I try not to be too stressed out for it's only the second month of the year. But I have a whole lot of reasons to be. Of course, as many of you could have guessed, it's school-related. What else.
I'd like to think that my school (although many refer to it as one at its comfort zone) is neglected. We are short of more than ten teachers and every year this seems to be the case. What more quite a number of teachers were granted their transfers last year (all of them teaching critical subjects), the school is pretty much...lost. I don't know what is the issue, but every other secondary school in the Klang district seems to be getting new teachers (GSST not GSTT) but us. It's really frustrating because for one, teachers (read : we) are getting more reliefs despite the already suffocating timetable, and second, classes are left with no subject teachers, still. It's really worrying because part of our performance in the public examinations is a result of not having enough teachers, especially for critical subjects like Mathematics, BM, and Science. While I should be thankful with the number of GSTTs coming in and out every year, I cannot help but have this tinge of pessimism in me. Thinking about it is quite stressful, really.
Because there are shortage of teachers, then there is the work which comes in abundance. Don't even get me started on this. We can't avoid the workload because no matter how much we complain, how much we try to avoid, we still have to embrace it because at the end of the day, there is no one else, but you. Posts are being thrown to teachers to fill in the "vacancy". Some teachers who are holding important posts in school still have to be class teachers. You see, being a class teacher is very demanding on its own. To have other posts combined, you're winner if you manage to keep yourself together all the time. I know I've lost it some time ago, but that was when I was just a class teacher. And right now, I have to deal with it on my own. Stressful, much?
To make it even "tragic", our Headmistress just retired last year so the school had lost its wing, if you could call it that way. The first month, to me,was quite chaotic. I think all of us took the blame because it's a team effort. We cannot blame solely on the administration. Despite the scars our previous HM left us with, I still think she's a great HM. An iron lady that she was, we got used to her way of working that our performance in the previous PMR increased notches than before and the school got its revamp of some kind. No matter how hard she's been to me and the rest, there's this fondness that I've developed for her. And because she's also my first 'Big Boss', she's set that benchmark for the next HM to come, which, is my nex tstress-issue.
Ever since the new HM set foot to our school, I have never once been able to really meet her. I've been away quite a lot and on days when she decided to have meetings with the teachers, I won't be around. So I've heard a lot about her. Everybody is grateful that she is nothing like our previous HM (kebajikan akan terjaga, alhamdulillah), but I personally think when you are being really nice to people and you don't show you're the boss, people will absolutely take you for granted. I noticed that more and more teachers are simply taking CRKs for reasons unbeknown to me and MCs. Not that I am a nosy person, but if you are really a responsible person (teacher) you would think twice to do so since the school is already having shortage of teachers. Now that some teachers decided to take leave, the remaining teachers in school are the relief coolies, who else. Quite stressful, don't you think?
If there's one thing my previous HM had taught me well, it is not to be selfish and no matter what happens, we have to serve our clients well. And the clients being our students. So my point is, I'm stressed out thinking that my current HM won't be as strict and effective as the one before, especially in terms of attendance and teaching.
I think too much ke? Over concern kot. Am I the only one? At least I've let it out. I write more when I'm stressed.
Despite that all, I'm thankful that I have great colleagues who have never stopped helping each other. I'm thankful that my students can light up my day with their silly jokes. And I'm thankful that I am still alive to serve my students in humility and torch their hearts with knowledge that Allah has given me.
Thank you for reading :)
