, Allah would give her the rewards of those who struggle for the sake of Allah (jihad), the reward of the Martyrs and the pious ones. Her sins would be cleansed like a new born. In addition, Allah would give her the rewards of seventy pilgrimages.

When she nurses her child, for every drop of milk Allah would reward her one good deed and forgives one misdeed. Even the heavenly creatures of Paradise-‘hur al’ien, pray to Allah for her forgiveness"

MashaAllah, how rewarding! How loving Allah is. Let us express our endless gratitude to Him for all that He has bestowed upon us, whether we are pregnant or not.