Masters Degree

I was happily whatsapping with my girlfriends the other day until the serious topic of furthering our studies came up. Some of us already have their Masters, some are pursuing, one just got her offer and we were informed that one of our friends is already a PhD holder!

I realised that most of us do have that good intention to do so but I guess we  don't have enough determination to proceed. More often than not, family is now our priority. Even our current job falls to number two. No denying. Besides, school work is already taking most of our time that to continue studying at the same time seems too impossible. 

Of course, one of us pointed out that our niat (intention) is important, too. It determines everything. In all honesty, my pursuing my Masters would be solely for the purpose of personal achievement and satisfaction. And then I would be thinking of the opportunity that might knock on my door if I already have that other scroll.

I know I have talked about this before and it will be something that will always pop up in my head, in my life plan jerking its head as if wanting me to pay attention to it and take action. Until then, it will not leave. 

So we all discussed, asked those who are already on their track, etc and as it turns out, I have most of the criteria needed to apply! We are talking about HLP here (Hadiah Latihan Persekutuan) and Cuti Belajar Bergaji Penuh Tanpa Biasiswa. How come I was so ignorant! It was indeed a heated and informative discussion and it left me feeling so excited and determined!

But of course, this needs proper planning and discussion with le hubby. My family still tops the list and I have to admit, everytime I look at my kids, my heart dropped a little and instantly I am swamped with worries and the what-ifs. 

This time around, I told my husband that I HAVE to make this work. I just have to. InsyaAllah! After all, when there is a will, there is always ALWAYS a way. Gosh, now I am all excited again!

Then, one of our friends' response actually got me laughing and feeling proud. I think all of us felt the same way. It was :

"Hurmm, I think I will just stick to my Masters la. Masters in Child Care and Home Management!"

LOL! How true! Now that is automatically earned once you're a mom and that is absolutely more worth it, don't you think? :)

Happy 7 months

I remember the day my daughter was brought into the world. When the nurse gave her to me fresh out of the womb for our first skin-to-skin interaction, I took a peek at her thought to myself how she bore the resemblance to his brother. But I knew, she would be different and special in her own graceful way.

And yes indeed she is.

Soraya Adeena, from her early days, wasn't that difficult to take care of. For the most part, she was 'quieter' than his brother used to be and such a soft baby where her cries and coos are concerned. It was difficult not to fall in love with her, despite her small frame and light weight. When we were admitted due to her increased reading of jaundice, I swear it was the toughest 3 days I had to endure but it was the most beautiful moment spent as she was with me 24/7. I could feel the bond was so strong that throughout the days we were warded, she was all I could think of.

As a mother, I think the connection with my daughter is just amazing. I don't quite know how to express it but subhanallah, it is beautiful. When we looked into each other's eyes, I know she is telling me that 'Ummi, I need you and I love you". I just knew it. Her body gestures, her smiles, her chuckles are so bewitching! And the times when she would move slowly towards me in her sleep, put her cute little fingers on my arm as if reassuring me that 'Ummi, I am here don't you worry'. And how she would start her little whines as a sign she wants to be fed. MashaAllah, such are Allah's amazing gifts!

I could go on and on about my precious daughter but obviously I won't because they might not be of interest to some of you (hehe). And I, by no means are showing off as these are written out of love and for the sole purpose of sharing. 

What I am trying to get at is that, 7 months have passed from her being a helpless little infant to a perfect, healthy, beautiful baby who is progressing very well mashaAllah! Everyday is a discovery and I look forward to each achievement with so much eagerness.

Soraya Adeena, happy 7 months baby girl! Ummi and ayah and abang Luqman love you so much you have no idea. Thanks for making me a mum and thanks for changing my perspective and being. And thanks for letting me know that love knows no boundaries and sacrifice is my utmost priority. 

 

May you continue to grow a good muslimah herein and hereafter and a star that shines everyone's lives in goodness insyaAllah!

Doa Ummi tak pernah putus untuk Adeena and Luqman :)

 

Story of the heart

The past few weeks have been quite tough on me, emotionally. 

First, I had to endure the 5-day separation from my loved ones to attend a course. I still remember how empty and horrible it felt sleeping and waking up without them around. It almost brought me to tears having not to smell the familiar scent that I used to breathe-in. Luckily, the packed schedule helped me to fight back tears. The happening and friendly bunch of people there made me forget about home for a while and they were the reason I actually enjoyed my course.

Then on the day I returned home, my husband was already away for his Treasure Hunt activity which meant we missed seeing each other. He also spent the night at Gambang and only returned home the next day. Not having to see him for a week was quite sad and I was so emotional that I didn't get to seem him for another 2 days extended. Of course I had all the reasons to be so emotional. It's like my other wing was broken and I lost all spirit. 

The day after, he was scheduled for his work trip out of the country for 5 days more and I was totally under the weather. My heart cringed and I was fighting back tears. I didn't mind him going for outstation but not being able to see him back-to-back?? I've never had to deal with such long separation before so yes, it was too much for me to swallow.

I still struggled after all this time without my husband around. I have to admit, my kids tend to act out too whenever ayah is not around. And every fibre of my being was tested. I cried, maybe, a few times. But I chinned up and wiped it off because I know Allah loves me. He won't endow me something that I can't handle and I know He is building me to be stronger.

Throughout my husband's absence, I did a lot of reflection. I spent many nights alone, thinking and pondering about the things that I have done, about the kids, my marriage. I cried. I cried and I cried. And boy, I felt so relieved. (You see, when your spouse isn't with you the melancholic feeling tend to empower so everyday rasa nak feeling feeling)

From the way I see it, having to deal with the struggles, the separation and what not are Allah's show of love, subhanallah. Without struggles, I won't be strong. Without problems, I won't be smart. Without my kids testing my patience, I wouldn't know love. And Allah keeps on giving me even without me asking. Throughout those few weeks of being a single parent, too, our rezeki has been nothing short of generous. Despite the little hardships, I realised Allah has eased so many for me and my family that without his mercy, I wouldn't even want to think of how we'd survive. 

I remember greeting my husband at the door when he came back from his work trip that day feeling truly emotional. What initially was a negative rebellious kind of emotional feeling, it blossomed into something nicer. Beautiful even. Alhamdulillah syukur.

Sometimes, nikmat Allah dirasai dan disedari bila kita dalam kekurangan. And yes, absence does makes the heart grows fonder :)