Blissful

"The whole point of the week is the weekend"

My weekend kickstarted early. I was already on holiday since Thursday *yeayy!*

I can never begin to express how grateful I am for this long Chinese New Year break. It's the break that I have been looking forward to just because I can spend time with my little family in our occasional boredom activity hehe

We had no plans for a quick getaway either as we decided to just laze around and carpe diem. 

It's time like these that we have the time to really really spend in quality with our kids, without disruption and no obligations. 

It's time like these that snuggling in bed in the morning has never been better and that taking a shower can wait.

It's time like these that doing nothing is actually something, when you have your loved ones around you.

And it's time like these that is most crucial to remind you that yes, indeed, you are lucky to have such a priceless gift of all, a FAMILY.

Blissful :)

Babywearing

When I first decided that I would babywear my second baby, I never would have imagined that I would marvel at its convenience and the fact that wearing my baby gives me that sense of confidence.

I started off with a wrap when Adeena was a newborn but I thought it was quite a lot of work; wrapping and getting ready took a lot of my time. 

When she was older, I got myself a ring sling, which was okay to wear. After awhile, my shoulder hurt and Adeena was getting heavier. Ring sling wasn't such a good idea anymore. 

Finally, I got myself a soft-structured carrier (SSC) when Adeena was bigger, her back was stronger and she can tilt her own head. Looking and browsing for the perfect SSC was, to me, like a kid having to choose his favourite candy in a candy store. There were just so so much to choose from. Every single one just caught my eye that I couldn't settle for one perfect one.

After much deliberation and discussion with le hubby, we purchased one from Boba.

The best purchase ever.

I look forward to wear my baby everytime we go out. No hassle of assembling another stroller and outing is such a breeze and just so fun. I have my baby close to me, close enough to read her cues, attuned to her movements, facial expression and gestures. And getting her to go to sleep is so easy. 

I can be close to my girl, and still attend to my boy with babywearing. Sibling care is easier!

Babywearing is such a great bonding tool not just for me, but for my husband too. I like it when he wears our girl (too bad no picture here haha). It is so apparent that the two are forging a strong attachment. Just melts my heart.

Of course, babywearing is a skill. There is indeed a learning curve with babywearing and one that I am still adjusting and acquiring. I am itchy to get myself another one but so far, I haven't gotten the green light. Yet. Haha

I can say that I am now a babywearer. I truly support this natural and universal way of handling your baby because of its many benefits, alongside with its relation to attachment parenting.

I would really promote babywearing if you are expecting another one because it is so much easier to start with a newborn rather than your running toddler. They are not used to being confined. At least Luqman is. We tried wearing him and only succeeded once. He didn't like it. So, carrying Adeena and getting her used to being worn has never been better. Of course, do your research first, read, ask around to get more information on babywearing and not just jump into the bandwagon of babywearing by getting unnecessary commercial baby carriers that might not be of good value to you and especially the baby. 

pain, pain go away

I haven't been sick for quite sometime, so when I was down with a major MAJOR dental pain, I was helpless. It was so terrible that everytime the pain jabs, I can only cry. And that's a lot of tears wasted.

It all started on Sunday when I woke up with an uncomfortable feeling of the gum. And then almost immediately it started to swell and I could feel that my temperature increased alongside with the pain. I thought it was just panas dalam and didn't give it much of a thought. I drank so much fluid I became bloated you have no idea. I still gorge down solid although I had to cringe everytime food enters my mouth and down my throat.

Then I started to look funny. My right side of the face swelled big time, right until my neck, just above the throat. Swallowing becomes a terrible chore and I could't open my mouth without wasting anymore tears. That night, after Maghrib off we rushed to the clinic.

I was fighting back pain while waiting for my turn. I couldn't even entertain Luqman properly as I was totally weak. The pain was just unbearable. When we went in, I tried so hard to open my mouth wide enough for the doctor to torch the inside of my mouth but to no avail. After the second try, I gave up. I just couldn't. 

Apparently, it wasn't ulcer as I had assumed. Rupanya gigi geraham bongsu nak tumbuh! Apparently it takes 11 years later to finally say hi. People say it will come out when you're 18 tops. I don't know about that. No wonder it was so painful!

It was downright painful. Made me realised and be grateful for His nikmat. Tarik sikit nikmat sihat, tak boleh makan, perit sangat rasanya.

So I have been on leave until today. Went to the dentist earlier to do my check-up and she said my gum suffered terrible swelling but it is normal. I just need to rinse well and survive on semisolid for now. The pain is subsiding and I am starting to look normal already haha Hoping that I will recuperate soon. So many events this weekend that I just can't miss the food galore!

lovely tiffany blue

They say, you shouldn't prolong good things, especially when it is a step closer towards building the masjid.

Another close friend of mine decided to take such heed but with such short notice (very very!) that all of us were taken aback with her getting engaged announcement. We first had to endure the shock wave when she, out of the blue, mentioned that she's getting engaged but not until it's March. Then, her whatsapp message came in a few days later which I think made all of us screamed virtually (and live) that read : It's happening next Sunday.

Like what? Haha The first thing that I blurted was "I don't even have an outfit to wear!" Only then did I congratulate her and the bridezilla mode was on for everyone.

Anyway, like most engagements, hers was simply mesmerising, beautiful and all sweet. 

She looked most beautiful that day - not just because of her being all dolled up - but it's that joy and happiness that's written all over her face that were most apparent.

I am just so happy for you, Farhana. The time has finally arrived. 

Wished everyone was there to be with you. InsyaAllah, we are all looking forward to your big day this year!

Another one officially off the market :)

letting go

I have every reason to look forward to this year; Adeena turning one, Luqman turning three, my marriage gets a year older, the prospect of investing, and this one ultimate thing which clings to me like a shadow - weaning off Luqman.

If that phrase doesn't sadden me enough, I don't know what is. 

Weaning is a long good-bye - bittersweet and freeing at the same time. I have not yet decided when to start weaning him off fully, but I know sooner or later this has to take place. I told myself that 29 months would be the maximum, but who knows the time might be prolonged if both of us want to. 

Truth be told, I am not at all ready. In other words, I don't have the heart. I know I have complained of how tiresome it can be, how I feel like I haven't been focusing on Adeena enough, or how I feel upset when I have to attend to Luqman's cries in the middle of the night when I should be directing my attention to nursing his sister instead and some other things that my husband has to listen to occasionally - the thing is this; at the end of the day, I don't mind at all having him nursed. Because I know, the times when he would just nibble and not really drinking, he is actually finding comfort in me. The intimate bond is just so warming and unexplainable that at times I am starting to think that weaning him off is not a good idea haha

But of course, on days when he is just being so testing, I just can't wait to withhold my breasts. Speaking of which, I have tried twice that the aftermath was simply a traumatic one for both of us. 

In all honesty, this is going to take some time and lots and lots of patience. Talking to friends and family members about ending this breastfeeding relationship, at times, is pretty upsetting but you gotta do what a mother's gotta do. I pray hard that when we would finally do this, we would ace it, especially bedtime feeding because this is usually the hardest.

As for now, I think the time has not yet come for me to do so. I am struggling emotionally, no doubt, and I hope that Allah SWT will guide me all the way. That I will be strong enough to face this and patient enough to be consistent in achieving my goal.

To Luqman, my baby, thank you for giving me the chance to nurse you up till today (who would have thought alhamdulillah!), of course with His love and mercy. The generous milk supply that He has given me to be able to nurse both you and your sister, for that I am forever grateful subhanallah!

Thank you for being my number one natural pumper! 

Let's hope that this amazing journey will end beautifully, insyaAllah.

*sobsob*

The first post

The new year, so far, has been nice to me on various aspects. Still, it is very early to tell, since it is only the 11th day. However, I have a feeling it is going to be awesome, if not better. 

I have some personal resolutions that I'd rather keep them to myself and ones that I am praying really hard that, if not truly achieved, will at least be almost attained. I am more concerned with the journey towards my goal, and I suppose that is what really counts.

InsyaAllah, may everything be eased!

On another note, now that I have got myself a new desktop and a comfortable workplace set-up, I am hoping that I would be able to update more often here. Hopefully, my writing skills are not left rustic and I am not too tired to begin with.

Have a great year everyone!

Towards the end

In a just a few days, the new year is approaching. So much has happened that I am still catching my breath to seize the moment, and then I am awakened by the reality that the year is coming to a close.

Time does fly. Fast.

I have been meaning to write here, but more often than not, it is either I was too tired or I just couldn't find the time. Being a SAHM this school holiday took most of my time that when I do have one, I'd rather rest myself.

My firstborn turned two yesterday. It is still a little hard to digest that it was two years ago when we first held him in our arms, new parents awkwardly venturing into parenthood. I guess watching him grow right before our eyes makes us forget about time because we'd freeze the moment if we could. Kids grow really fast, they do. If I were to summarize or pack his two years of life, I don't think the Titanic would be able to contain the memories. Too many bittersweet moments that made us parents and ones that changed our perspectives 360degrees. 

Having a kid definitely turn your world upside down; they bring the best and worst out of you. And with Luqman, I've had my fair share of a rollercoaster ride, a whirlwind of emotions, and the bitter taste of decision-making. 

Anyway, all those things aside, I am a proud mum. Of two. Who would have thought, ey?

I have learnt that mistakes are to be made so that we can learn from them. And parenthood offers you that, so much so that when the second child comes along, you'd think you know certain things, but no, no child is the same. And so, you keep on learning and learning, make some more mistakes (but more cautious this time around) until you become that person who sort of embrace every difficulty and challenge with an open arms and with minimal grunts possible. If you overcome all that, it is the best feeling ever. The joys of parenthood, they say. 

With just a few more days to 2014, I haven't thought of any resolutions. If I do, it would definitely to be better. In everything. It is easy to say, and so pleasing to the ears - to be better - but a pledge that requires a whole lot of effort from within.

InsyaAllah, may everything be ease! Have a great remaining year everyone :)

Masters Degree

I was happily whatsapping with my girlfriends the other day until the serious topic of furthering our studies came up. Some of us already have their Masters, some are pursuing, one just got her offer and we were informed that one of our friends is already a PhD holder!

I realised that most of us do have that good intention to do so but I guess we  don't have enough determination to proceed. More often than not, family is now our priority. Even our current job falls to number two. No denying. Besides, school work is already taking most of our time that to continue studying at the same time seems too impossible. 

Of course, one of us pointed out that our niat (intention) is important, too. It determines everything. In all honesty, my pursuing my Masters would be solely for the purpose of personal achievement and satisfaction. And then I would be thinking of the opportunity that might knock on my door if I already have that other scroll.

I know I have talked about this before and it will be something that will always pop up in my head, in my life plan jerking its head as if wanting me to pay attention to it and take action. Until then, it will not leave. 

So we all discussed, asked those who are already on their track, etc and as it turns out, I have most of the criteria needed to apply! We are talking about HLP here (Hadiah Latihan Persekutuan) and Cuti Belajar Bergaji Penuh Tanpa Biasiswa. How come I was so ignorant! It was indeed a heated and informative discussion and it left me feeling so excited and determined!

But of course, this needs proper planning and discussion with le hubby. My family still tops the list and I have to admit, everytime I look at my kids, my heart dropped a little and instantly I am swamped with worries and the what-ifs. 

This time around, I told my husband that I HAVE to make this work. I just have to. InsyaAllah! After all, when there is a will, there is always ALWAYS a way. Gosh, now I am all excited again!

Then, one of our friends' response actually got me laughing and feeling proud. I think all of us felt the same way. It was :

"Hurmm, I think I will just stick to my Masters la. Masters in Child Care and Home Management!"

LOL! How true! Now that is automatically earned once you're a mom and that is absolutely more worth it, don't you think? :)

Happy 7 months

I remember the day my daughter was brought into the world. When the nurse gave her to me fresh out of the womb for our first skin-to-skin interaction, I took a peek at her thought to myself how she bore the resemblance to his brother. But I knew, she would be different and special in her own graceful way.

And yes indeed she is.

Soraya Adeena, from her early days, wasn't that difficult to take care of. For the most part, she was 'quieter' than his brother used to be and such a soft baby where her cries and coos are concerned. It was difficult not to fall in love with her, despite her small frame and light weight. When we were admitted due to her increased reading of jaundice, I swear it was the toughest 3 days I had to endure but it was the most beautiful moment spent as she was with me 24/7. I could feel the bond was so strong that throughout the days we were warded, she was all I could think of.

As a mother, I think the connection with my daughter is just amazing. I don't quite know how to express it but subhanallah, it is beautiful. When we looked into each other's eyes, I know she is telling me that 'Ummi, I need you and I love you". I just knew it. Her body gestures, her smiles, her chuckles are so bewitching! And the times when she would move slowly towards me in her sleep, put her cute little fingers on my arm as if reassuring me that 'Ummi, I am here don't you worry'. And how she would start her little whines as a sign she wants to be fed. MashaAllah, such are Allah's amazing gifts!

I could go on and on about my precious daughter but obviously I won't because they might not be of interest to some of you (hehe). And I, by no means are showing off as these are written out of love and for the sole purpose of sharing. 

What I am trying to get at is that, 7 months have passed from her being a helpless little infant to a perfect, healthy, beautiful baby who is progressing very well mashaAllah! Everyday is a discovery and I look forward to each achievement with so much eagerness.

Soraya Adeena, happy 7 months baby girl! Ummi and ayah and abang Luqman love you so much you have no idea. Thanks for making me a mum and thanks for changing my perspective and being. And thanks for letting me know that love knows no boundaries and sacrifice is my utmost priority. 

 

May you continue to grow a good muslimah herein and hereafter and a star that shines everyone's lives in goodness insyaAllah!

Doa Ummi tak pernah putus untuk Adeena and Luqman :)

 

Story of the heart

The past few weeks have been quite tough on me, emotionally. 

First, I had to endure the 5-day separation from my loved ones to attend a course. I still remember how empty and horrible it felt sleeping and waking up without them around. It almost brought me to tears having not to smell the familiar scent that I used to breathe-in. Luckily, the packed schedule helped me to fight back tears. The happening and friendly bunch of people there made me forget about home for a while and they were the reason I actually enjoyed my course.

Then on the day I returned home, my husband was already away for his Treasure Hunt activity which meant we missed seeing each other. He also spent the night at Gambang and only returned home the next day. Not having to see him for a week was quite sad and I was so emotional that I didn't get to seem him for another 2 days extended. Of course I had all the reasons to be so emotional. It's like my other wing was broken and I lost all spirit. 

The day after, he was scheduled for his work trip out of the country for 5 days more and I was totally under the weather. My heart cringed and I was fighting back tears. I didn't mind him going for outstation but not being able to see him back-to-back?? I've never had to deal with such long separation before so yes, it was too much for me to swallow.

I still struggled after all this time without my husband around. I have to admit, my kids tend to act out too whenever ayah is not around. And every fibre of my being was tested. I cried, maybe, a few times. But I chinned up and wiped it off because I know Allah loves me. He won't endow me something that I can't handle and I know He is building me to be stronger.

Throughout my husband's absence, I did a lot of reflection. I spent many nights alone, thinking and pondering about the things that I have done, about the kids, my marriage. I cried. I cried and I cried. And boy, I felt so relieved. (You see, when your spouse isn't with you the melancholic feeling tend to empower so everyday rasa nak feeling feeling)

From the way I see it, having to deal with the struggles, the separation and what not are Allah's show of love, subhanallah. Without struggles, I won't be strong. Without problems, I won't be smart. Without my kids testing my patience, I wouldn't know love. And Allah keeps on giving me even without me asking. Throughout those few weeks of being a single parent, too, our rezeki has been nothing short of generous. Despite the little hardships, I realised Allah has eased so many for me and my family that without his mercy, I wouldn't even want to think of how we'd survive. 

I remember greeting my husband at the door when he came back from his work trip that day feeling truly emotional. What initially was a negative rebellious kind of emotional feeling, it blossomed into something nicer. Beautiful even. Alhamdulillah syukur.

Sometimes, nikmat Allah dirasai dan disedari bila kita dalam kekurangan. And yes, absence does makes the heart grows fonder :)