Going for three

We - my husband and I - have always known that we will not stop at only two kids. We already have two spaced approximately two years apart: a boy and a girl. They each have their own room in our modest three-bedroom home, and they fit perfectly in the back seat of our midsize car. To some, this  seems like a perfect picture, content with a complete family that dismantling cribs and donating baby clothes are the next step in moving ahead with their lives. 

While I don't make judgments and leave the decision to their own, I personally do not feel done having children. I can't really explain sufficiently the desire for having a third but my mind drifted to the time when my two toddlers were small; their soft tiny feet and fingers, their heavenly smell and their squeals of delights. Besides, I constantly feel that someone is missing. My husband and I would occasionally talk about what if there is another Luqman or another Adeena in the house and it seemingly looked like a good idea. 

I realized I might wonder “what if” forever if I didn’t get a move on, and since my husband and I were on the same page—I couldn’t have proceeded otherwise—we held our breath and leapt. It was such a big step we took and one that we were truly ready for (for one I have weaned off Adeena and I am ready for another 2 years of breastfeeding journey and we are prepared mentally, emotionally and financially).

Alhamdulillah, I am now 21 weeks pregnant. Interestingly, I am less tired while pregnant with my third than I had been with my second, even with more years on my body and an extra child at my side. But unlike with my second pregnancy, my kids now are more self-sufficient, and we are all sleeping better. I feel great.

I know some might say "Why would you want to start everything over again?" Well, I guess what they say is true. We tend to forget the hardest parts of pregnancy, labor and raising another being, at least enough to go through it again especially while we are still young! 

With another 4 more months to go, I am praying hard everyday that everything will be eased. Can't wait for our wonderful gift come April next year :)

Love til Jannah

Last Saturday, I attended a so called casual talk (sembang santai) by Ustazah Isfadiah Mohd Dasuki at our surau. I find the topic so simple yet the content presented by her was so profoundly crucial. It is the most basic understanding of what it means to love that brings us to Jannah. 

Below are some of the gist I managed to jot down for our own benefits insyaAllah :

1. How do we love ourselves or how do we know we really love ourselves? It's when we hate to enter hellfire. Meaning to say, whatever actions, decisions, food we choose to eat, and clothes we wear are the reflection of how much we want to enter Jannah and how we show our love towards Allah SWT. Remember, our bodies are not even ours. Our eyes, hands, health are Allah's. She gave one simple analogy: food. Do we eat to fulfil our appetite or to fulfil our bodies' needs? Yes, we might say both but we need to draw the line between eating until we're really full or just what our body needs. It's the same thing when choosing what clothes to wear; either we want to impress our creator or others.
2. How do we know that we have the right love? Or we are actually loving the right thing? It's when that particular love we have reminds us of Allah. It's that love that brings us back to Allah SWT and our Prophet Muhammad SAW. 
3. We have choices in life and please make the right choice. Do not fall prey to our nafsu, people, or syaitan. Remember, we are slaves only to Allah SWT. When we really realise that, then we will have that love which will bring us to Jannah.
4. Our mission and purpose in life has to be clear. It's when some of us who are unclear of our purpose and the reason we're brought to this world that we have all sorts of problems (social problems, to be exact). This is because we tend to be the slaves of nafsu. Pursuing temporary worldly fun for example. Zina, maksiat, and other teens social problems are evidence that we're now facing a big challenge from the younger generation. In short, they do not love themselves. So, betulkan our niat. All the things that we have now, the people that we meet, the challenges we've been through are just tools to meet Allah SWT. To nurture our love towards Allah which eventually will bring us to Jannah.
5. She reminded us to leave things or people that do not bring us closer to Allah. This is because when we love Allah, no matter what we do, we say, we choose, in the end we will find Him at the end of the spectrum. That's because we love ourselves and most importantly we love ourselves because of Allah SWT. 
6. She stressed to love our anak-anak syurga. Our kids are our ultimate amanah. Love them. Use nice words to them. For every good deed, good display of action no matter how small pray for them. Even better, pray in front of them. Let our dua be heard. They're never too young to understand. InsyaAllah they will be the ones that will lead us to Jannah.
7. "Jagalah hak Allah nescaya Allah akan jaga hak kamu". When we pray, be conscious of our deeds (good and bad), instil the values of insaf because in reality, we owe Allah so much. We owe Allah more than we pray to him 5 times a day. Look around. Think of the nikmat that He has given us all these while.

Those above were the gist of her talk. Personally, sangat-sangat terkesan with what she said. InsyaAllah, with what I shared will be of benefits to all of us. Sometimes, we need this kind of reminder to make us be on the right track again. InsyaAllah, love til Jannah :)

By the way, I also had the chance to grab her book ; 365 Tips Didik Anak Gaya Nabi 1 Hari 1 Tip. I urge every parent to have this book because the content is so easy to read and she even provides sahih hadith which are totally relatable to parenting. It will be a good read to us all, insyaAllah.

Coming home

Finally, Allah has answered our prayers. Finally, it's time for that long awaited hijrah back home. Alhamdulillah, my brother is granted his transfer back to Klang. It was such a red letter day when the results were out. All of us were just so thankful and relieved. I remember smiling ear to ear when I read his message and letting out a huge sigh of relief. I guess it's time. The best thing comes to those who wait and patient enough, alhamdulillah. 

It wasn't easy to part, I know. 5 years settling down at a place he almost called home has 1001 memories that are priceless. His kids were the most devastated, I would say. I know how much they love him, just as much as he does the same. He is so good with them, such an awesome educator, warden, and a friend. 

But, undoubtedly, this hijrah is equally important. It is a start of a new beginning. 

It's now time to soar here in our hometown. It's time to show 'em what you got. And it's time to be the very best that you can be.

Welcome home, brother.

Our "me time"

We've heard too often about "me time". The minute you become a parent, everything changes. That quiet moment in a coffee shop, the lazy Sunday morning lie in or a cheeky last minute weekend getaway are all distant memories once your little bundle of joy arrives. That said, nothing can replace the sense of love and happiness you experience when you become a parent. All of a sudden, your world is turned upside down. It seems as if your every moment, awake or (rarely!) asleep, is shared with this new little being. "Me time" is like being craved or longed for even if it's just a moment in the shower or a 5 minutes trip to the store. At one point, it's just impossible, don't you think?

My first "me time" was when Luqman was just 3 months plus I think. I needed to get out and be alone for awhile. I seeked refuge at the nail parlour. You see, longing for that moment alone or for some peace and quiet where no-one can find you, does not make you a bad parent, you need to have some time for yourself too in order to recharge and be the best parent and partner you can be. I am sure all of us do have that parent guilt so to speak but having our "me time" is equally important.

I am lucky in the sense that I do get my "me time". You just need to be able to manage it. Sometimes, during weekends I wake up early to have my coffee fix undisturbed with a book in my hand. On a daily basis, I try to get home early from work so I could have at least an hour on my own before I fetch the kids. Besides, monthly meet-ups with my besties are scheduled for another awesome "me time". The most rewarding "me time" if you ask me would be when your husband willingly looks after the kids while you take a short nap upstairs. Nothing beats that!

Now that Luqman and Adeena are older, my husband and I tend to get our "me time" every now and then. Sometimes, I don't know whether to be really thankful or feel guilty for letting them have their weekly sleepovers at their Atok's (granddad and grandma insist!) But I can say that it is such a blessing because my husband and I can have our couple time, do whatever things we have been wanting to do but we couldn't because the kids take so much of our time and attention (ie: sleeping like a log), and just relax; have a time-off from being a parent even if it's just for a day. In short, it's like we're taking care of ourselves now. We've learned to shed off the guilt and the feeling of selfishness because I personally think that it is crucial to create a more balanced, calm and happier life.  

Being a parent often means that our own needs come last, and sometimes that means we completely kick them to the curb. Most of us have been there. But if you don't already do it, try and find guilt-free "me time". Search and crave for it. 

I quote,

  "When you treat yourself well, goodness trickles down into your relationships with your partner, your kids, your friends, and your community. It’s like a big circle of awesomeness."

A quick update

It is almost unforgiving that the last time I actually wrote something here was like many many many months ago. *cringe*

So so so many things have happened and are happening right now in my life. I miss writing here in my abode, where bottled feelings are let loose into lines of words. I am here again because I am so stressed out filling my SKT online which is taking forever. So, here I am paying this dusty site a visit.

In case you don't already know, bibik is no longer with us. It's been almost a year already. Truthfully, I am so relieved. Without her around, I am saved from the worries every single day of what her health condition would be. Yes, suffice to say she wasn't fit to work for us and we couldn't afford to spend more on her medical bills than we already have for her monthly paycheck.

Anyway, a quick update on me and my family :

1. Luqman has started kindy and Adeena is doing great at nursery. We are just so thankful that Allah has eased everything for us. He made it convenient for me and my husband. Our routine is just prefect, alhamdulillah. More than manageable without a maid around.

2. My sister got married 3 months ago. Yeay! Haha 

3. Work-wise?  Nothing interesting. I swear I am not going to volunteer to teach both exam classes next year (Form 3 & 5). It is soooo tiring and energy draining. Stressful, if I may add. *sigh* Constantly reminding myself that this is ibadah and rewarding but at times you're too consumed with everything you just wanna break down and cry.

I guess I am going to leave you guys with that. InsyaAllah, will come back soon often with more writings.

Throwback(s)

The last few months of last year were filled with meaningful personal events. They were definitely moments to remember and which made 2014 an eventful year.

(This is not really chronologically arranged, fyi)

***

In October, it was my birthday. I turned 29 on the 4th and what great way to celebrate it other than with my loved ones, as always. It was nothing fancy, just a small gathering over lunch at FiqsGastronomy in Subang Jaya (a must try, people!). I loved the place, the ambience, the food. I remember feeling overwhelmed with so much love on that day that nothing else mattered; not even when my kids decided to be cranky and all testing. I was a happy lady :)

It was also a double celebration; an early one for my brother who was back for the weekend. At the end of the day, we're all high on endless laughters, happiness and that out-of-this-world Red Velvet Cake!

 Then, it was Luqman's school concert - one event that I had been eagerly waiting for (overly excited mum, as usual). Since he's in the Playgroup class, his performance was a fashion show on Jobs and Occupations. He had to be a Fireman. We went high and low looking for his costume and managed to get one pretty much in the last minute. 

Anyway, despite the fact that Luqman actually cried on stage (out of fear or overwhelm or maybe both) on that auspicious day and most of his pictures captured looked as if he's better off somewhere (haha), we were swelled with pride! We're elevated! I actually had tears in my eyes (emo mum, expected). To see our firstborn on stage for the first time was just heartwarming.

 During his performance

 One for the album!

November hosted a few meaningful events, too. 

First, it was our dearest friend and homie's lovely day, Farhana's wedding. I can never begin to express how happy I am for her. It was such a beautiful union and reception and a gathering of loved ones, no doubt. 

Farhana, may your marriage lasts until Jannah and you deserve the happiness :)

 All of us, the usual suspects (two not in the picture) in our another themed colour outfits - something we like to do in most occasions, really hehe

Another delightful news in this month was that my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby girl, her second born. It was a long wait finally over, given her unfit condition and a few false labours in between. Alhamdulillah, Nur Khadeejah is definitely a heavenly gift from Allah. We couldn't be happier with another addition to the family. 

One-day young Khadeejah with her excited mum and aunties :)

Last November also marked our 4th marriage anniversary. We just went out for dinner with the kids and that's as far as how the day was celebrated.  I am just so thankful that we have made it this far. Looking back, it is just surreal that we're in an amazing journey together, sharing the highs and the lows. Not forgetting those fiery moments which mostly stirred by yours truly (ehem!) and handled very professionally (so to speak) by the hubby. 

Thank you for everything. And yes, I'd definitely be lost without you. 

4 years ago, on our honeymoon :)

Us, today.

This next event is probably the highlight of the year for our family. My sister's engagement was something that we have foreseen and anticipated, but not sooner than expected! I remember all of us were palpitating (so to speak) and my mum almost went frantic when the other family decided to immediate the event. With the time spared, preparation was made (and we pulled it off satisfactorily, if I may add) and the day couldn't get any lovelier.

Can't believe my baby sister is tying the knot soon *lump in throat*

Hats off to my mum, who did 85% of the prep single-handedly (so cekap, I know!) and almost everyone loved everything about the ceremony. 

December came and it was Luqman's 3rd birthday. 

We went for an outing; a day planned with so much fun for the celebrated boy. We brought him and his sister to KizSports and Gym at Main Place Mall, Subang for a few hours of fun and physical excitement of running around the place without confinement, cruising down the slides countless of times, and pretty much having the time of their lives. We couldn't keep up with his amazing level of energy so we just let him run free as the playland is relatively safe. It is mainly padded and netted all around. Suffice to say, Luqman was ecstatic! 

Then, we had our lunch at Wondermilk, Citta Mall. That's when another surprise awaited him. Little did he know that his grandparents would be there, and his Maksu and Uncle Nain, too, boring gifts that later made him the happiest boy on earth. Wished Uncle Farouk was there but he wasn't back for the weekend, sadly.

Happy 3rd Birthday Luqman! (though technically you're supposed to be four haha). Our prayers are always with you. We love you so much you have no idea!

***

So there. Some of the highlights shared.

Looking forward for more eventful ones this year, with a major occasion's a definite. Yerp, it's my sister's wedding, which we're practically running around now getting things done. 

Back again

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hello.

Wow. It's been ages, isn't it? 

Coming back to this abode is definitely emotional. It's almost unforgiving how it had been abandoned for a time too long when it had been an escapade for me for all those times before. 

I miss you. Yes, you, whoever you are. I miss this space, more than anything. And I miss writing, pouring my heart's content on just about anything worth sharing.

It's another new year. And I am up at this oddly hour with a sudden urge to type something. Writer's itch? Hehe

It's already the second month of the year. So many things have happened. The ride has been quite fun and smooth so far with a few bumps and jerks along the way. We've been happy and okay except that we're probably starting on the wrong foot where health is concerned. It's a test from the Almighty. A test of patience and belief. InsyaAllah, with heavy rain comes the beautiful rainbow. 

I think this would suffice for a 'comeback entry'. 

I can't wait to frequent here and share this year's journey with you. 

It's a promise I will try to keep, insyaAllah.

May everything be eased. Stay safe and happy everyone.