the after

Dealing with grief is something that I am no expert at. But I try to be supportive and empathic to the person involved.

In this case, it's my mother-in-law.

Losing someone, especially your life partner is hard, no matter how mentally and emotionally prepared you are. I can only imagine her feelings everyday, waking up to an empty bed, no one to come home to after a day's work, and no more daily cooking because there's no one to taste them.

She is still at that stage where reminiscing is inevitable. Little little things will constantly remind her of arwah. Like the other day, I brought home McDonalds ice-cream, instantly she said, "Abah suka makan ni". And then it makes you realize that even when someone had left, there are things that will definitely remind you of him/her. Memories are very powerful.

While we used to come over for our weekly visit, now we sleep over every weekend. At least she has a reason to cook again, to feel energised with more people in the house, and for us to see that cheerful smile again. I try to keep her company by having simple chats with her, and most importantly listen to whatever she feels like saying - even if most of what she talks of is about arwah. I believe that is her way of healing - by letting it all out. That's the least that I can do. Sometimes, company is all that matters - even if we don't utter a single word. It's knowing that there are people by your side no matter what and I think that's consoling enough.

I learnt that never take your loved ones for granted. It's total cliche, but it is so true. They will be with you one day, and gone the next.

Alhamdulillah, from what I have seen and been told, my mother-in-law has been a very good wife, attending to arwah's needs all the time while he was still alive. She has been an excellent homemaker (still is) and I think there was never a time that she never puts arwah's and her sons' priorities aside. The only regret would be not being able to be by arwah's side when he left.

She is still mourning (she has to for 4 months and 10 days). I hope she will stay strong throughout although I know this is something very difficult to cope with, insyaAllah.