Taking a break

Finally, I could take a breather. Although the one-week holiday is ending and work starts tomorrow, it was the most anticipated break ever since I started reporting myself after my confinement.

With a new boss around, stress at work is elevated. There was never a day I dread going to work and rush back when it's time. I just can't wait to be home and relax, amidst the chaos that my kids make. At one point, I really question my sincerity and happiness at work because seriously, that spirit and positivity are nowhere to be found.

As sadly as it may sound, I managed not to think about work or even do any school-related work throughout this break, which is a big yeay for me. Managed to declutter my mind for the time being. Am so thankful for this break, too, because my husband is around most of the days so we had our fair share of house chores and handling the kids.

We managed to plan for a beach vacation nearby which was totally the highlight of the week. Although it was mainly to fulfil our kids' wish, secretly it was mine too. It's been so long since we last paid the beach a visit so to be able to feel the sand beneath our feet and let the waves washed away our imprints was just therapeutic. 

For now, life is really good. I am just going to enjoy the remaining hours of my break before saying hello to the hustle and bustle life tomorrow.

Lazy Sunday

Toilet-training

Potty-training or toilet-training is a major milestone and it is a big step for both kids and parents. Alhamdulillah, our second child, Adeena, is now toilet trained and she has now ditched the diaper during the day. Such a heeeuuge success for both of us I would say. And to top it all, Allah has eased the process, in which it took us only 4-5 days of successful potty breaks with the first two days of a few 'accidents'. 

Well done, Adeena!

At 3 years and 2 months, I think Adeena surprises us all. I initially thought she wasn't ready but she actually opens up to the idea. This new transition is of course celebratory. Going through this phase the second time, I am still amazed at how good kids really are at mastering their bladder control.

Next would be to train both Luqman and Adeena the nighttime diaper-less routine which (I'm not gonna lie), is such a put off. I know I know what you're thinking. I am constantly thinking and imagining the hassle and frustration upon discovering wet beds and pants even before I start the nighttime training. Tried a few times with Luqman before and my husband and I agreed that he still wasn't ready. Saved us the exhaustion of constantly washing his pants and changing the mattress covers, too. 

I guess after a year, I think he might ready. Adeena, too. We shall see :) And once we start, let patience be our mantra to success hehe

Ramadhan Kareem

It's Ramadhan again - the glorious month. It's the time we get to perform one of the pillars of Islam; fasting. It is also called the generous month because we get many generous blessings; we pray and do charity and get rewarded abundantly insyaAllah. 

I am so grateful that I get to meet Ramadhan again, alhamdulillah. While most of us warmly welcome Ramadhan, as a parent, I quietly fret about how to handle three kids (especially it's the school holidays now) and keeping them entertained while I'm exhausted from the fasting. Balancing parenting (include breastfeeding too) and fasting is definitely challenging and I salute all stay-at-home mums out there!

My toddler kids have so much energy. I have to really keep up with them; switching from one activity to another. Thankfully Fatima is at that stage when you offer her the boobs, she'll pengsan right after and I will anticipate her next wake after 3 hours tops. In the mean time, I rush to complete any house chores or just looking after Luqman and Adeena.

Most of the times, I let them play and play and play until they get bored and I'll switch something on the TV for them to watch right after. While I can say that they certainly can manage on their own, it's the siblings' squabbles that really tick me off. It's so frustrating and exhausting having to referee the constant fighting every single day. Not to mention energy draining, too, especially when you're abstaining. 

Sometimes, I just let them embrace the boredom. But I guess they're still too young to really understand how to. Haha If they're tired from playing, they're hungry. Food has to be abundant in the house! Too bad I can't join their energy refuelling. 

I guess the highlight of the day is their afternoon nap. Oh boy, such a peaceful and serene place the house is when they are napping. I keep on telling them you kids have to sleep, it's Sunnah. Sleep sleep now! When really, all I want is also to nap haha I mean, it's a healthy habit and it's also a downtime needed for all of us to avoid getting on each others' nerves. 

Ahhh the challenges. And it continues right after they wake up, getting them to shower, feed them early dinner and then get ready for breaking fast. My day during Ramadhan usually will end  at about 10-11 at night after I have performed my prayers. Terawih is absolutely at home, no doubt. And a brand new day starts again as early as 5 am. 

You know, we mums will keep on saying this and that, complain of the fatigue and challenges. But I guess if given a choice we wouldn't want it any other way. Tiring, yes, hands down. But seeing your kids right in front of your eyes, attending to their every need no matter how exhausted; it's such a blessing. Knowing that every night when you kiss your kids good night and make them recite the prayer in chorus and they say they love you in return, gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling that wipes away all the sweat, tears and tiredness.

May the force be with us mums this Ramadhan. May we be persistent in our responsibility and ibadah. And may Allah reward us generously, insyaAllah.

Ramadhan Kareem!

Celebrating Fatima and Ashman

As with our two previous children, we also hosted the aqiqah ceremony for Fatima to celebrate her birth. It's always anticipated by us because it is also a time for family gathering and a good feast (kambing golek, you feeling me? haha)

My parents have been so generous to offer their place as the venue for Fatima's aqiqah. So, on the 21st of May (after about a month plus), the event was held together with a majlis kesyukuran and tahlil.

It was just a simple event to celebrate her birth and also Ashman, my nephew. It was also my first meeting with relatives and close friends after my confinement so I felt truly excited. 

The Harun clan

Our three little precious :)

With my in-laws 

The cousins from my husband's side

The celebrated little lady :)

Fatima was being such a gem as she wasn't cranky and she slept the entire time; even when she's being passed from one person to the other. She slept soundly in the cot so I took the opportunity to mingle and meet with the guests, many of whom I have been dying to meet. Alhamdulillah, the event was a success. Food was awesome and I personally had a wonderful time.

One for the album 

Then, 2 weeks later it was my nephew's aqiqah, held at my sister's parents-in-laws' place. Another event anticipated because, well, there's food ( kambing golek!!) and also because their family decided to do the berendoi and the shaving of the hair. 

The so-called berendoi dais

TMAZ - Tun Muhamad Ashman Zulkarnain

The new proud parents with their baby, after the head-shaving ceremony

Food was great and everything went well despite the heat. Ashman behaved, too, the entire time especially during the head-shaving ceremony by the ustaz. 

More pictures taken :

*Luqman's missing coz he was sleeping at the time this photo was taken*

And, these two little munchkins were the most tired ones haha 

Ashman and Fatima

 Having a child is a great blessing from Allah so performing aqiqah is a way of being thankful. Besides, hosting a ceremony also is another purpose to invite family and friends to the blessed occasion where food and meat are served. At the end of the day, no matter how you decide to host the event or how you want to perform your aqiqah, it always comes back to the basic; that aqiqah is sunnah and also a sadaqah.

Get well soon

It's that time again when sleep is an evaporated matter and your sick child (baby) with an elevated temperature is the real deal. I am worried sick of my Fatima because she's been suffering from a fever for three days now. 

Couldn't believe that my baby who is hardly 2 months could be infected with this viral fever. It's the worst part of parenting I must say - knowing your child is sick and you can only do as much to make him/her feel better. *sigh*

It breaks my heart to see Fatima suffering from the fever. She is still a baby! It's the last thing I want to witness because whatever pain and queasiness she is feeling, I am feeling it twice. And like all parents, I wish the pain is mine. 

I just hope and pray hard that come tomorrow she'll at least have a normal temperature and a better well-being. 

God, give me strength for the day and shine me the light for the way.

Please make du'a for my Fatima, too. 

Get well soon, baby girl.

Joyful April

It's almost the end of April but I hope it's not too late to share with you people what a joyful month it has been. 

2 memorable events took place this month - would have been three if it's not for Fatima's early debut (she decided to say hello to the world on the 31st of March, 2 days prior to her EDD).

On the 8th of April, it was Soraya Adeena's 3rd birthday. She was really looking forward to this day because she wanted a cake. Sorry little girl, no fancy schmancy cake this time around but I am sure you absolutely loved the tiny delicious Macadamia Caramel Cheese cake ayah bought you. Oh and that one sliced Chocolate Prune Cake, too! 

I obviously just started my confinement so my husband and I were thankful that my family took the effort to drop by with food and presents for the kids. Totally made their day. I, on the other hand had to salivate over those cakes and the KFC bucket that my brother bought while all of them were having a finger-licking good time.

Couldn't be more happy with their presence!

To Soraya Adeena,

No words can truly express my love for you. It's hard not to fall in love with you and be smitten by you. Three years have passed and I see my own reflection in you without having to look into the mirror. You are definitely a joy to have and be around with and you definitely leave a pride in me and your dad. May you grow up to be the best muslimah insyaAllah, one who benefits the ummah and those around you. My prayers for you will never stop. Love you so much debob!

Then, on the 21st of April 2016, the wait was finally over. My youngest sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy weighing at 3.6 kg. We were all swelled with pride and joy with this new addition to the family. My parents were the most happy, I would say. Two new grandchildren this year!

I couldn't wait to hold my first nephew so off I went to the hospital with Fatima and my parents the next day while Luqman and Adeena were in school. I was already on my 23rd day of confinement; feeling pretty ok already hehe

Tun Muhamad Ashman Zulkarnain, you are such a cutie Mak Long so geram!

The next day, Luqman and Adeena visited Mak Su and said hi to their little cousin for the first time. 

It's still surreal, really what with me having my third child and my sister had her first. We're all grown ups already! And now we're talking mummy lingo ey!

Can't wait for May coz it'll be a joyful one for me -- the end of confinement period! Weehuu!

Third time's a charm - Part 2

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It was already 7 am. And we're still pacing up and down the room. Suddenly I had this urge to pass motion. Twice. My heart raced so fast and I panicked. I told my husband and he pressed the bell. The nurse came into our room and I told her my situation. The next thing I knew, I was rushed to the labour room on a wheelchair and I could feel my face turned white. This is it! It's time! 

Everything happened so fast. I was wheeled into this bright room with two midwives readily waiting. I was slowly transferred onto the bed. A female doctor came to check and I was already 7cm dilated. All the while, the contractions changed to expulsive, pushing ones. I was grunting with each contraction. Then, my husband came and sat next to me while holding my hand. I think he's saying words of encouragement or reciting his prayer; I don't quite know as I was too distracted with the pain and the urge to push. 

After a few minutes, the midwives got me ready into a pushing position. The doctor's been telling me when and how to push and she was so good at guiding me. She taught me how to really breathe properly with every contraction and to me, that really helped in giving birth this time around. I guess it took me 4 really long push (and tears streaming down my face) until the hard work was finally over. It was 8.36 am.

The next few minutes were blurry. I was left feeling nauseous and shaky. I was panting and my throat felt dry. I heard the midwives, the doctor and my husband rejoicing once the baby was out. "Well done!" "Good job!" were all I could make of amidst the noise. My baby instantly cried her first cry and she was put on my chest after my husband was given the honour of cutting her umbilical cord. She's beautiful, mashaAllah. Tears started to form again. My husband kissed my head and squeezed my hand. I let out a huge sigh of relief. It's over. Finally. 

Except, it wasn't really over down there. The doctor was busy examining my placenta and she made sure that nothing was left behind by pressing my tummy here and there. However, I was hardly aware of all this and the stitching as I was busy focusing on my baby and offering her the breast at the same time admiring her features. 

I was exhausted -- extremely exhausted. My hands were shaky and I felt cold. I was hungry and I instantly remembered the chicken chop that I had for dinner last night before going into battle. My husband passed me the dates and I drank half of the water in the bottle. I felt rejuvenated a bit. I looked at my husband and we both smiled. 

"She looks like her abang Luqman," I said.

"Yes, she does," my husband replied.

Syukur alhamdulillah. Selamat semuanya.

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You know. I have been having all sorts of thoughts when it comes to labour and giving birth for the third time. The fear escalates because you have gone through this twice before and you know what's coming - the signs, pain, etc. But every labour is totally different and truthfully, I didn't know what to expect. However, I have promised myself that I will try to have a normal unassisted birth this time around and alhamdulillah I managed with Allah's help. I also promised myself to not give in to pain easily and try to have natural pain relief instead of taking medical ones. Alhamdulillah, as much as I want help at some point, I aced this too, this time around. He has also made it easy for me during labour despite the long hours of battling contractions. Allahuakbar!

I guess it's true what they say -- The third time's always a charm. 

Third time's a charm - Part 1

I took a peek at the clock and I noticed that the time seemed to slow to a crawl. I looked at my husband who was snoring away softly on the sofa bed, all curled up just like a baby (I let him sleep and didn't wake him up because I knew he was equally exhausted and once the baby's out, he will have to run around to settle the post-labour chores. So yeah, let him get his rest). I told myself that it's going to be a very long night. I inhaled and exhaled.

Earlier today, I was alarmed by the bloody show that appeared. As there were no contraction pains yet, I decided to wait and got my hospital bag ready in the meantime. The discharge continued to pass until late evening and by that time, I'd started to feel the contractions slowly coming in. My husband came home, fetched the kids and off we went to my parents' to drop Luqman and Adeena before making our way to the hospital. Once there, the doctor who checked told us that I was already 3cm dilated. I could go back home and come here again when it's time but with the third child anything's possible. We took the doctor's advice and decided to stay for the night. 

With one hand at my waist and the other rubbing my bulging tummy, I paced around the room despite the labour contractions that were coming in quite regularly and more intense. I tried to relax but the pain -- oh boy, the pain! 

I had been alternating between walking and resting. I had tried leaning on a pillow and also the knee-chest position every time the pain kicked in. I focused on my breathing, too. God knows how sleepy I was. At one point, I think I dozed off on the bed as I was too tired only to be awakened by the entrance of the nurse, pushing in the electronic fetal monitor machine. 

************************

3 hours had passed. Pain's coming in still quite regularly and the intensity was still moderate. 3 more hours and it would be Fajr. By this time, I was already feeling very anxious and emotional. I just couldn't wait for the baby to come out. I almost gave up. It felt like ages! My husband's also awake. I guess my loud breathing and my little cries and howls sort of woke him up.  Anyway, he held my hand and paced with me around the room through what seemed like an endless transition. He was quiet most of the time - partly still feeling sleepy and partly because being quiet was the best thing to do at that moment. 

Every 10 minutes I would slow down and stopped and gripped my husband's hands so tightly. I cringed, shook my head and remember saying, "Ya Allah! Sakit!" everytime the contractions came. He would rub my back, cuddle me and whispered "Hang in there. Sikit je lagi ni". I nodded and continued pacing.

Tears started to form in my eyes. I recited the zikir and constantly prayed to Allah to please make everything easy for me. Luqman and Adeena suddenly came to mind and I became more emotional. I breathed in and breathed out slowly. I could do this, I told myself. 

I poured myself a glass of water and ate the date -- it was my 5th for the night -- and continued walking.

**************************

I slowly opened my eyes. I was on the bed. I must have dozed off again. My husband was curled on the sofa bed. There was a knock on the door and the nurse came in wheeling that machine again. I was strapped with the elastic belts on my tummy. My eyes darted to the clock and it was almost 5.30 am. I sighed. "Sakitla nurse" I told her and she smiled. "Almost there" she replied. "Do you want any painkiller or gas?" I shook my head. "Keep on moving and walking. If you rasa macam nak buang air besar after this, you cepat-cepat tekan bell ya". I nodded weakly and she went out. I pulled myself to a sitting position. The pain was now so intense I felt like screaming on the tops of my lung. This whole transitional phase was the most difficult part -- the pressure and the pain my body was enduring; where do I even begin???

Then, it was time for Fajr prayer. I could hear the Azan from a nearby mosque. I moved my husband. He couldn't believe it was already dawn (he thought time passed by so quickly) while I, on the other hand, thought it was the longest night in my entire life. Together we prayed. In my last rakaat, the pain almost knocked me down from the chair, leaving me feeling all shaky. I thought, this is it. Maybe it's time.  

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to be continued

A life's begun

After 39 weeks and 5 days of growing my baby, an overnight of battling contractions, and an hour of giving birth, our little girl was finally born. 

It's the moment that we've all been anticipating for. Despite the exhaustion and the emotional wreck I have been, I can say that both my husband and I have never felt so happy, too. 

As we held our newborn, the realisation that we are responsible for this precious new life can feel daunting. We feel like we're new parents once again. The first few days were quite overwhelming and hectic so to speak. I remember feeling a little bit weepy - a combination of raging hormones and exhaustion - and I wasn't feeling all that elated every minute of the day. Fast forward to another 2 weeks, I am spending the time of my baby's life in an exhausted but happy haze. In between feeds (lotsa of 'em! I forgot how much a newborn is attached to your boobs) nappy changes, and her around-the-clock schedule, we are indeed excited with our bundle of joy (it is still very surreal, really).

Though it's our number three, we're still grappling and at times overwhelmed by the responsibility. Alhamdulillah, we get lots of support and help from both our families. I really owe my mom and husband for helping and supporting me so that I get sufficient rest to care for the new baby. Also, seeing my husband handling the day-to-day chores and trying hard to keep the house (and all of us) together reminds me why I love him in the first place. 

I will definitely blog about my labour story. Like I have mentioned before, I didn't know what to expect this time around, and as it turned out, it was something different altogether. As they say, third time's a charm!

For now, meet our little girl, Fatima Eiliyah, named after Prophet Muhammad's (SAW) daughter. May she grow to become someone beautiful, calm and serene and loved by Allah -- as what Eiliyah is supposed to mean. Amin, insyaAllah.

Just a few minutes after she was out from the womb

Looking a lot like Abang Luqman

Luqman and Adeena meeting Fatima for the very first time :)

As for now, wish us luck! We hope to survive the bleary-eyed days and get our sleep back probably soon. NOT.

Almost there

It's hard to believe that I am already at my 39th week when it just felt like yesterday when we found out I was expecting. I'm in the homestretch! The anxiety, fear, and excitement are kinda overwhelming I would say. 

39 weeks pregnant me and my 34 weeks pregnant sister.

I am at that stage where everything is just not comfortable anymore. Sleeping at night is such a chore - tossing and turning to find the right position. I walk like a penguin at the rate of a gliding snail. Pregnancy at 39 weeks also means that I am always attuned to any signs of labor, which is quite scary. Yes, I am scared. Ohh, the contraction, the ultimate pain *shudders* 

It's the waiting game! And it's killing me. A little tiring don't you think? Since both my kids made their debut exactly at 40 weeks (Luqman on his EDD and Adeena came out a day earlier),I should expect the same with the third one, no? Hopefully. 

My kids have been asking the same question every single day on when is the baby coming out while rubbing and kissing my tummy. It's cute when Adeena tries to make conversation with her younger sibling in the tummy. 

We try to spend quality time as much as we can as a family now, knowing that after delivery, my focus will be shifted ultimately on the baby. I really hope that Luqman and Adeena will be able to understand later and not feel that detachment. 

I'm sure they'll be over the moon when the baby arrives hehe

For now, I would say preparation is almost 85% complete. However, I just can't get started on packing my hospital bag I just don't know why. Terrible I know. At this point of time, that bag should already be in the car when in reality it is still empty somewhere in my wardrobe. I hope I still have time.

Work wise, I didn't plan on taking leaves earlier and just continue to go to work until the end (just like my previous pregnancies) but on second thought (well, just two days ago actually), I decided to start resting this coming Wednesday. The doctor agrees and hopefully I'll get to relish the peaceful me-time three days prior to my due date. I already made mental plans on what I should be doing on that three days. So looking forward!

While I should be getting ready to celebrate, I actually dread the prospect of having to deliver a baby *cold sweat*. Please pray for me. Please pray that I would be calm and okay and that I will get through this delivery day fears. Who knows, the next time I post something here, my baby is already home :)

Magical love

There's just something magical about grandparents when it comes to their grandchildren. It's a bond like no other - the unconditional love. 

Whenever I see my parents with my kids, I wonder why weren't they the way they are right now when they were with us many many yeas ago? I guess it's because of their new role which doesn't put any pressure on them as parents. They can just enjoy their grandchildren for who they are.

 This laidback, joyful freedom way of handling kids, I presume, is why most grandchildren love their grandparents so much. I mean it's true right? With Atok and Nanny or Wan, it is so much fun because they seem to get away with pretty much everything; especially when it comes to food and gadgets. While I used to get all tense and uncomfortable because of this discipline-out-of-the-window thingy, I have come to learn to just let it go. After all, I don't want to be the 'party pooper', do I? Bukannya selalu. But of course, the line is drawn and some things have been made clear and we're all good.

Today, it's no surprise that grandparents' involvement in our kids' lives is even more important. It's comforting to know that there are other adults who love our children and are definitely looking out for them. In times of difficulties, my husband and I can never be more grateful that both our parents are just a call away and they can help take some of the pressure off us. 

While some might not agree with the involvement of the grandparents, I guess deep down we all do want some of it. Just not in a judgmental, meddling way but more to a loving and supportive way. 

Let's face it. Grandparents are VIPs -  at least to my kids. When they're with Atok and Nanny or Wan, we're forgotten! Haha They'll tell us how it is so much fun with their grandparents that sometimes I tend to think we're going to lose! However, upon seeing how smitten they are with their grandchildren, how they coo on very photos and the way their eyes lit when Luqman and Adeena entertain them with their antics, it gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling. 

And I smile thinking how lucky my kids are to have such loving and doting grandparents who don't need much to feel special; they already are special the moment their grandchildren were born :)

Missing Atok

When I answered the call from my sister yesterday afternoon to a sobbing voice at the other end of the line, I somewhat knew. I have been having that inkling since the day when we were all told that he was getting weaker. 

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un 

"We surely belong to Allah and to Him we shall return."

Just yesterday morning we were all alarmed by his worsened condition. Our Mak Ngah who has been taking care of Atok informed us family that he was too weak to even budge and he barely opened his eyes. The doctor came to the house and injected some glucose as he was hypoglycemic. Mom was already there the moment we were told. 

God knows better - a few hours later, Atok was gone. He was 93 years old. 

We rushed back to Kanchong Darat just in time before the Jenazah prayer was about to be performed. Alhamdulillah, sempat tengok wajah Atok. I didn't get to see and kiss Nenek when she passed away two years ago because we arrived quite late. 

I am quite disappointed because I can't even remember the last time I visited Atok. I didn't get to see him at the last cousin's wedding we attended because he already went back -- he was feeling uncomfortable. 

Yesterday, Atok looked so calm and serene. Despite the heat, it rained very heavily; leaving the earth with some fresh smell. The sweet fragrance of the after rain accompanied Atok throughout the process. Alhamdulillah.

 He was well-known in Banting as he was a teacher and Guru Besar. Everybody pretty much know who Wak Sarkam or Cikgu Sarkam was. He served the community well. May he be placed among the good, amin.

Al-Fatihah

Allahyarham Haji Sarkam bin Ramlan

1923-2016

Sick days

It's been the toughest and testing two weeks so far. We've all been under the weather for God-knows-how-long. And we all know getting sick is never fun. Imagine getting sick while you're pregnant - worst! It's the last thing I need, but it can happen all too easily. Being sick for two is twice as uncomfortable already and I had to look after the other three members of the household, too. 

It all started with me going down with the bug - suffice to say I got the whole sick package. Was on medical leave for two days - a continuation from the weekend. Then, Luqman followed suit. Expected, Deena joined in the trio later. The best of prevention doesn't always do the trick, so my husband fell prey to this vicious trap, too -  the nasty virus that's been lurking in the household. 

The thing about being a mom who falls sick is this - you're almost not allowed to. Moms don't fall sick, remember? It's a universal truth!  When I inevitably succumbed to the nasty virus, I remember thinking there's no way I am going to be sick. I just couldn't let everything go for a while. Laundry, dishes and clutter piles - that helpless feeling which resulted me being one cranky mom. 

As much as I want to curl in bed, put myself first to get the rest I need, I know it remains a wishful thinking as it is. When moms are sick, business is as usual. My kids needed me. I had been shouldering the extra load especially when my husband was down for the count; I took lots of midnight temperatures, wiped lots of little noses, cleaning up the vomits and  sponging those fiery hot bodies until I fell asleep in a sitting position.

Thinking back, I shuddered. I shuddered because I managed, I tackled the mess with vengeance for days despite my weak condition. But I have to give credit to my husband, too for even though he was weak beyond compare, he tried to help around, letting me rest and had my shift off. 

Alhamdulillah, all is well now. I am better. Kids have recuperated and hubby is out and about already in Bangkok for the next three days. 

I know I probably shouldn't say this but I think I am amazing *blows nails*. Moms are amazing, really. We're sick yet we still run the house. We're super humans. For one, we just don't get sick days.

New journey

Last week, my husband dropped the bomb over dinner which luckily, I wasn't choked after hearing it. The news was somewhat surprising but not totally unexpected. It's just I didn't think it would be so so soon. 

My reaction was that of a hysterical laughter followed by his, too. While holding his hands, gripping them hard, I know deep down things will change from now on. 

I foresee a lot of sacrifices have to be made in the future - juggling time between family and studies -- especially after I have given birth (which is just a few weeks away). No more frequent weekend outings (oh dear!). And the thought of me handling three kids without his presence is enough to make me shudder. 

But, I believe Allah has planned it all the way. An unexpected situation always comes with wisdom, and we're up for it insyaAllah. I am so so supportive of his new journey in life (I can never be more happy, in fact!) but I also know the beginning is always the hardest. I know, too, that there's no turning back on his part and insyaAllah we will ace this together. 

On top of that, I am so grateful that both of us have our support system (both our families) which we can rely on in times of difficulties. Praying hard that everything will be eased. 

All the best hubby. You know I am always right by your side :)

Super (pregnant) mom

My husband just left at the wee hours of the morning for a day outstation. While this has not been the first time, it's the first he's away leaving me 8 months plus pregnant with two kids and a household to manage for the day. From my point of view, it is already challenging enough. 

Truth be told, I have been preparing for this day for so long. It's a major drag. Yes, it's just a day but given that I am such a whale right now (oh yes, I am!), I can't help but envision that I would pass out at the end of the day. 

Kids will be up in half-an-hour. I have prepared everything the day prior to save me the hassle and drama this morning. I cannot be more than grateful that my superior allows me to report for work a little later than usual. 

I CAN DO THIS!

With some planning done, I think I can go through today's short-term single motherhood (so dramatic, I know!) smoothly. And like a pro. 

May the force be with me.

Morning cries

Adeena is almost 3 now and she's the earliest of the two to be sent to the nursery. The thought of sending her for the first time was hard, considering she was hardly 2 at that time. To me, she was too young to be separated and it was the biggest step we had to make as parents. Besides, it was the only choice we had after Bibik was sent home and this decision was mainly dictated by our career demands. I remember it was a very sensitive time for the both of us but Adeena was a star. Everything was eased and despite the ongoing crying that broke my heart every time, she managed after two weeks. The rest was history and life continues to be breezy.

Only, the crying started again December last year -- that's almost after a year plus she's been at the nursery. My husband and I agreed it must have been hard for Adeena to resettle after a month's break from the nursery (it was the school holidays so my kids stayed at home with me). Out of worry, I constantly pep talk her, telling her she has to go to school, play with her friends while ayah and ummi go to work. Every single day, that's what we did and she would nod like she really understood and her reply would be "Nanti Ummi ambik Adeena kan?" I was so crushed inside, feeling all guilty that she had to be sent there. I kept my fingers crossed everyday.

But things didn't change until now. And that's been almost 1 month plus. Every morning I would whatsapp my husband, asking of Adeena and his response would be the same "She still cries" (My husband would take care of the kids in the morning as I have to leave the house at 6.30 am every working day). 

You can only imagine what I am feeling. I have all sorts of pre-assumptions in my head right now. Are the teachers the cause? The caretakers there have been changed quite a few times in a month that maybe Adeena is still adjusting because she's been used to the old ones. Or is she being bullied? Or has any of the teacher raised a voice to her? etc etc etc

I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill because she doesn't throw tantrums. But, she will cry every single morning once she arrives at the nursery. The quivering of the lips and the tears will start in the car itself. Thing is, she'll get down, walks through the front door, salam, arranges her slippers, goes in and rushes to the sliding door to 'bye bye' while crying her eyes out.

Such heartbreaking scene.

Talked to her caretakers and they said she's fine every time the car leaves and she's a fine kid all day long. I should not worry right?

Well, I guess it is just separation anxiety. What more that I am pregnant now. They say it's a phase. She's being 'sayu' like what my mom puts it. I really hope that is all because I can't bear the thoughts of something else that could have been bothering her. 

This too, shall pass.

Love you, Adeena :)

At this point of time

Sometimes, being pregnant can feel as if it's a full-time job already. And it's tough when you've already got a full-time job yourself -- the kind that requires you to move, climb up the stairs and entertain 30-40 clients at a time. Fatigue is not even apt to describe what I have been feeling everyday for the past 8 months I am carrying. That's my biggest challenge so far -- fighting fatigue.

Things can get quite stressful, I admit, but I try not to make it adversely affect my health and my mood. The thought of a 3 months leave seem to uplift me the most and a newborn in my arms to hold. And yes, of course, I get plenty of sleep and rest. 

Despite the occasional struggle, exhaustion, pain and frustration, alhamdulillah, life continues to be amazing. And all is happy in my corner of the world.

Of Ninja Turtles and Sofia

When we first had Luqman, I already made it clear to my husband that I am going to throw him his first ever birthday party (which he willingly obliged hehe). I remember feeling all excited and overwhelmed that preparations were done many months prior to the day. After all, I thought, how hard can it be? All you need are balloons and a cake, and everything will be done right? Well, only it wasn't that easy. I realised that we needed to choose a theme and then the decors, activities , food and favors will fit. Suffice to say, it was quite an ordeal for a semangat mom that I was. I was hooked and engrossed. In the end it was all well; the party was a success and I, above anyone else was so relieved. I slept snoring that night haha

Then, Adeena came along and that time around it was my husband who suggested that we throw her her first birthday party, too. It wouldn't be fair not to, was what he told me. And so the preparations began, only it was easier this time around given the experience I've had before when planning for Luqman's. Since we wanted to save ourselves the exhaustion of cleaning up post party, we decided to choose a kids' play area as the venue. Double the fun, zero the stress (but ehem double the expenses). We also decided to make it more intimate an event, inviting only close friends and family members. And at the 11th hour, decided that we celebrate Luqman's 2nd birthday as well haha At the end of the day, the kids and adults enjoyed themselves for sure. We went home boring only gifts and climbed on our beds smiling. No labour work post party.

The third year came and passed by without any parties. We thought we could do with some rest from all the planning and what not. Plus, our budget restrained us from throwing any. So the kids' birthdays were celebrated just among us. Went out for lunch and dinner and had the compulsary candle-blowing moment. Simple, sweet, and memorable all the same.

Then, I started to feel the itch.

It's been awhile since we had any parties. I had started to daydream on themed decors and drooling over cute custom made birthday cakes. Crazy mom, I know. I only needed Luqman to say that he wanted a Ninja Turtle cake for his birthday last year for me to proceed with the idea of throwing him and Adeena a birthday bash hehe My husband was, surprisingly, with me! He's been having similar thoughts, too! This time around it was even easier. The preparation was done only a week before the day. We knew what the kids wanted; Ninja Turtle and Sofia the First. The challenge was when ordering their cakes from selected cake vendors. Alhamdulillah, we secured them! The rest was determined pretty quick, too.

Venue : the luxury of our own home. 

Guests : just family members

Deco : simple DIY and Recycle (haha)

Food : potluck

Favors : Grandma

Photographer : My brother

 Anyway, we (my husband and I) can never be more grateful to our family for helping us out even though it was just a very simple bash. Everyone was so willing and sporting just to make Luqman and Adeena the happiest kids that day. I was the maam for the day for I was not allowed to do much coz of my growing belly. For that, I was more than happy, too!

Some of the pictures on that day :

The first day of 2016 well-spent!