lost it

This time, I really lost it. I surprised myself with how I actually reacted and that outburst yesterday wasn't something that I am proud of. They just couldn't be bothered. My existence is unacknowledged. They have other things which are far more important than at least trying to learn English.

I could have controlled myself, but apparently I couldn't. I was literally shaking and the next thing I know out came string of words which I wished I hadn't uttered. But like I said, they couldn't be bothered. I pity them. I even said they're pathetic. Do I wish I didn't say those words too? I don't know. Partly yes but partly I felt guilty.

I don't know. They're extremely a difficult bunch. And a violent one too. I tried but I can't seem to succeed. I need to remind myself why I volunteered to take them again this year, despite a terrible time they gave me last year.

anak-anakku

It's been three weeks now. School's been okay, as I managed to get a hang of it right from the start. Everything seems to fall into place. But it's still in the first month. Quite early to tell, isn't it?

I am teaching three Form 1 classes this year, which means I will normally be flat out at the end of each day.The thing about having to teach the Form 1 kids is that it is fun just as it is also exhausting.

Don't get me wrong. I truly love teaching them all. With them, I can do all sorts of activities and I don't have to worry about getting them to respond. They are a bunch of hyper kids themselves and I am normally entertained with their put ups and spontaneous acts. With them, time normally flies without me even realising it that I treasure every lesson with them. In fact, I look forward to meet them every single day - something which I didn't quite experience last year with my former students.

But with them also means that my classroom management is in dire need of improvement. I am not just a teacher but a mom and a babysitter. Instead of having 2 or 3 kids, I have 34 in each class (times 3 classes and you tell me how many little children I have!) to look after. Each differs from personality and behaviour. And all demanding your attention at the same time. Imagine you're attending a boy here, suddenly Iman over there screamed for you because Naim took his book; at the same time Aida at the back shouts "Teacheeerrrr!!! Hajar kacau saya!!!", and then you just noticed poor Nazeer has been standing in front of you for quite some time asking for the Toilet Pass. And you turned to the other part of the class and you caught Kafabil and Mukmin practising their wrestling skills on the God damn floor. Pheww! But I enjoy the noisiness, the chaotic atmosphere. There was a time when I just stood there in the class, letting the noise drown me. I smiled.

And don't even start with their names. I have dozens of Nabilah(s) and Nadirah(s), a few Asyraaf(s) and not to mention quite a number of out-of-this-world names which make me pant by just saying them. Many times I called my students not by their names and I got irritated when they did not respond, not knowing that the so-called names do not exist in that class. Malu sendiri. And I caught a few giggles from the girls.

Kau cuba jadi cikgu sekarang, boleh tak hafal nama semua?

They are indeed, extremely hard to control and they have very short attention span but they give me one thing which I really appreciate - respect.

the ultimate challenge

I don't usually put my reflective cap on especially on a Saturday morning but my students somehow slipped into my mind that I can't help but ponder on them.

Like most of my fellow comrades (especially the ones teaching in high schools), we've been teaching for almost 10 months now. Meeting these students on a daily basis can be as pleasant as it is dreadful. Our experiences, no matter how different, they taught us one thing. Forget the exams, everything comes back to this : secondary school students are as much children as they are adults, and that therein lay the dilemma of how to educate and parent them simultaneously. And the fact that they seem to come from different moldings makes the task even harder.


I guess that is the ultimate challenge. And I pray every single day that I will champion this one.

picture perfect

First take.

Second take.

Gambar sample. That explains the stamp.

let the pictures tell

Let me introduce you to some of them who have somewhat become part of my life.

Form 2 Siantan, my class. While they are considered the weakest class, I enjoy teaching them so much that I don't mind going into the class many time. They are willing to learn. An innocent and naive bunch and each one of them has a story to tell. They've touched my heart in every single way possible and they made me realise that if I quit, not only I'm quitting on them but I'm giving up on myself too. So the thought of leaving is always halted when they come to mind.

My ernest-looking students

Form 3 Anggerik/3 Bakawali. I teach them PJK and I meet them once a week. A very easy group to teach (they are the the better streamed classes). But when it comes to physical activities, they are quite reluctant. That is why I make it a point to do interesting activities come every Wednesday to get them to participate. These pictures below were taken during one of our sessions when we did Artistic Gymnastic. There are 2 gymnasts from these classes so it adds on to the fun as they demonstrated most of the moves. Then I divided them into groups to include all the moves I have taught (including their creative movements) and present it along with the song which I have picked, We Rock from the movie Camprock. Boy, were they happy or what! This was probably the best of our PJK sessions and they wanted more!

Denisa doing the cartwheel move

The 'bunga kuncup' formation

They pretty much look the same that I get confused most of the time :)

Lastly, Form 2 Mawar. Oh well, what can I say? Read here to know :)

The infamous trio of 2 Mawar

I can safely say that I have found my footing in teaching. Yes, patience is bitter but the fruit is sweet. And I love them all, truly :)

daily laughters

I know I've said this countless times before and I'm going to say it again for the umpteenth time; I have weird-behaving students--and with 'weird' I mean unnerving, discomforting acts which somehow seize me into laughter.

My Form 2 boy, Fazdil, was acting all gloomy one morning. Resisting the urge to ignore (he's one attention seeker and he's like a volcano always erupting at the most unexpected times), I politely asked him,"Fazdil, kenapa sedih?"

Fazdil, with his head cupped in his hands, looked up to me with the most miserable-looking face I've ever seen and whined, "Teacherrrr, saya macam nak demam sebab saya tak dapat belasah orang harini....".

I was statued to the ground. And yes, he actually said 'belasah'. I didn't even respond to him.

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And what do you do when a boy said this so matter-of-factly :

"Teacher, saya nak kahwin dengan teacher. Ayah teacher dah bagi green light"

(Another voice interrupted :"Kau BM pun gagal, ada hati nak kahwin dengan teacher")

"Takpe teacher, BM gagal takpe. Yang penting hantaran"

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A boy shuffled all the way to the teacher's table to pass-up his book because... well, just because. Tak paham.

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In the midst of a lesson, my Form 4 boy came to the front and hit hard on a girl's head and went back to his seat like nothing happened. Poor girl cried real bad. I can totally tolerate ADHD, but that eluded me.

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Where else can you get such daily perks? :)