Luqman, Adeena & Fatima

Gosh, its been awhile since I’ve blogged. I’ve wanted to a bunch of times. But, life. There are so many different things I could write about, but I’m going to focus on my biggest reason for NOT blogging much anymore: my beautiful babies (apart from the crazy work)

These updates aren’t just for far away family members and my friends, they’re for me too. In lieu of a physical baby book or journal, I have this. It’s helpful to remember milestones, sure. But it also causes me to actually pause and reflect on their little personalities and what I love about them (and also what drive me up the wall).

#LUQMANRAIMI

My firstborn. It's just so hard to believe that he's the same baby I pushed out from my womb 6 years ago. What's even hard to believe is that he is all grown up and acting like he doesn't need his Ummi anymore *sobs* But, he is so dependable right now that more often than not, I secretly shed a tear behind his back, seeing how much he can do. There are times when he made me lose my patience (still do) and made me one green mum, but he is always the ice that cools me down too. Oh, my little boy. It warms my heart seeing how eager you are in helping me out in the kitchen, helping me with the dishes, keeping Fatima company and making her laugh when I had to complete other chores. I could go on and on about you, dear Luqman, but I guess one thing is clear -- you bring out the best of me and your father because you're our first 'teacher' on parenting.

#SORAYAADEENA

Our secondborn. Ahh, Adeena -- the clown of the family. You have grown to become such a lovely young girl although deep down you're also quite fiery. Who would have thought you'd be such an independent little girl, one who blends very well with her surroundings and most importantly you passed your toilet training quite easily I must say! Adeena is more musically-inclined as she is more into singing, rhyming, and acting (yes, acting!). She's sweet and silly (haha) when she's not driving us up the wall. Adeena, you're such a joy to be with and I know you bring happiness to the people around you, too.

#FATIMAEILIYAH

Our youngest. 9 months have passed since she said hello to the world. Now, she is really starting to know what she wants – and she may scream in annoyance if you take it away. Yerp, that's her! She's now babbling -- which is so cute! She is also cruising, standing up and holding on to furnitures -- can't really let her off my eyes, really. Fear of her falling down. Fatima is also responding happily to gestures, especially if it is her Abang Luqman playing with her. And, she has lose so much of her baby fat once she's mobile. As for now, Fatima has started to recognize people around her and when we're at home, she'll cling to me like a koala and that's exhausted enough, if you ask!

I often look at my children and think that I’m totally undeserving. I say, Why has God given me so much? (this task is too big) and sometimes I say, Why has God given me so much? (these gifts are too beautiful.) Why has he entrusted these little souls to me? The responsibility of being their mother is bigger than any goal I could set for myself. I know I was created to be a wife and mother. Parenting pierces our hearts, but I know every time I feel like giving-up, I take a look at my babies and thank Him over and over for such priceless gifts.

My husband always remind me that these gifts are our path to heaven. No matter how struggling we are, and how much our kids make us feel like we're better off jumping down a cliff, parenthood asks for us to be selfless to lose our self-interest. Love itself is a verb -- and it is always sacrificial.

Celebrating Fatima and Ashman

As with our two previous children, we also hosted the aqiqah ceremony for Fatima to celebrate her birth. It's always anticipated by us because it is also a time for family gathering and a good feast (kambing golek, you feeling me? haha)

My parents have been so generous to offer their place as the venue for Fatima's aqiqah. So, on the 21st of May (after about a month plus), the event was held together with a majlis kesyukuran and tahlil.

It was just a simple event to celebrate her birth and also Ashman, my nephew. It was also my first meeting with relatives and close friends after my confinement so I felt truly excited. 

The Harun clan

Our three little precious :)

With my in-laws 

The cousins from my husband's side

The celebrated little lady :)

Fatima was being such a gem as she wasn't cranky and she slept the entire time; even when she's being passed from one person to the other. She slept soundly in the cot so I took the opportunity to mingle and meet with the guests, many of whom I have been dying to meet. Alhamdulillah, the event was a success. Food was awesome and I personally had a wonderful time.

One for the album 

Then, 2 weeks later it was my nephew's aqiqah, held at my sister's parents-in-laws' place. Another event anticipated because, well, there's food ( kambing golek!!) and also because their family decided to do the berendoi and the shaving of the hair. 

The so-called berendoi dais

TMAZ - Tun Muhamad Ashman Zulkarnain

The new proud parents with their baby, after the head-shaving ceremony

Food was great and everything went well despite the heat. Ashman behaved, too, the entire time especially during the head-shaving ceremony by the ustaz. 

More pictures taken :

*Luqman's missing coz he was sleeping at the time this photo was taken*

And, these two little munchkins were the most tired ones haha 

Ashman and Fatima

 Having a child is a great blessing from Allah so performing aqiqah is a way of being thankful. Besides, hosting a ceremony also is another purpose to invite family and friends to the blessed occasion where food and meat are served. At the end of the day, no matter how you decide to host the event or how you want to perform your aqiqah, it always comes back to the basic; that aqiqah is sunnah and also a sadaqah.

Get well soon

It's that time again when sleep is an evaporated matter and your sick child (baby) with an elevated temperature is the real deal. I am worried sick of my Fatima because she's been suffering from a fever for three days now. 

Couldn't believe that my baby who is hardly 2 months could be infected with this viral fever. It's the worst part of parenting I must say - knowing your child is sick and you can only do as much to make him/her feel better. *sigh*

It breaks my heart to see Fatima suffering from the fever. She is still a baby! It's the last thing I want to witness because whatever pain and queasiness she is feeling, I am feeling it twice. And like all parents, I wish the pain is mine. 

I just hope and pray hard that come tomorrow she'll at least have a normal temperature and a better well-being. 

God, give me strength for the day and shine me the light for the way.

Please make du'a for my Fatima, too. 

Get well soon, baby girl.

A life's begun

After 39 weeks and 5 days of growing my baby, an overnight of battling contractions, and an hour of giving birth, our little girl was finally born. 

It's the moment that we've all been anticipating for. Despite the exhaustion and the emotional wreck I have been, I can say that both my husband and I have never felt so happy, too. 

As we held our newborn, the realisation that we are responsible for this precious new life can feel daunting. We feel like we're new parents once again. The first few days were quite overwhelming and hectic so to speak. I remember feeling a little bit weepy - a combination of raging hormones and exhaustion - and I wasn't feeling all that elated every minute of the day. Fast forward to another 2 weeks, I am spending the time of my baby's life in an exhausted but happy haze. In between feeds (lotsa of 'em! I forgot how much a newborn is attached to your boobs) nappy changes, and her around-the-clock schedule, we are indeed excited with our bundle of joy (it is still very surreal, really).

Though it's our number three, we're still grappling and at times overwhelmed by the responsibility. Alhamdulillah, we get lots of support and help from both our families. I really owe my mom and husband for helping and supporting me so that I get sufficient rest to care for the new baby. Also, seeing my husband handling the day-to-day chores and trying hard to keep the house (and all of us) together reminds me why I love him in the first place. 

I will definitely blog about my labour story. Like I have mentioned before, I didn't know what to expect this time around, and as it turned out, it was something different altogether. As they say, third time's a charm!

For now, meet our little girl, Fatima Eiliyah, named after Prophet Muhammad's (SAW) daughter. May she grow to become someone beautiful, calm and serene and loved by Allah -- as what Eiliyah is supposed to mean. Amin, insyaAllah.

Just a few minutes after she was out from the womb

Looking a lot like Abang Luqman

Luqman and Adeena meeting Fatima for the very first time :)

As for now, wish us luck! We hope to survive the bleary-eyed days and get our sleep back probably soon. NOT.

Almost there

It's hard to believe that I am already at my 39th week when it just felt like yesterday when we found out I was expecting. I'm in the homestretch! The anxiety, fear, and excitement are kinda overwhelming I would say. 

39 weeks pregnant me and my 34 weeks pregnant sister.

I am at that stage where everything is just not comfortable anymore. Sleeping at night is such a chore - tossing and turning to find the right position. I walk like a penguin at the rate of a gliding snail. Pregnancy at 39 weeks also means that I am always attuned to any signs of labor, which is quite scary. Yes, I am scared. Ohh, the contraction, the ultimate pain *shudders* 

It's the waiting game! And it's killing me. A little tiring don't you think? Since both my kids made their debut exactly at 40 weeks (Luqman on his EDD and Adeena came out a day earlier),I should expect the same with the third one, no? Hopefully. 

My kids have been asking the same question every single day on when is the baby coming out while rubbing and kissing my tummy. It's cute when Adeena tries to make conversation with her younger sibling in the tummy. 

We try to spend quality time as much as we can as a family now, knowing that after delivery, my focus will be shifted ultimately on the baby. I really hope that Luqman and Adeena will be able to understand later and not feel that detachment. 

I'm sure they'll be over the moon when the baby arrives hehe

For now, I would say preparation is almost 85% complete. However, I just can't get started on packing my hospital bag I just don't know why. Terrible I know. At this point of time, that bag should already be in the car when in reality it is still empty somewhere in my wardrobe. I hope I still have time.

Work wise, I didn't plan on taking leaves earlier and just continue to go to work until the end (just like my previous pregnancies) but on second thought (well, just two days ago actually), I decided to start resting this coming Wednesday. The doctor agrees and hopefully I'll get to relish the peaceful me-time three days prior to my due date. I already made mental plans on what I should be doing on that three days. So looking forward!

While I should be getting ready to celebrate, I actually dread the prospect of having to deliver a baby *cold sweat*. Please pray for me. Please pray that I would be calm and okay and that I will get through this delivery day fears. Who knows, the next time I post something here, my baby is already home :)

Magical love

There's just something magical about grandparents when it comes to their grandchildren. It's a bond like no other - the unconditional love. 

Whenever I see my parents with my kids, I wonder why weren't they the way they are right now when they were with us many many yeas ago? I guess it's because of their new role which doesn't put any pressure on them as parents. They can just enjoy their grandchildren for who they are.

 This laidback, joyful freedom way of handling kids, I presume, is why most grandchildren love their grandparents so much. I mean it's true right? With Atok and Nanny or Wan, it is so much fun because they seem to get away with pretty much everything; especially when it comes to food and gadgets. While I used to get all tense and uncomfortable because of this discipline-out-of-the-window thingy, I have come to learn to just let it go. After all, I don't want to be the 'party pooper', do I? Bukannya selalu. But of course, the line is drawn and some things have been made clear and we're all good.

Today, it's no surprise that grandparents' involvement in our kids' lives is even more important. It's comforting to know that there are other adults who love our children and are definitely looking out for them. In times of difficulties, my husband and I can never be more grateful that both our parents are just a call away and they can help take some of the pressure off us. 

While some might not agree with the involvement of the grandparents, I guess deep down we all do want some of it. Just not in a judgmental, meddling way but more to a loving and supportive way. 

Let's face it. Grandparents are VIPs -  at least to my kids. When they're with Atok and Nanny or Wan, we're forgotten! Haha They'll tell us how it is so much fun with their grandparents that sometimes I tend to think we're going to lose! However, upon seeing how smitten they are with their grandchildren, how they coo on very photos and the way their eyes lit when Luqman and Adeena entertain them with their antics, it gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling. 

And I smile thinking how lucky my kids are to have such loving and doting grandparents who don't need much to feel special; they already are special the moment their grandchildren were born :)

Throwback(s)

The last few months of last year were filled with meaningful personal events. They were definitely moments to remember and which made 2014 an eventful year.

(This is not really chronologically arranged, fyi)

***

In October, it was my birthday. I turned 29 on the 4th and what great way to celebrate it other than with my loved ones, as always. It was nothing fancy, just a small gathering over lunch at FiqsGastronomy in Subang Jaya (a must try, people!). I loved the place, the ambience, the food. I remember feeling overwhelmed with so much love on that day that nothing else mattered; not even when my kids decided to be cranky and all testing. I was a happy lady :)

It was also a double celebration; an early one for my brother who was back for the weekend. At the end of the day, we're all high on endless laughters, happiness and that out-of-this-world Red Velvet Cake!

 Then, it was Luqman's school concert - one event that I had been eagerly waiting for (overly excited mum, as usual). Since he's in the Playgroup class, his performance was a fashion show on Jobs and Occupations. He had to be a Fireman. We went high and low looking for his costume and managed to get one pretty much in the last minute. 

Anyway, despite the fact that Luqman actually cried on stage (out of fear or overwhelm or maybe both) on that auspicious day and most of his pictures captured looked as if he's better off somewhere (haha), we were swelled with pride! We're elevated! I actually had tears in my eyes (emo mum, expected). To see our firstborn on stage for the first time was just heartwarming.

 During his performance

 One for the album!

November hosted a few meaningful events, too. 

First, it was our dearest friend and homie's lovely day, Farhana's wedding. I can never begin to express how happy I am for her. It was such a beautiful union and reception and a gathering of loved ones, no doubt. 

Farhana, may your marriage lasts until Jannah and you deserve the happiness :)

 All of us, the usual suspects (two not in the picture) in our another themed colour outfits - something we like to do in most occasions, really hehe

Another delightful news in this month was that my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby girl, her second born. It was a long wait finally over, given her unfit condition and a few false labours in between. Alhamdulillah, Nur Khadeejah is definitely a heavenly gift from Allah. We couldn't be happier with another addition to the family. 

One-day young Khadeejah with her excited mum and aunties :)

Last November also marked our 4th marriage anniversary. We just went out for dinner with the kids and that's as far as how the day was celebrated.  I am just so thankful that we have made it this far. Looking back, it is just surreal that we're in an amazing journey together, sharing the highs and the lows. Not forgetting those fiery moments which mostly stirred by yours truly (ehem!) and handled very professionally (so to speak) by the hubby. 

Thank you for everything. And yes, I'd definitely be lost without you. 

4 years ago, on our honeymoon :)

Us, today.

This next event is probably the highlight of the year for our family. My sister's engagement was something that we have foreseen and anticipated, but not sooner than expected! I remember all of us were palpitating (so to speak) and my mum almost went frantic when the other family decided to immediate the event. With the time spared, preparation was made (and we pulled it off satisfactorily, if I may add) and the day couldn't get any lovelier.

Can't believe my baby sister is tying the knot soon *lump in throat*

Hats off to my mum, who did 85% of the prep single-handedly (so cekap, I know!) and almost everyone loved everything about the ceremony. 

December came and it was Luqman's 3rd birthday. 

We went for an outing; a day planned with so much fun for the celebrated boy. We brought him and his sister to KizSports and Gym at Main Place Mall, Subang for a few hours of fun and physical excitement of running around the place without confinement, cruising down the slides countless of times, and pretty much having the time of their lives. We couldn't keep up with his amazing level of energy so we just let him run free as the playland is relatively safe. It is mainly padded and netted all around. Suffice to say, Luqman was ecstatic! 

Then, we had our lunch at Wondermilk, Citta Mall. That's when another surprise awaited him. Little did he know that his grandparents would be there, and his Maksu and Uncle Nain, too, boring gifts that later made him the happiest boy on earth. Wished Uncle Farouk was there but he wasn't back for the weekend, sadly.

Happy 3rd Birthday Luqman! (though technically you're supposed to be four haha). Our prayers are always with you. We love you so much you have no idea!

***

So there. Some of the highlights shared.

Looking forward for more eventful ones this year, with a major occasion's a definite. Yerp, it's my sister's wedding, which we're practically running around now getting things done. 

9/11

While the world will always remember the 9/11 attacks, I will forever remember this date as the day when Luqman was successfully weaned off. 

Yes, like finally.

It was emotional. The tears mostly came from me, especially after he had gone to sleep crying. It was during the silence of the night, with him curled up next to me that I realised the finality of that particular relationship of ours. 

The drama was just that night. Colgate did the trick, much to my surprise. The next day, he did ask for a feed but I told him it's going to be minty hot just like yesterday and he responded with a head shake. And the rest was history. Alhamdulillah, Allah had made it easy for both of us.

I still feel a little sad whenever I see him, especially when he's sleeping. But I have to tell you, the aftermath of weaning off your toddler is so so liberating! At the same time, you sort of witness him grow to be more independent and the big brother traits seem to shine even more. Alhamdulillah! Couldn't be more happier. 

And I can now concentrate more on Adeena. 

To Luqman, 

Thank you. And that's all I have to say :)

Ummi loves you so much.

A Birthday Wish

Dear Soraya Adeena,

I still couldn't believe that you've turned one. I feel like time is playing tricks on me. You grow right before my eyes, yet I feel like you're that newborn I first held when I pushed you out of my womb. 

I didn't know then what a challenge having two kids would be, how it is never the same as having just one child to focus on. I didn't know that I would spend most of the next year exhausted, cranky and not as a wonderful mother I would love to be. 

Sometimes, I feel guilty for not being able to give you my attention; what with having to handle your brother at the same time. And in those moments of frustrations and tiredness, I have to constantly remind myself that I am just another mother trying my hardest to be the very best.

I will  never forget the smiles, the gurgles and the eagerness you've always shown in my presence. The shimmer of your eyes and that beautiful sparkle will always melt my heart. You're that star that will always shine our lives. 

My beautiful baby girl,

Despite our ups and downs, the screaming, the madness, the tears and the laughters, I still would not have it any other way. You will always be our precious one.

I will always love you will all my heart. May our days be filled with so much happiness and may we grow in closeness. May you forgive me for not giving you the things that you deserve and may you love me back despite my failings and weaknesses. My prayers will always be with you, Adeena.

Happy 1st Birthday Little Girl!

 

Love,

Your Imperfect Ummi.

Luqman's allergy test

A few weeks back, my husband and I were alarmed by those red blotches that suddenly appeared on Luqman's skin. Having never to deal with such situation before, I, for the most part, was scared to death. To me, those blotches were just terrible and from the way Luqman's been scratching the spots, I can only imagine the itchiness felt. 

We didn't go to the clinic immediately. We took off his pyjamas, bathed him in cold water, patted him to dry and applied some virgin coconut oil all over his body before putting on his pyjamas back. The redness subsided within 30 minutes but from our monitoring that night, those blotches seemed to appear at some other spots on his skin. We had to be on the lookout throughout the night just so Luqman doesn't scratch himself. The next morning, his skin was clear, much to our relief. However, within the next few days, the redness came and went, but it wasn't as severe.

We were just clueless. It wasn't his eczema attacking because the symptoms weren't so. As much as I hate to admit it, I voiced it to my husband, that Luqman's skin is probably reacting due to some allergies. We did bring him to the clinic and showed the doctor the pictures we took of the redness (because there weren't any on his skin at that time), and both doctors confirmed that it is due to allergic. 

ALLERGIC. One word enough to make my heart dropped. Dealing with his eczema is already challenging enough, and now this? My husband was more positive on his outlook by saying that it is probably not that bad.

 So after our visit to his paediatrician, we decided to end the teka-teki and booked an appointment for a skin prick test to determine his allergy. Luckily for us, Luqman's paed is also an allergy expert who does research in that field. He was the one who suggested for Luqman to take the test.

So last Wednesday was the day.

I was all ready but at the same time nervous. Luqman was being his usual active self but I knew things will change once we are in the room. And I was right. At the call of our number and upon entering the paed's room, Luqman actually stopped and said no. To him, entering that room meant a 'gift' is on the way. Little did he know, he will be getting 16 pricks that day *tsskk!*

My husband carried him inside and he held onto him like it's his life he's holding on to. He refused to look at the doctor at all and as a mother, it was enough to shatter my emotion. 

 When we took of his shirt, his mouth started to shiver and his grip got stronger. 

Anyway, a little bit about this prick test. It is a test where 16 allergens will be applied on the back of the body. Prior to this test, no medicine especially flu and cough syrup to be consumed so as to validate the test. Once the allergens are applied, each one will be pricked so that the allergens can react to the body. Which ever allergens showed redness and the skin is elevated, that means one is allergic to that allergen. 

The back of Luqman was numbered so that the allergens will be easily identified. He didn't let go of his grip throughout the time.

I mean, who wouldn't right? His cries were just heart wrenching but they stopped once the doctor was done with the test. I have to say, our Luqman is one strong boy. He aced it even if his cries were just a show haha I guess it's the fear of having someone taking charge, not so much of the pain.

We had to wait for about 20 minutes after that to see the results. My heart drummed so loud I could literally feel my chest thumping. When the time finally arrived, as expected, Luqman refused to go into the room again haha This time, it was me he clanged onto. 

When the paed took a look at his back, he confirmed that yes, Luqman is indeed allergic to two things :

Who would have thought??? All these while we were pretty sure that he's allergic to dust mites.

My mind immediately transported to that time when the redness suddenly appeared. I didn't think I had consumed crab or peanut that day or the day prior that could have triggered his allergy, but such test won't lie doesn't it?

So there. Now that we know the cause, we know how to rectify the problem. Anything peanuts and coloured seafood are to be avoided by me (as long as I am still bf-ing him) and Luqman. The paed also mentioned that these allergens might have triggered his eczema, too. But because Luqman has sensitive skin, a minor bite can cause a terrible swelling and redness; papular urticaria (I have talked about his type of eczema before). However, his allergy is nothing too serious. Just a mild one but it is worth taken care of so as not to land him in a worse condition. We were also advised to do this test annually up until he is 6 years old just to check whether or not his allergy gets better or worse. 

For now, everything seems to be good. But the scorching hot weather these days kinda takes a toll on his skin. The heat causes him to sweat, and the sweat causes itchiness on certain parts of his skin that in turn makes him scratch and the end result is redness. Poor boy. We have to constantly apply moisturiser to lock the moisture on his skin so that the dryness can be avoided.

To those of you who think that your kid might be allergic or is constantly sick, down with flu and what not, I'd suggest you take this skin prick test. Your kid might be allergic to something. Even if he is not, there's nothing to lose if the test comes out negative. At least, you have one thing to be relieved about.

Of tests and rewards

It saddens me to know that most of my friends' kids are down with sickness - it's the season, they say. I certainly understand the despair felt, the constant worry that lingers, and that hopeful feeling everyday wishing they would recover immediately.

As the mother, one has to be in strong and good spirit to make sure that her kid(s) are doing okay at the same time getting all the support she needs from her other half. However, at times, the strength needs to be doubled and sometimes tripled when her husband is sick himself. Been there, done that. It was definitely a testing phase for me, having to care for my sick child and also attend to my husband who was down with fever at the same time. And I was during my confinement period, to add to that. I was, indeed in the brink of breaking. If it wasn't for my strength and Allah's mercy, I would have lost my sanity.

What I have learnt is that, just when you thought you don't have anyone around you to lean on, to have their support, we forget that Allah is always with us. He tests us because He wants us to rely on Him, and trust Him that he will make everything okay. 

And I also learnt that He is the best companion in times we need a shoulder to cry on, because in the end He is the one that we will eventually turn to. He doesn't judge and our pouring is best kept secret. 

Whenever I feel like everything is just too much too handle, when things are just too overwhelming, I instantly know that He is watching and He is actually assessing my reaction. This helps me to regain my composure and contain my feelings so as not to act compulsively which in turn will make me weep in regret.

Having small kids, is no doubt the best test of all. And they are our best teacher,  teaching us values and pushing us to give our best and be the best not just to their eyes, but also His.

I pray that all of us mums, will be granted that patience needed, the strength to carry on our amanah dutifully and always be the best that we can. 

Do it for our kids and do it for Him, insyaAllah.

Hang in there, friends because indeed, we are all on the road to collecting Jannah points and rewards, insyaAllah!

Blissful

"The whole point of the week is the weekend"

My weekend kickstarted early. I was already on holiday since Thursday *yeayy!*

I can never begin to express how grateful I am for this long Chinese New Year break. It's the break that I have been looking forward to just because I can spend time with my little family in our occasional boredom activity hehe

We had no plans for a quick getaway either as we decided to just laze around and carpe diem. 

It's time like these that we have the time to really really spend in quality with our kids, without disruption and no obligations. 

It's time like these that snuggling in bed in the morning has never been better and that taking a shower can wait.

It's time like these that doing nothing is actually something, when you have your loved ones around you.

And it's time like these that is most crucial to remind you that yes, indeed, you are lucky to have such a priceless gift of all, a FAMILY.

Blissful :)