postpartum weight

Every woman who delivered would have at least one common thing in mind; to shed their pregnancy weight pronto. Me, included. 

I remember putting on so much weight during my first pregnancy that I actually worried about not getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  But I guess I am among those who don't seem to have problem with that (much to my surprise). I have to thank the corset that I wore and breastfeeding of course, for letting me get back to my ideal weight. 

However, it took me awhile to shed those fat. Face it, we put on weight for a duration of nine months prior and it's not going away overnight, isn't it? Plus, as a first-time mum, we need to recover from childbirth that losing weight immediately isn't such a good idea. I didn't go on a fad diet (I didn't even have time to even think of dieting). Like I mentioned, breastfeeding really helps in shedding my weight. 

Then, the second baby came along. I was quite confident that I would eventually get back in shape, in which I did. The corset and breastfeeding were  (again) my plan. No dieting, no exercising. I continued to eat healthy and watched what I consumed in order to be energetic and be the best milk supplier to my babies. In fact, I had enough on my plate to constantly be active. Handling a toddler and a newborn is definitely an exercise of the physical, emotional and mental. 

And, the pregnancy weight just went off like that. Now, no pregnancy pooch, no wriggly thighs and arms. In fact, I am very much surprised at how 'normal' my postpartum body looks. No stretch marks, too, if I may add. 

Before you mums start to roll your eyes and babble on what a show-off I am, let me just clarify one thing. The fact that I lose so much weight this time around makes me concerned a little bit. I didn't realise that I am way lighter than my pre-pregnancy (and even pre-marriage) weight until more than 5 people actually commented of how skinny I looked. Yes, skinny. And to me, that word was enough to make me alarmed and I went on the scale for the first time in months and got myself a surprise. The number that appeared was the lightest that I have ever been in my entire adult life!

While some people might rejoice with such weight, I didn't. I became so concerned that I actually thought I might be sick. I was very much affected. My BMI showed that I am underweight. The fact that more and more people kept on commenting on how thin I have become didn't help at all. 

The thing is this; it is definitely out of my control and beyond my expectation that I would finally come to such physical state. When asked, the only reply I would repeatedly give is breastfeeding. And that is totally it. Exhaustion? Yes, maybe. But no, I do not go on a crash diet. And it hurts when some actually gave such remarks. I was down for a couple of weeks and meeting people became a forced thing. I was worried and embarrassed that people would comment on how I look. 

But fret not. I regained my confidence and I am now taking a positive outlook on things. For one, I should be more than grateful that I am actually healthy and my weight is one that others are silently wishing for. Second, I am still active, running here and there. Third, I don't have to worry about dieting and I can stuff my mouth with whatever I feel like eating (of course taking into account the healthy meals). And of course, last but not least, I know myself and my body better so any negative remarks will be flushed out. 

Yes, I admit I do look thinner but I am not scrawny and frail-looking. My husband has a nice and funny way of putting it; budak gemuk yang kurus. 

For now, I am trying to put on a few kilos to get into the ideal weight group. Other than that, I am just one thin, happy mama :)

Luqman's allergy test

A few weeks back, my husband and I were alarmed by those red blotches that suddenly appeared on Luqman's skin. Having never to deal with such situation before, I, for the most part, was scared to death. To me, those blotches were just terrible and from the way Luqman's been scratching the spots, I can only imagine the itchiness felt. 

We didn't go to the clinic immediately. We took off his pyjamas, bathed him in cold water, patted him to dry and applied some virgin coconut oil all over his body before putting on his pyjamas back. The redness subsided within 30 minutes but from our monitoring that night, those blotches seemed to appear at some other spots on his skin. We had to be on the lookout throughout the night just so Luqman doesn't scratch himself. The next morning, his skin was clear, much to our relief. However, within the next few days, the redness came and went, but it wasn't as severe.

We were just clueless. It wasn't his eczema attacking because the symptoms weren't so. As much as I hate to admit it, I voiced it to my husband, that Luqman's skin is probably reacting due to some allergies. We did bring him to the clinic and showed the doctor the pictures we took of the redness (because there weren't any on his skin at that time), and both doctors confirmed that it is due to allergic. 

ALLERGIC. One word enough to make my heart dropped. Dealing with his eczema is already challenging enough, and now this? My husband was more positive on his outlook by saying that it is probably not that bad.

 So after our visit to his paediatrician, we decided to end the teka-teki and booked an appointment for a skin prick test to determine his allergy. Luckily for us, Luqman's paed is also an allergy expert who does research in that field. He was the one who suggested for Luqman to take the test.

So last Wednesday was the day.

I was all ready but at the same time nervous. Luqman was being his usual active self but I knew things will change once we are in the room. And I was right. At the call of our number and upon entering the paed's room, Luqman actually stopped and said no. To him, entering that room meant a 'gift' is on the way. Little did he know, he will be getting 16 pricks that day *tsskk!*

My husband carried him inside and he held onto him like it's his life he's holding on to. He refused to look at the doctor at all and as a mother, it was enough to shatter my emotion. 

 When we took of his shirt, his mouth started to shiver and his grip got stronger. 

Anyway, a little bit about this prick test. It is a test where 16 allergens will be applied on the back of the body. Prior to this test, no medicine especially flu and cough syrup to be consumed so as to validate the test. Once the allergens are applied, each one will be pricked so that the allergens can react to the body. Which ever allergens showed redness and the skin is elevated, that means one is allergic to that allergen. 

The back of Luqman was numbered so that the allergens will be easily identified. He didn't let go of his grip throughout the time.

I mean, who wouldn't right? His cries were just heart wrenching but they stopped once the doctor was done with the test. I have to say, our Luqman is one strong boy. He aced it even if his cries were just a show haha I guess it's the fear of having someone taking charge, not so much of the pain.

We had to wait for about 20 minutes after that to see the results. My heart drummed so loud I could literally feel my chest thumping. When the time finally arrived, as expected, Luqman refused to go into the room again haha This time, it was me he clanged onto. 

When the paed took a look at his back, he confirmed that yes, Luqman is indeed allergic to two things :

Who would have thought??? All these while we were pretty sure that he's allergic to dust mites.

My mind immediately transported to that time when the redness suddenly appeared. I didn't think I had consumed crab or peanut that day or the day prior that could have triggered his allergy, but such test won't lie doesn't it?

So there. Now that we know the cause, we know how to rectify the problem. Anything peanuts and coloured seafood are to be avoided by me (as long as I am still bf-ing him) and Luqman. The paed also mentioned that these allergens might have triggered his eczema, too. But because Luqman has sensitive skin, a minor bite can cause a terrible swelling and redness; papular urticaria (I have talked about his type of eczema before). However, his allergy is nothing too serious. Just a mild one but it is worth taken care of so as not to land him in a worse condition. We were also advised to do this test annually up until he is 6 years old just to check whether or not his allergy gets better or worse. 

For now, everything seems to be good. But the scorching hot weather these days kinda takes a toll on his skin. The heat causes him to sweat, and the sweat causes itchiness on certain parts of his skin that in turn makes him scratch and the end result is redness. Poor boy. We have to constantly apply moisturiser to lock the moisture on his skin so that the dryness can be avoided.

To those of you who think that your kid might be allergic or is constantly sick, down with flu and what not, I'd suggest you take this skin prick test. Your kid might be allergic to something. Even if he is not, there's nothing to lose if the test comes out negative. At least, you have one thing to be relieved about.

Of tests and rewards

It saddens me to know that most of my friends' kids are down with sickness - it's the season, they say. I certainly understand the despair felt, the constant worry that lingers, and that hopeful feeling everyday wishing they would recover immediately.

As the mother, one has to be in strong and good spirit to make sure that her kid(s) are doing okay at the same time getting all the support she needs from her other half. However, at times, the strength needs to be doubled and sometimes tripled when her husband is sick himself. Been there, done that. It was definitely a testing phase for me, having to care for my sick child and also attend to my husband who was down with fever at the same time. And I was during my confinement period, to add to that. I was, indeed in the brink of breaking. If it wasn't for my strength and Allah's mercy, I would have lost my sanity.

What I have learnt is that, just when you thought you don't have anyone around you to lean on, to have their support, we forget that Allah is always with us. He tests us because He wants us to rely on Him, and trust Him that he will make everything okay. 

And I also learnt that He is the best companion in times we need a shoulder to cry on, because in the end He is the one that we will eventually turn to. He doesn't judge and our pouring is best kept secret. 

Whenever I feel like everything is just too much too handle, when things are just too overwhelming, I instantly know that He is watching and He is actually assessing my reaction. This helps me to regain my composure and contain my feelings so as not to act compulsively which in turn will make me weep in regret.

Having small kids, is no doubt the best test of all. And they are our best teacher,  teaching us values and pushing us to give our best and be the best not just to their eyes, but also His.

I pray that all of us mums, will be granted that patience needed, the strength to carry on our amanah dutifully and always be the best that we can. 

Do it for our kids and do it for Him, insyaAllah.

Hang in there, friends because indeed, we are all on the road to collecting Jannah points and rewards, insyaAllah!

Blissful

"The whole point of the week is the weekend"

My weekend kickstarted early. I was already on holiday since Thursday *yeayy!*

I can never begin to express how grateful I am for this long Chinese New Year break. It's the break that I have been looking forward to just because I can spend time with my little family in our occasional boredom activity hehe

We had no plans for a quick getaway either as we decided to just laze around and carpe diem. 

It's time like these that we have the time to really really spend in quality with our kids, without disruption and no obligations. 

It's time like these that snuggling in bed in the morning has never been better and that taking a shower can wait.

It's time like these that doing nothing is actually something, when you have your loved ones around you.

And it's time like these that is most crucial to remind you that yes, indeed, you are lucky to have such a priceless gift of all, a FAMILY.

Blissful :)

Babywearing

When I first decided that I would babywear my second baby, I never would have imagined that I would marvel at its convenience and the fact that wearing my baby gives me that sense of confidence.

I started off with a wrap when Adeena was a newborn but I thought it was quite a lot of work; wrapping and getting ready took a lot of my time. 

When she was older, I got myself a ring sling, which was okay to wear. After awhile, my shoulder hurt and Adeena was getting heavier. Ring sling wasn't such a good idea anymore. 

Finally, I got myself a soft-structured carrier (SSC) when Adeena was bigger, her back was stronger and she can tilt her own head. Looking and browsing for the perfect SSC was, to me, like a kid having to choose his favourite candy in a candy store. There were just so so much to choose from. Every single one just caught my eye that I couldn't settle for one perfect one.

After much deliberation and discussion with le hubby, we purchased one from Boba.

The best purchase ever.

I look forward to wear my baby everytime we go out. No hassle of assembling another stroller and outing is such a breeze and just so fun. I have my baby close to me, close enough to read her cues, attuned to her movements, facial expression and gestures. And getting her to go to sleep is so easy. 

I can be close to my girl, and still attend to my boy with babywearing. Sibling care is easier!

Babywearing is such a great bonding tool not just for me, but for my husband too. I like it when he wears our girl (too bad no picture here haha). It is so apparent that the two are forging a strong attachment. Just melts my heart.

Of course, babywearing is a skill. There is indeed a learning curve with babywearing and one that I am still adjusting and acquiring. I am itchy to get myself another one but so far, I haven't gotten the green light. Yet. Haha

I can say that I am now a babywearer. I truly support this natural and universal way of handling your baby because of its many benefits, alongside with its relation to attachment parenting.

I would really promote babywearing if you are expecting another one because it is so much easier to start with a newborn rather than your running toddler. They are not used to being confined. At least Luqman is. We tried wearing him and only succeeded once. He didn't like it. So, carrying Adeena and getting her used to being worn has never been better. Of course, do your research first, read, ask around to get more information on babywearing and not just jump into the bandwagon of babywearing by getting unnecessary commercial baby carriers that might not be of good value to you and especially the baby. 

pain, pain go away

I haven't been sick for quite sometime, so when I was down with a major MAJOR dental pain, I was helpless. It was so terrible that everytime the pain jabs, I can only cry. And that's a lot of tears wasted.

It all started on Sunday when I woke up with an uncomfortable feeling of the gum. And then almost immediately it started to swell and I could feel that my temperature increased alongside with the pain. I thought it was just panas dalam and didn't give it much of a thought. I drank so much fluid I became bloated you have no idea. I still gorge down solid although I had to cringe everytime food enters my mouth and down my throat.

Then I started to look funny. My right side of the face swelled big time, right until my neck, just above the throat. Swallowing becomes a terrible chore and I could't open my mouth without wasting anymore tears. That night, after Maghrib off we rushed to the clinic.

I was fighting back pain while waiting for my turn. I couldn't even entertain Luqman properly as I was totally weak. The pain was just unbearable. When we went in, I tried so hard to open my mouth wide enough for the doctor to torch the inside of my mouth but to no avail. After the second try, I gave up. I just couldn't. 

Apparently, it wasn't ulcer as I had assumed. Rupanya gigi geraham bongsu nak tumbuh! Apparently it takes 11 years later to finally say hi. People say it will come out when you're 18 tops. I don't know about that. No wonder it was so painful!

It was downright painful. Made me realised and be grateful for His nikmat. Tarik sikit nikmat sihat, tak boleh makan, perit sangat rasanya.

So I have been on leave until today. Went to the dentist earlier to do my check-up and she said my gum suffered terrible swelling but it is normal. I just need to rinse well and survive on semisolid for now. The pain is subsiding and I am starting to look normal already haha Hoping that I will recuperate soon. So many events this weekend that I just can't miss the food galore!

lovely tiffany blue

They say, you shouldn't prolong good things, especially when it is a step closer towards building the masjid.

Another close friend of mine decided to take such heed but with such short notice (very very!) that all of us were taken aback with her getting engaged announcement. We first had to endure the shock wave when she, out of the blue, mentioned that she's getting engaged but not until it's March. Then, her whatsapp message came in a few days later which I think made all of us screamed virtually (and live) that read : It's happening next Sunday.

Like what? Haha The first thing that I blurted was "I don't even have an outfit to wear!" Only then did I congratulate her and the bridezilla mode was on for everyone.

Anyway, like most engagements, hers was simply mesmerising, beautiful and all sweet. 

She looked most beautiful that day - not just because of her being all dolled up - but it's that joy and happiness that's written all over her face that were most apparent.

I am just so happy for you, Farhana. The time has finally arrived. 

Wished everyone was there to be with you. InsyaAllah, we are all looking forward to your big day this year!

Another one officially off the market :)

letting go

I have every reason to look forward to this year; Adeena turning one, Luqman turning three, my marriage gets a year older, the prospect of investing, and this one ultimate thing which clings to me like a shadow - weaning off Luqman.

If that phrase doesn't sadden me enough, I don't know what is. 

Weaning is a long good-bye - bittersweet and freeing at the same time. I have not yet decided when to start weaning him off fully, but I know sooner or later this has to take place. I told myself that 29 months would be the maximum, but who knows the time might be prolonged if both of us want to. 

Truth be told, I am not at all ready. In other words, I don't have the heart. I know I have complained of how tiresome it can be, how I feel like I haven't been focusing on Adeena enough, or how I feel upset when I have to attend to Luqman's cries in the middle of the night when I should be directing my attention to nursing his sister instead and some other things that my husband has to listen to occasionally - the thing is this; at the end of the day, I don't mind at all having him nursed. Because I know, the times when he would just nibble and not really drinking, he is actually finding comfort in me. The intimate bond is just so warming and unexplainable that at times I am starting to think that weaning him off is not a good idea haha

But of course, on days when he is just being so testing, I just can't wait to withhold my breasts. Speaking of which, I have tried twice that the aftermath was simply a traumatic one for both of us. 

In all honesty, this is going to take some time and lots and lots of patience. Talking to friends and family members about ending this breastfeeding relationship, at times, is pretty upsetting but you gotta do what a mother's gotta do. I pray hard that when we would finally do this, we would ace it, especially bedtime feeding because this is usually the hardest.

As for now, I think the time has not yet come for me to do so. I am struggling emotionally, no doubt, and I hope that Allah SWT will guide me all the way. That I will be strong enough to face this and patient enough to be consistent in achieving my goal.

To Luqman, my baby, thank you for giving me the chance to nurse you up till today (who would have thought alhamdulillah!), of course with His love and mercy. The generous milk supply that He has given me to be able to nurse both you and your sister, for that I am forever grateful subhanallah!

Thank you for being my number one natural pumper! 

Let's hope that this amazing journey will end beautifully, insyaAllah.

*sobsob*

The first post

The new year, so far, has been nice to me on various aspects. Still, it is very early to tell, since it is only the 11th day. However, I have a feeling it is going to be awesome, if not better. 

I have some personal resolutions that I'd rather keep them to myself and ones that I am praying really hard that, if not truly achieved, will at least be almost attained. I am more concerned with the journey towards my goal, and I suppose that is what really counts.

InsyaAllah, may everything be eased!

On another note, now that I have got myself a new desktop and a comfortable workplace set-up, I am hoping that I would be able to update more often here. Hopefully, my writing skills are not left rustic and I am not too tired to begin with.

Have a great year everyone!

Towards the end

In a just a few days, the new year is approaching. So much has happened that I am still catching my breath to seize the moment, and then I am awakened by the reality that the year is coming to a close.

Time does fly. Fast.

I have been meaning to write here, but more often than not, it is either I was too tired or I just couldn't find the time. Being a SAHM this school holiday took most of my time that when I do have one, I'd rather rest myself.

My firstborn turned two yesterday. It is still a little hard to digest that it was two years ago when we first held him in our arms, new parents awkwardly venturing into parenthood. I guess watching him grow right before our eyes makes us forget about time because we'd freeze the moment if we could. Kids grow really fast, they do. If I were to summarize or pack his two years of life, I don't think the Titanic would be able to contain the memories. Too many bittersweet moments that made us parents and ones that changed our perspectives 360degrees. 

Having a kid definitely turn your world upside down; they bring the best and worst out of you. And with Luqman, I've had my fair share of a rollercoaster ride, a whirlwind of emotions, and the bitter taste of decision-making. 

Anyway, all those things aside, I am a proud mum. Of two. Who would have thought, ey?

I have learnt that mistakes are to be made so that we can learn from them. And parenthood offers you that, so much so that when the second child comes along, you'd think you know certain things, but no, no child is the same. And so, you keep on learning and learning, make some more mistakes (but more cautious this time around) until you become that person who sort of embrace every difficulty and challenge with an open arms and with minimal grunts possible. If you overcome all that, it is the best feeling ever. The joys of parenthood, they say. 

With just a few more days to 2014, I haven't thought of any resolutions. If I do, it would definitely to be better. In everything. It is easy to say, and so pleasing to the ears - to be better - but a pledge that requires a whole lot of effort from within.

InsyaAllah, may everything be ease! Have a great remaining year everyone :)