Public parenting

Kids don't always behave as we'd like when we're out and about. When they are out, they get extra excited and off schedules that their behaviour can be particularly challenging. The hard part is not only we, as parents have to be extra creative (and patient) to help our child cope in a way that is acceptable and doesn't infringe on the right of others, we have to do it in front of an audience, for whom we struggle under their judgmental gaze. 

How many times have you felt urged/coerced into parenting in a way you don't normally do because you were in a public situation? I know we have and just recently, our public parenting is put to the test. Like really put to the test.

It was last Friday night, at a talk by the renown Islamic scholar Mufti Ismail Menk, that we have never felt so embarrassed, our instincts were compromised and our parenting skills were probably being scrutinised.

I still remember how my husband asked me repeatedly whether or not I am pretty sure to bring our kids to the talk. My answer was a firm yes, reason being if we do not try we will not know the outcome. Plus, if we really want this, insyaAllah with Allah's mercy He will ease everything for us. So, the five of us, together with bibik, we made our way to the venue. 

Luqman, upon arrival, was all fidgety and over excited. He didn't want to walk. We had to keep up with his pace for he was running all the time. At first, we quite enjoyed it and some strangers even seemed floored by his cute antiques. And then when he started asking for 'susu' I began to feel burdened and I actually panicked. He was showing signs of tantrums so I scooped him out of the venue and fed him at a disclosed area until he was satisfied. Pheww! Before entering the tent, I even talked to him nicely saying that he has to behave and sit with ayah all the time. He said 'Ok!" But, who are you kidding??

The next one and a half hour was probably the longest we had to endure, no kidding. Luqman was somewhat out of control, running here and there, to and fro along the aisle and he screamed in the dead silence of the talk. He was in his own world, acting like he's Ultraman, kicking here and there, showing off his heroic stunts.  He fell a few times, to add to that. He acted out worse when my husband grabbed him for him to stay put (I mean, of course). And at one point, he ran almost to the centre stage that my husband jumped up from his seat and ran towards him and carried him back. 

And I was there at my seat, wishing I could dig a hole and hide my face there. My heart was in constant fear that he would do something inappropriate at an event that is so appropriate. I was so well aware that all eyes were on us. Yes, we're his parents and we should know how to control our kid but apparently, my friend, it's not that easy. Yes, we know that the audience have the right to a talk that isn't dominated by our kid, but I think you'd agree with me when I say that focusing too much on what others will only undermine our ability to help our child. I kept on consoling myself by saying, "Don't think of what they might say. Just focus on him. Focus!" at the same time catching the apologetic smiles from other understanding parents.

"Why don't you remove him from the situation?"

You think I didn't think of that? The thing is, there was really no way out. The whole place was like swamped with attentive audience. Though seated at the back, the audience that formed another crowd outside the tent made it difficult for me to move and disappear as quickly as possible. So, I had to just stay put and put on my extra alert tentacles on for Luqman. I smiled with gritted teeth, too. At that point, I just couldn't be bothered anymore and was silently praying for the talk to end fast. Honestly, I barely focused on Mufti Menk's talk (thank God for the recorded one) and when he did, I stood up with both hands on the air, letting a huge sigh of relief.

On our way back to our car, some strangers smiled to us and I smiled back, knowing that they knew. One lady actually stopped at us, and said what an active boy he was. Apparently, he successfully stole the limelight that night. We took that as a compliment and when we held each others hands, I told my husband, congratulations on surviving Luqman. And we laughed.

Had we been more authoritarian, Luqman might or might not behave either. I think we'd done as much as we could. But of course, he can't always get away with his carefree behaviour. We as parents need to tell him nicely and be persistent if good outcome is to be expected. 

Those strangers at the talk? Well, we probably won't see them again. Sometimes, we all have bad days. And you'd understand if you're a parent yourself. As for us, we have learned a great deal from our kid. Will we ever regret bringing him to public events? No. Because now we know better how to deal with him, insyaAllah :) Experience is our greatest teacher!

There's Luqman in his white jubah. Picture taken from Sinar Harian online. I was there somewhere, hiding :)