a different kind of shopping

We went baby (window) shopping yesterday. We have started scouting for necessities now that I am 17 weeks pregnant. Well, let me just say that husband and myself were absolutely clueless as to what to get. We didn't even know where and how to begin with! We know the necessary stuffs but when there are just too many to choose from, a headache ensues. Let's not begin with the price. When you plan on having a baby, you are already venturing into a very expensive long-term investment. Not complaining, no. But it's like they always say, if you want the best you have to fork out more.

So, as I was saying, every item is not cheap. I was so shocked to discover that a basic breast pump set could cost up to a thousand ringgit! Of course, that comes with a good and established brand, but still, I didn't expect it to cost that much. Friends who are mummies keep on reminding me to invest on a good one, but I am still considering my options.

Then we moved on to strollers. We are planning on getting the 3in1 kind, in which the seat is portable. It can also be used as a car seat and a carry cot. Preferably reversible seat strollers for our convenience as I want the baby to face us when we push it. This is actually my favourite item so you could imagine how frustrated I was when we didn't find any that caught our eye. Some are just ridiculously pricey. It's okay, we still have more time to look for the perfect one. Hopefully we will get what we wished for.

Next, the baby cot. My sister-in-law suggested to get one that comes with a changing table. It will do you and the baby justice, she said. So we narrowed our search to that kind. Again, we didn't find any that look purchasable (because of its price and design). However, after seeing a changing table/cupboard being displayed, I am starting to consider its practicality. The below racks can be used for keeping all the baby necessities - pampers, lotions, oil, garments. So all the items would be kept nicely at one place and easy to get. With the attached wheels, I can easily wheel it anywhere I want and easy to store. And the price is not that expensive, too. That way, we can find a decent cot with a decent price. We have a few in mind, but like I said we are still considering our options.

So there. The main things which we aim to get for now. I am more keen on getting the pumps first because that's on top of the list. All the more reasons to look forward to this coming weekend for the Baby Expo. Can't wait!

p/s I now walk funny with a growing belly! ;)

The Y Generation

I don't know what seem to cause the silent commotion in my school, but every teacher I know has lost the drive these days. I have to admit, my school has gone from bad to worse - in terms of its discipline. It's like we are all on the edge, waiting for it to become even worst. Many of us just can't seem to be bothered because we have all tried our level best to combat this problem but to no avail. It's like they are out of control. And you know, a teacher can do as much but we all have our own baggage to carry.

The Y Generation. That's what we call them. The pampered lot, if you would like to call it. A generation that has transformed the way school nowadays work. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't students supposed to adhere to the school? But now schools have to cater to the way students are, which I think is the root of all evil. I'm getting sick of my Superior repeatedly saying "Students are not to be blamed. We are". When I first stepped into this profession, yes, I hold on to that reminder like it's my life I'm depending it on. But after being in school for almost 3 years, I have seen and experienced enough to discard it. The reminder makes me smirk.

I'm so fed-up with students who are so rude. Even rude doesn't seem appropriate to describe their state of being. They scream at you, call you names, say vulgar words right to your face and threaten to kill you even. They tease you just to see your limits and they are just reluctant to study. This is what I call pure evil. Memang jahat sejahatnya. It's not the teacher's fault that they act the way do, it's because that's how they are. Parents don't seem to care much, all they know is attack the school back once they are being called. Don't bother to sympathize or empathize if you have been teaching a Grade A daily school or a boarding school. They are all God-sent, your students. Even so, they might pose a problem of other sort.

And because of that we have been concentrating so much on curbing the discipline that our academic gets affected. It's detrimental. We can't even rise as this discipline problem seems to be our main agenda every single day. However, students are not much better. It's worrying, yes, but they have drained the best of us that we couldn't be bothered. To me, it's like talking to an empty vessel. Istiqamah is the key, but I am so tired already. So, we resort to being silent. Why should we when our venting always backfire?

It's an ordeal, trying to change a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly.

the first trimester

The 2 weeks holiday was very well-spent. If not, better. I had my necessary rest (I wish I had more time) and I think I did just that. What with my sickness taking quite a toll on me, I've never felt so good just lying around, watching tv and sleep, like most of the time. You have no idea how that just makes me feel like I'm in heaven on earth. So when school reopens, you'd expect how sulky I'd get and how I would dread Monday morning. No more waking up late and having breakfast in front of the tv. No more chilling around.

Only, that didn't exactly happen.

I received a call from school 2 days prior to school day, that I had to go to PPD for three days for the merging of exam data. I pumpfisted to the air and my husband raised an eyebrow for I used to dread going to PPD. I guess I wasn't ready for school at a time when I am still coping with my sickness which seems to come untimely. That scares me. What if I'm in the midst of teaching and I feel like vomitting and I don't make it to the toilet? What if I suddenly feel extremely exhausted that I couldn't even budge from my seat to go to class? And not to mention the frequent visits to the loo because my bladder can't seem to contain any second longer? And you know how tiring school can get.

So the 'trip' out of school was like a warming up for me. There were a couple of times while I was working there that the nausea hit like a wave. Thankfully I managed to ease myself and I think I frequent the loo there more than the permanent workers did in a month combined.

I realise that I got worse when I'm nearing the end of my first trimester. The first 2 months were smooth and I was starting to count my blessing when I vomitted for the first time. It was quite bad. That's how it all started. I vomit everyday now and I gag. And don't even start on my sleep. I rarely sleep well at night too. For some reasons, my nose is blocked the moment my head lands on the pillow. Everytime! I think my husband gets his first training of handling a 'baby' crying in the middle of the night, only this time it's a 'baby tua' he's dealing with. Yes, I cried because I couldn't breathe and I couldn't sleep. Sleep is very important to me, especially now. He had to console me to sleep and normally I'd forget how I did go back to sleep when I woke up the next day. Poor husband. I guess he's just as tired. But after a while, he would just let me be Haha

Apart from that, I'm battling to wake up in the morning. My body just wouldn't move and it aches, especially at the pelvic area as it is now expanding to support my expanding womb. I feel like an old lady, really. I have to move very slowly to avoid the pain. Sitting down for a long time gives the identical effect, too, which is why I sometimes walk around the house to ease the pain.

So, I went to school today. Alhamdulillah, I am starting to get a hang of it. But they said I didn't look too good. Yeah, anybody could tell, I guess. Thankfully my students behaved. They said they missed me, ha!

I guess I've finally got the taste of this sickness which my pregnant friends used to frequently whine. However, mine is just a tinge if compared to others' experience which are far worse. I'm hoping for a better 2nd trimester and a healthier feeling, InsyaAllah. Thank you Allah for giving me a chance to experience all this :)

the beginning

You know, when the thing that you've been praying for has been granted, it's almost too good to be true and you can only thank Him for the blessings He has given.

I will never forget the day when the double pink line appeared on the test stick. We were overhwhelmed with joy and the relief was something that can't be explained with words. Our prayers had been heard and granted. We are now expecting parents, insyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah, I'm now at my 10th week - 2 more weeks to go before the end of my first trimester. Wow, I still can't believe I'm carrying another being inside my womb. The scan last week left me and husband a little choked for we saw your beartbeat. You are now called a fetus, which means an "offspring". If that isn't exciting enough!

So far, pregnancy has been treating me good with the occasional nausea and gagging. I am so grateful that I don't have problem swallowing food, in fact I seem to have a ferocious appetite. It is quite disheartening seeing the numbers on the scale increase to numbers I've never reached before , but it's for a good cause (tsk!). I hope I don't put on too much weight in the months to come for I can't even fit my jeans at all, even when I'm still at my first trimester.

For the most part, I hope I could fight off the fatigue and sluggishness. When you've always exercised, you start feeling so unbelievably tired and all you want to do is to crawl into bed and lie down. I wish to continue with a gentler routine but not until I am truly stable and okay. I've read that paying attention to fitness is important as it offers plenty of benefits for pregnant women.

Everything is still surreal and everytime I reminisce that fateful day, I can only thank Him for such blessing. Alhamdulillah!

not anymore

I'm feeling a lot of things right now.

A whirlwind of emotions.

I keep questioning my rights and the validity of my actions.

I wonder why some people (read : you who causes me heartache) can be so heartless and so egoistic that friendship takes a backseat.

It annoys me that at 26, some people (read : you who causes me heartache) acts ridiculously. High school drama is so yesterday and I thought we're all over it already.

It just baffles me as to why some people (read : you who causes me heartache) are just so self-centered, they think they have to be pleased and attended to all the time, like they're some kind of a Queen.

I am done being the one who always makes the first move, trying to mend things when it should have been you. I thought you would have understood, but apparently you don't seem to get my gesture.

I don't care what happens now because I think our friendship has lost its genuineness. I don't know if your act has served its purpose, but thanks, I am truly affected by your doing - the coldness you've been giving- which you are truly good at. Bravo.

I promise not to let you get in the way because you have caused so much heartache not even a lover could have caused. Not anymore. I thought you're a friend, but apparently you're not even close to being one.

I'm just being me and too bad you can't accept that. Because I have long accepted the fact of who you are and you don't seem to appreciate my tolerance and others for that matter.

So long.

a new member

As of Saturday, I am an aunt. I am now a Mak Su!

Alhamdulillah, my sister-in-law gave birth to a cute baby boy who weighs 3.8kg.

He is named Muhammad Adam Irfan bin Abdul Razak.

Welcome to the world, sweetie pie! Mak Su can't wait to cuddle and kiss you :)

However, we weren't able to meet him yet as he was immediately quarantined after birth due to a suspected lung infection. Poor baby! Only parents are allowed in the NICU, so the above picture is courtesy of my brother-in-law.

Today, we were informed that the report states that his lung is clear of any infection but he still has to stay for further monitoring.

I hope everything will be okay and he gets to go home in a good condition. He's been away from his mum for days now and I know how my sister-in-law longs to cuddle her baby.

Our prayers are with you, Adam!

recently

I'll let the pictures do the talking ok?

@Almeera's cukur jambul, my cousin's daughter.

Chubby Almeera AzZahra

The best kambing golek! Yum!

Well-fed. Great food Kak Fira!
(pictures courtesy of Farouk, my brother)

@Tandoori, for dinner

A pose for the camera before completely being blown away by the scrumptious, exotic North Indian dishes. The best!

Still waiting for the pics from Shaf's wedding. Have a great day people!

i need to breathe

I have been anticipating for 29th of March to come because it would be the day when everything would end. It's the climax for all of the hard work and time poured, sacrifices made, and probably the 3 most hectic and emotional months of my (and other teachers') life.

Yesterday, the District Level Choral Speaking Competition and the District Level Marching Competition (GO) were held - in which both I am involved directly and which I am passionate about. I don't think I have juggled my work and duty the way I did for the past months because of this obligation and also because the competitions were held on the same day.

Unlike other schools, our school sent its choral speaking team to compete for the first time this year. I was put incharge and I took the responsibility humbly. I don't think I have been this committed. The fact that the students willingly cooperate was a definite boost and I don't really mind coming home almost 5.30pm every single schooling day, for the past 3 months. I'm telling you, it's not an easy task handling 31 students especially for something which they were not exposed to that much.

Well, we didn't win - much to my expectation. Convent secured first place, again, after so many years. But, it was such a great experience for the students as they got to see other schools performed. However, I'm really proud of them because they did really well and I'd like to think that we gave quite a competition. Definitely a school to watch out for, I promise!

On top of that, I had to also handle the marching platoons together with other teachers. Oh boy, as if it wasn't emotional and tiring enough. Our school was the host, so you could imagine the pressure.

So anyway, to cut it short, our KPA platoons both won second place - quite a comeback for the boys after not winning for 3 years in a row. I wasn't around to share the victory as I was out with the Choral Speaking team. It's relieving that all was well and I finally can take a breather.

Only that was not really the case. I received a call yesterday afternoon saying that I have to be in PPD for 5 freakin' days. Like, hello??? I just got back and I could do with a little rest and some time with my students. Going to PPD means coming home late, sedentary days facing the laptop 9-5, and a cluttered head. Dealing with exam data is not a walk in the park. It's resentful but I have no choice but to do it anyway. Yang menurut perintah kan?

Oh, I can't wait for this to end!

yesterday

I was supposed to meet up with Diyana and Ana for lunch yesterday at Mid Valley but the plan was cancelled at the 11th hour. Being the one who planned it, I was also the one who called it off.

Diyana texted me around 12pm (when we should already be meeting) that her Project Director just arrived and she can't leave until her boss leaves. And that could take hours. I, on the other hand, had to leave by 1.30pm. I texted Ana and found out she had to run some errands and estimated to arrive at our meeting place around 1-ish.

Considering how rushed everything would be, I decided that another lunch gathering would compensate this, especially when everybody would be around - even if it means having to wait for the upcoming school holidays. We could have met if I didn't have to follow such restricted timing. Sorry girls.

Since there was no more plan, I just had lunch with my mum, brother and sister who followed as they wanted to window-shop there.

On the way to The Gardens for lunch

While waiting for our Korean dishes @The Gardens' foodcourt
(pictures were Instragram-ed, an application my brother downloaded from iTunes. love how the pictures turned out to be very Polaroid-like)

And another one taken from last night's dinner,

@Nandos
(Heee, my husband is chubby kan? Everybody said so but him haha well, I think I'm gaining a few pounds too yikes!)

Happy Weekend, people!

a shot to the heart

I did my colleague a favor a few days ago by taking over her extra class. Later that evening, she texted me asking how did the class go.

Her : Tasha, how was it? Did the kids respond to you, tell me if they didn't.
Me : It went well. I did writing with them. Don't worry.
Her : Worried about you, not them.

I was honestly taken aback. Her reply was nothing I expected and it took me awhile to really understand what she really meant (in which I didn't until now). Was she concerned that I wasn't capable of handling her class, which she passed to me in the first place? If she did, I don't think she should have said something as hurtful as that, should she?

All I'm getting is just negativity out of her message. A thank you would have been nice.