New journey

Last week, my husband dropped the bomb over dinner which luckily, I wasn't choked after hearing it. The news was somewhat surprising but not totally unexpected. It's just I didn't think it would be so so soon. 

My reaction was that of a hysterical laughter followed by his, too. While holding his hands, gripping them hard, I know deep down things will change from now on. 

I foresee a lot of sacrifices have to be made in the future - juggling time between family and studies -- especially after I have given birth (which is just a few weeks away). No more frequent weekend outings (oh dear!). And the thought of me handling three kids without his presence is enough to make me shudder. 

But, I believe Allah has planned it all the way. An unexpected situation always comes with wisdom, and we're up for it insyaAllah. I am so so supportive of his new journey in life (I can never be more happy, in fact!) but I also know the beginning is always the hardest. I know, too, that there's no turning back on his part and insyaAllah we will ace this together. 

On top of that, I am so grateful that both of us have our support system (both our families) which we can rely on in times of difficulties. Praying hard that everything will be eased. 

All the best hubby. You know I am always right by your side :)

Super (pregnant) mom

My husband just left at the wee hours of the morning for a day outstation. While this has not been the first time, it's the first he's away leaving me 8 months plus pregnant with two kids and a household to manage for the day. From my point of view, it is already challenging enough. 

Truth be told, I have been preparing for this day for so long. It's a major drag. Yes, it's just a day but given that I am such a whale right now (oh yes, I am!), I can't help but envision that I would pass out at the end of the day. 

Kids will be up in half-an-hour. I have prepared everything the day prior to save me the hassle and drama this morning. I cannot be more than grateful that my superior allows me to report for work a little later than usual. 

I CAN DO THIS!

With some planning done, I think I can go through today's short-term single motherhood (so dramatic, I know!) smoothly. And like a pro. 

May the force be with me.

Morning cries

Adeena is almost 3 now and she's the earliest of the two to be sent to the nursery. The thought of sending her for the first time was hard, considering she was hardly 2 at that time. To me, she was too young to be separated and it was the biggest step we had to make as parents. Besides, it was the only choice we had after Bibik was sent home and this decision was mainly dictated by our career demands. I remember it was a very sensitive time for the both of us but Adeena was a star. Everything was eased and despite the ongoing crying that broke my heart every time, she managed after two weeks. The rest was history and life continues to be breezy.

Only, the crying started again December last year -- that's almost after a year plus she's been at the nursery. My husband and I agreed it must have been hard for Adeena to resettle after a month's break from the nursery (it was the school holidays so my kids stayed at home with me). Out of worry, I constantly pep talk her, telling her she has to go to school, play with her friends while ayah and ummi go to work. Every single day, that's what we did and she would nod like she really understood and her reply would be "Nanti Ummi ambik Adeena kan?" I was so crushed inside, feeling all guilty that she had to be sent there. I kept my fingers crossed everyday.

But things didn't change until now. And that's been almost 1 month plus. Every morning I would whatsapp my husband, asking of Adeena and his response would be the same "She still cries" (My husband would take care of the kids in the morning as I have to leave the house at 6.30 am every working day). 

You can only imagine what I am feeling. I have all sorts of pre-assumptions in my head right now. Are the teachers the cause? The caretakers there have been changed quite a few times in a month that maybe Adeena is still adjusting because she's been used to the old ones. Or is she being bullied? Or has any of the teacher raised a voice to her? etc etc etc

I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill because she doesn't throw tantrums. But, she will cry every single morning once she arrives at the nursery. The quivering of the lips and the tears will start in the car itself. Thing is, she'll get down, walks through the front door, salam, arranges her slippers, goes in and rushes to the sliding door to 'bye bye' while crying her eyes out.

Such heartbreaking scene.

Talked to her caretakers and they said she's fine every time the car leaves and she's a fine kid all day long. I should not worry right?

Well, I guess it is just separation anxiety. What more that I am pregnant now. They say it's a phase. She's being 'sayu' like what my mom puts it. I really hope that is all because I can't bear the thoughts of something else that could have been bothering her. 

This too, shall pass.

Love you, Adeena :)

At this point of time

Sometimes, being pregnant can feel as if it's a full-time job already. And it's tough when you've already got a full-time job yourself -- the kind that requires you to move, climb up the stairs and entertain 30-40 clients at a time. Fatigue is not even apt to describe what I have been feeling everyday for the past 8 months I am carrying. That's my biggest challenge so far -- fighting fatigue.

Things can get quite stressful, I admit, but I try not to make it adversely affect my health and my mood. The thought of a 3 months leave seem to uplift me the most and a newborn in my arms to hold. And yes, of course, I get plenty of sleep and rest. 

Despite the occasional struggle, exhaustion, pain and frustration, alhamdulillah, life continues to be amazing. And all is happy in my corner of the world.