letting go

I have every reason to look forward to this year; Adeena turning one, Luqman turning three, my marriage gets a year older, the prospect of investing, and this one ultimate thing which clings to me like a shadow - weaning off Luqman.

If that phrase doesn't sadden me enough, I don't know what is. 

Weaning is a long good-bye - bittersweet and freeing at the same time. I have not yet decided when to start weaning him off fully, but I know sooner or later this has to take place. I told myself that 29 months would be the maximum, but who knows the time might be prolonged if both of us want to. 

Truth be told, I am not at all ready. In other words, I don't have the heart. I know I have complained of how tiresome it can be, how I feel like I haven't been focusing on Adeena enough, or how I feel upset when I have to attend to Luqman's cries in the middle of the night when I should be directing my attention to nursing his sister instead and some other things that my husband has to listen to occasionally - the thing is this; at the end of the day, I don't mind at all having him nursed. Because I know, the times when he would just nibble and not really drinking, he is actually finding comfort in me. The intimate bond is just so warming and unexplainable that at times I am starting to think that weaning him off is not a good idea haha

But of course, on days when he is just being so testing, I just can't wait to withhold my breasts. Speaking of which, I have tried twice that the aftermath was simply a traumatic one for both of us. 




In all honesty, this is going to take some time and lots and lots of patience. Talking to friends and family members about ending this breastfeeding relationship, at times, is pretty upsetting but you gotta do what a mother's gotta do. I pray hard that when we would finally do this, we would ace it, especially bedtime feeding because this is usually the hardest.

As for now, I think the time has not yet come for me to do so. I am struggling emotionally, no doubt, and I hope that Allah SWT will guide me all the way. That I will be strong enough to face this and patient enough to be consistent in achieving my goal.

To Luqman, my baby, thank you for giving me the chance to nurse you up till today (who would have thought alhamdulillah!), of course with His love and mercy. The generous milk supply that He has given me to be able to nurse both you and your sister, for that I am forever grateful subhanallah!

Thank you for being my number one natural pumper! 

Let's hope that this amazing journey will end beautifully, insyaAllah.



*sobsob*

2 Replies:

Mommy Brella January 17, 2014 at 11:16 AM  

ayoyo..sedihnya tasha.
macam mana nak wean off??
kesian kat anak tp like u said, let's end it beautifully...
all the best dear!

me January 17, 2014 at 4:27 PM  

It is indeed Dayah. Everytime nak start mesti I yang give in ckp takpelah next time. Then next time ckp camtu gak haha

InsyaAllah, pray for us so that we can go through this. :)


The Writer

The Writer
I am a wife, a mother, and a teacher by profession. At times a pessimist and one who is easily amused. I find comfort once entering the threshold of my bedroom. I write because I want to and it makes me feel good :)