because I care

I am suddenly reminded of a close friend. Actually, she has been popping into my mind countless times before but I just didn't want to think about her. Thinking about it now, I wished I had put more effort and took necessary actions to reach out to her.

Not that she's in some kind of a trouble (I hope so), but I think she owes me some explanations. I don't know what exactly that went wrong or what went through her head, but I know I needed to know. I tried calling and sms-ing but there was no reply. At that, I decided to stop bothering.

I think most of our small circle of friends needed to know. The last time we met (some time last year), she shocked me with a piece of news which left me angered. And the last time we talked, we were supposed to meet but due to unforeseen circumstances, we didn't. And after that, I can only wonder what she's been up to.

I can always try contacting her again. I know I can. There are even other possible ways of reaching her. But I don't know what's halting me. I guess being the one at the receiving end, I am afraid to know.

As for now, I can only pray and hope that you will be at your finest and that you'll be spared from any problems.

the sillyness of the mouth

Have you ever felt like you're the dumbest person on earth after something you've said? That you feel like hitting yourself on the head for saying those things?

I do. Especially when I try to be nice or friendly to people whom I have recently acquainted with during friendly conversations. I wish I could say the right things and not feel the terrible awkwardness creeping in right after. Laughters and silly responses from others are much better than the terrible silence you cause in the few seconds.I don't know what's wrong with me but it happens to me almost all the time.

Like this one time at the hospital after my mom's operation, we were visited by our neighbour. The topic of the caramel pudding she gave us came up. We thanked her again and we complimented her of the delicious dessert and that we all loved it. And I said, "Ada lagi kat rumah dalam fridge". Then there was silence. That was when I realised the pudding was given to us like 2 weeks before, which by calculation should be finished considering how delicious it tastes. I could have left it at that, but konon-konon nya nak coverline, I added, "Sedap sangat sayang nak makan". My sister gave me a look that if there was a power to it, I am a cursed stone by now.

Another example was last week when I attended my friend's housewarming party. I met J, a new acquaintance and I was introduced to his girlfriend. Assuming that she's the girl who F (my friend) used to tell me, I tried to use that as a way of starting a friendly conversation with her.
Me : Dulu sekolah x ye?
Her : *looks puzzled" Hah? Taklah.
Me : Oh, dulu F ada cakap you sek situ? Eh nama you apa again?
Her : N.
Me : *why does she have a different name?* Oh. takpelah, silap dengar kot masa F ckp dulu. *then senyum2 kambing*
Her : Hurmm... (terus diam)
Later I asked F about it and she screamed! Apparently, N is J's new girlfriend. I mean, It's not totally my fault kan? Nobody told me about it.

And this last example is totally classic. Everytime I think about it, I feel like a total idiot. I was checking-in at a hotel in Seremban. The receptionist informed me that they have single beds and king-size beds and which one would I prefer. Remembering what my dad wanted, I replied politely, "Do you have queen-size beds?". I could tell the receptionist looked totally dumb-founded but she tried to urge a respond in which she said no. And so I said I'll go for the king-size bed. When I told my sister, she gave me a look which I couldn't quite comprehend. She said, "What's wrong with you? Dah ada king-size tu ambik jelah. Apesal nak bed-size yang lagi kecik?" And she burst into a terrible, condescending laughter.That's when I got it. Rasa bodohnya!

And I still feel that total embarrassment, even until now.

broke

Just when I think I am on the verge of being almost penniless for the month, that's when all sorts of desires and wants seem to surface. It has always been like this a couple of times before. Especially when the pay is out way earlier and left us government servants without anything to spend for the next 30 days or so before the next pay comes in.

I have yet my phone bill to settle which apparently rocketed beyond belief last month. And that kain batik I took a few days ago which I am yet to decide where to fork out that much amount of money to pay. Let's not forget the remaining debt of other kains which I have either bought or booked. God,I am such a big spender. Owh, and I just got myself a pair of new spectacles which means another hole burnt in my pocket. And did I tell you I also bought myself a new phone? That has got to be my most expensive purchase ever. It is sort of like a reward for myself so I am just going to shut one eye.

March is not even here. I guess I have to just sit still until 23rd March comes. And when it arrives, I know I'll be the happiest person!

in this life

Friends close to me would know how much I lurrvveee Delta Goodrem. Love is not even apt to describe my adornment towards her.

Because of her, I've made them went up the wall for singing her songs far too many times a day. Because of her, my friends have come to accept that Delta is not so bad after all (and some actually liked her). Because of her, they actually accompanied me to see her in Big W early in the morning only to go back empty-handed because the line for autographing was way too long. Because of her, the 2008's Commonwealth Games was the best just because she sang the game's song (and the song was stuck in our heads for God knows how long!). Because of her, I received her latest CD and her autobiography book for my birthday 2 years back. Because Delta is not a household name in Malaysia or even in America, not many are aware of her existence. Even if some do, it's probably because she's married to Brian McFadden (the ex-member of Westlife).

So when my colleague played Delta's video In This Life on her Blackberry yesterday, I was so shocked to know that she actually knows her! And that just brought back the memories. So, to Nisa, Syada, Durra, Ana, Jaime, Fatin and Fariza (and others who had to put up with my capricious admiration of Delta), this video is for you. Come on admit it, you guys like her too right hehe And I know you love this song as much as I do.

You give me love,
You give me light,
You show me everything
That's been happening,
I've opened up my eyes,
I'm following three steps fight an honest fight,
Two hearts that can start a fire,
One love is all I need in this life.

Dung Dung Cheng

I don't realize how much I love the Lion Dance until yesterday. I felt really down when I didnt even get a glimpse of the show in The Curve because of the sea of people, crowding the small area. Plus, I am not that tall so I was really at a disadvantage.

I have always loved the Lion Dance or the Dung Dung Cheng as I would like to call it. Chinese New Year is always being looked forward to for this particular reason. Watching it being performed is such a joy-rising experience. It gives me goosebumps and I love the sounds too. In fact, for the past 5 years, I've never missed watching it live - either at a hotel or shopping malls. If you see me in a crowd, you'd notice how excited I look, it's like I'm seeing it for the very first time. Tourists pun tak jakun macam saya.

I don't know when exactly I start liking the Lion Dance. As a toddler , just the sound of the Lion Dance is sufficient to make me cry for long hours. My mom said I have a faint heart. So they got worried everytime it's Chinese New Year because back then, our Chinese neighbours down the road would always hire the Lion Dance group to perform. So you figure out yourselves how hard a time I gave them. They had to put up with my cries and pleas to get away from the "bunyi dung dung cheng".

Because I was so mortified with the Lion Dance, it has always been used as a threat to make me behave or listen to my parents. Hehe Finish up your meal or dung dung cheng will come and get you. You do that one more time, I swear I will get the dung dung cheng. And it worked everytime.

But that was all in the past. Now, if they were to use that to pose a threat, I say, "Bring 'em on! I can't wait to see the Dung Dung Cheng!" :)

lost it

This time, I really lost it. I surprised myself with how I actually reacted and that outburst yesterday wasn't something that I am proud of. They just couldn't be bothered. My existence is unacknowledged. They have other things which are far more important than at least trying to learn English.

I could have controlled myself, but apparently I couldn't. I was literally shaking and the next thing I know out came string of words which I wished I hadn't uttered. But like I said, they couldn't be bothered. I pity them. I even said they're pathetic. Do I wish I didn't say those words too? I don't know. Partly yes but partly I felt guilty.

I don't know. They're extremely a difficult bunch. And a violent one too. I tried but I can't seem to succeed. I need to remind myself why I volunteered to take them again this year, despite a terrible time they gave me last year.

he ties the knot

(muka pengapit agak masam di situ sbb kami panas haha)

Congratulations Along (bro-in-law-to-be) and wife (Kak Tasha)! It was indeed a beautiful wedding. May the both of you have a prosperous and happy marriage.

let's chase time

I think I am going to love February. Reasons being :

1. Because it has lesser days in a month, time flies really fast.
2. Not to mention February has a few occasions which means holiday it is! (Chinese New Year, Maulidur Rasul, Cuti Peristiwa Hari Sukan)
3. Also, a few weddings to attend which means a gathering with schoolmates.
4. Oh, and I have to go out of school for numerous meetings which means lesser days of attending school haha (I know I shouldn't be too happy about it but I can't help it, really)

It is going to be stressful in school, with our Sport's Day coming up - which means days of not being able to punch your card because the office is already closed by the time you finish Sukantara, house practice and marching practice. In other words, reaching home later than your father who normally reaches home at 6pm. Let's not forget that I leave the house the earliest. But it's all okay because I am more determined this year. I want to make up for last year's mistake and ensure that Green House win big! This way too, I think I will lose track of days passed and the next thing I know it's the end of February!

And when that happens, Helllooo March!