the first trimester

The 2 weeks holiday was very well-spent. If not, better. I had my necessary rest (I wish I had more time) and I think I did just that. What with my sickness taking quite a toll on me, I've never felt so good just lying around, watching tv and sleep, like most of the time. You have no idea how that just makes me feel like I'm in heaven on earth. So when school reopens, you'd expect how sulky I'd get and how I would dread Monday morning. No more waking up late and having breakfast in front of the tv. No more chilling around.

Only, that didn't exactly happen.

I received a call from school 2 days prior to school day, that I had to go to PPD for three days for the merging of exam data. I pumpfisted to the air and my husband raised an eyebrow for I used to dread going to PPD. I guess I wasn't ready for school at a time when I am still coping with my sickness which seems to come untimely. That scares me. What if I'm in the midst of teaching and I feel like vomitting and I don't make it to the toilet? What if I suddenly feel extremely exhausted that I couldn't even budge from my seat to go to class? And not to mention the frequent visits to the loo because my bladder can't seem to contain any second longer? And you know how tiring school can get.

So the 'trip' out of school was like a warming up for me. There were a couple of times while I was working there that the nausea hit like a wave. Thankfully I managed to ease myself and I think I frequent the loo there more than the permanent workers did in a month combined.

I realise that I got worse when I'm nearing the end of my first trimester. The first 2 months were smooth and I was starting to count my blessing when I vomitted for the first time. It was quite bad. That's how it all started. I vomit everyday now and I gag. And don't even start on my sleep. I rarely sleep well at night too. For some reasons, my nose is blocked the moment my head lands on the pillow. Everytime! I think my husband gets his first training of handling a 'baby' crying in the middle of the night, only this time it's a 'baby tua' he's dealing with. Yes, I cried because I couldn't breathe and I couldn't sleep. Sleep is very important to me, especially now. He had to console me to sleep and normally I'd forget how I did go back to sleep when I woke up the next day. Poor husband. I guess he's just as tired. But after a while, he would just let me be Haha

Apart from that, I'm battling to wake up in the morning. My body just wouldn't move and it aches, especially at the pelvic area as it is now expanding to support my expanding womb. I feel like an old lady, really. I have to move very slowly to avoid the pain. Sitting down for a long time gives the identical effect, too, which is why I sometimes walk around the house to ease the pain.

So, I went to school today. Alhamdulillah, I am starting to get a hang of it. But they said I didn't look too good. Yeah, anybody could tell, I guess. Thankfully my students behaved. They said they missed me, ha!

I guess I've finally got the taste of this sickness which my pregnant friends used to frequently whine. However, mine is just a tinge if compared to others' experience which are far worse. I'm hoping for a better 2nd trimester and a healthier feeling, InsyaAllah. Thank you Allah for giving me a chance to experience all this :)

the beginning

You know, when the thing that you've been praying for has been granted, it's almost too good to be true and you can only thank Him for the blessings He has given.

I will never forget the day when the double pink line appeared on the test stick. We were overhwhelmed with joy and the relief was something that can't be explained with words. Our prayers had been heard and granted. We are now expecting parents, insyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah, I'm now at my 10th week - 2 more weeks to go before the end of my first trimester. Wow, I still can't believe I'm carrying another being inside my womb. The scan last week left me and husband a little choked for we saw your beartbeat. You are now called a fetus, which means an "offspring". If that isn't exciting enough!

So far, pregnancy has been treating me good with the occasional nausea and gagging. I am so grateful that I don't have problem swallowing food, in fact I seem to have a ferocious appetite. It is quite disheartening seeing the numbers on the scale increase to numbers I've never reached before , but it's for a good cause (tsk!). I hope I don't put on too much weight in the months to come for I can't even fit my jeans at all, even when I'm still at my first trimester.

For the most part, I hope I could fight off the fatigue and sluggishness. When you've always exercised, you start feeling so unbelievably tired and all you want to do is to crawl into bed and lie down. I wish to continue with a gentler routine but not until I am truly stable and okay. I've read that paying attention to fitness is important as it offers plenty of benefits for pregnant women.

Everything is still surreal and everytime I reminisce that fateful day, I can only thank Him for such blessing. Alhamdulillah!

not anymore

I'm feeling a lot of things right now.

A whirlwind of emotions.

I keep questioning my rights and the validity of my actions.

I wonder why some people (read : you who causes me heartache) can be so heartless and so egoistic that friendship takes a backseat.

It annoys me that at 26, some people (read : you who causes me heartache) acts ridiculously. High school drama is so yesterday and I thought we're all over it already.

It just baffles me as to why some people (read : you who causes me heartache) are just so self-centered, they think they have to be pleased and attended to all the time, like they're some kind of a Queen.

I am done being the one who always makes the first move, trying to mend things when it should have been you. I thought you would have understood, but apparently you don't seem to get my gesture.

I don't care what happens now because I think our friendship has lost its genuineness. I don't know if your act has served its purpose, but thanks, I am truly affected by your doing - the coldness you've been giving- which you are truly good at. Bravo.

I promise not to let you get in the way because you have caused so much heartache not even a lover could have caused. Not anymore. I thought you're a friend, but apparently you're not even close to being one.

I'm just being me and too bad you can't accept that. Because I have long accepted the fact of who you are and you don't seem to appreciate my tolerance and others for that matter.

So long.

a new member

As of Saturday, I am an aunt. I am now a Mak Su!

Alhamdulillah, my sister-in-law gave birth to a cute baby boy who weighs 3.8kg.

He is named Muhammad Adam Irfan bin Abdul Razak.

Welcome to the world, sweetie pie! Mak Su can't wait to cuddle and kiss you :)

However, we weren't able to meet him yet as he was immediately quarantined after birth due to a suspected lung infection. Poor baby! Only parents are allowed in the NICU, so the above picture is courtesy of my brother-in-law.

Today, we were informed that the report states that his lung is clear of any infection but he still has to stay for further monitoring.

I hope everything will be okay and he gets to go home in a good condition. He's been away from his mum for days now and I know how my sister-in-law longs to cuddle her baby.

Our prayers are with you, Adam!

recently

I'll let the pictures do the talking ok?

@Almeera's cukur jambul, my cousin's daughter.

Chubby Almeera AzZahra

The best kambing golek! Yum!

Well-fed. Great food Kak Fira!
(pictures courtesy of Farouk, my brother)

@Tandoori, for dinner

A pose for the camera before completely being blown away by the scrumptious, exotic North Indian dishes. The best!

Still waiting for the pics from Shaf's wedding. Have a great day people!

i need to breathe

I have been anticipating for 29th of March to come because it would be the day when everything would end. It's the climax for all of the hard work and time poured, sacrifices made, and probably the 3 most hectic and emotional months of my (and other teachers') life.

Yesterday, the District Level Choral Speaking Competition and the District Level Marching Competition (GO) were held - in which both I am involved directly and which I am passionate about. I don't think I have juggled my work and duty the way I did for the past months because of this obligation and also because the competitions were held on the same day.

Unlike other schools, our school sent its choral speaking team to compete for the first time this year. I was put incharge and I took the responsibility humbly. I don't think I have been this committed. The fact that the students willingly cooperate was a definite boost and I don't really mind coming home almost 5.30pm every single schooling day, for the past 3 months. I'm telling you, it's not an easy task handling 31 students especially for something which they were not exposed to that much.

Well, we didn't win - much to my expectation. Convent secured first place, again, after so many years. But, it was such a great experience for the students as they got to see other schools performed. However, I'm really proud of them because they did really well and I'd like to think that we gave quite a competition. Definitely a school to watch out for, I promise!

On top of that, I had to also handle the marching platoons together with other teachers. Oh boy, as if it wasn't emotional and tiring enough. Our school was the host, so you could imagine the pressure.

So anyway, to cut it short, our KPA platoons both won second place - quite a comeback for the boys after not winning for 3 years in a row. I wasn't around to share the victory as I was out with the Choral Speaking team. It's relieving that all was well and I finally can take a breather.

Only that was not really the case. I received a call yesterday afternoon saying that I have to be in PPD for 5 freakin' days. Like, hello??? I just got back and I could do with a little rest and some time with my students. Going to PPD means coming home late, sedentary days facing the laptop 9-5, and a cluttered head. Dealing with exam data is not a walk in the park. It's resentful but I have no choice but to do it anyway. Yang menurut perintah kan?

Oh, I can't wait for this to end!

yesterday

I was supposed to meet up with Diyana and Ana for lunch yesterday at Mid Valley but the plan was cancelled at the 11th hour. Being the one who planned it, I was also the one who called it off.

Diyana texted me around 12pm (when we should already be meeting) that her Project Director just arrived and she can't leave until her boss leaves. And that could take hours. I, on the other hand, had to leave by 1.30pm. I texted Ana and found out she had to run some errands and estimated to arrive at our meeting place around 1-ish.

Considering how rushed everything would be, I decided that another lunch gathering would compensate this, especially when everybody would be around - even if it means having to wait for the upcoming school holidays. We could have met if I didn't have to follow such restricted timing. Sorry girls.

Since there was no more plan, I just had lunch with my mum, brother and sister who followed as they wanted to window-shop there.

On the way to The Gardens for lunch

While waiting for our Korean dishes @The Gardens' foodcourt
(pictures were Instragram-ed, an application my brother downloaded from iTunes. love how the pictures turned out to be very Polaroid-like)

And another one taken from last night's dinner,

@Nandos
(Heee, my husband is chubby kan? Everybody said so but him haha well, I think I'm gaining a few pounds too yikes!)

Happy Weekend, people!

a shot to the heart

I did my colleague a favor a few days ago by taking over her extra class. Later that evening, she texted me asking how did the class go.

Her : Tasha, how was it? Did the kids respond to you, tell me if they didn't.
Me : It went well. I did writing with them. Don't worry.
Her : Worried about you, not them.

I was honestly taken aback. Her reply was nothing I expected and it took me awhile to really understand what she really meant (in which I didn't until now). Was she concerned that I wasn't capable of handling her class, which she passed to me in the first place? If she did, I don't think she should have said something as hurtful as that, should she?

All I'm getting is just negativity out of her message. A thank you would have been nice.

only words

"I started knowing myself the day I stopped pleasing you" - Sue Sylvester from Glee

If there's one thing about Glee that I absolutely love, it's what the casts utter. I looked forward to every episode for any phrases that are worth quoting and there seem to be many. They make me laugh and cry. For the most part, I love Glee for the sarcasm it delivers. The above line was from yesterday's episode, in which I cried watching. It was simply beautiful and it touched my heart in every way. Well of course the line above was not in the beautiful part. More like in the scene where Sue was having a feud with her mother. But I like it all the same.

I was surprised I cried that bad, really. It was probably because the ending part centers on family and how beautiful and sacred weddings can be. The words, the toast proposed - they're all simple yet they get to the heart. Plus, the Bruno Mars' songs were simply a perfect coating to all of that.

Words are really beautiful if they are uttered sincerely and straight from the heart.

missed calls

Not many know that I palpitate whenever any unknown number calls in. I've experienced enough to be this traumatized, not even once having the urge to answer the call.

I don't know about you, but my phone has been receiving calls from all sorts of service cards companies of late (well, actually for the past 7 months), which after several own investigations, turned out to be under one company. Let me tell you what they did. They will call, introduce themselves and said they are just checking on your credit cards, and somehow managed to con you into paying an amount of money for a year insurance and other benefits whenever you shop and if you want to travel. It's like a discount card of some sort that enables you to get special price at selected retail outlets and complimentaries from hotels.

I have to be honest, the first time I received that call, I was talked into believing that it's beneficial. Although I had to pay, I didn't mind because the benefits got me. The second time, I failed to bail myself out from a very persistent lady which left me regretting for having to pay another amount of money. The third and next calls somehow got me too because the tactic they used of asking me to confirm my details trapped me. No matter how persistent I was on wanting to disagree and accept the cards and insurance offered, I gave in. I just don't know why. I guess I was too tired to argue and I was too angry to speak anymore further.

Then one fateful day came. I received another call from a lady 'claiming' she's from another Service Card Center. My heartbeat was towering and I was breathing so fast. My hands were shaking literally.I was cursing silently as I decided to answer that unregistered number. The moment she uttered the words "Okay, saya hanya nak confirmkan maklumat Puan ya. Boleh tak..." I cut her in quickly. I said almost sternly that I am not interested and thank you for calling. The last thing I need right now is another card which you people keep on offering. Thank you. I put down the phone before she could even responded. I was satisfied. I did the same when another similar call received. I cut him at the introduction.

It struck me as weird though that my husband has never received such calls (yet). Thinking about it makes me so angry you have no idea. Now, I still receive incoming, unfamiliar numbers. I ignored them - yes, every single one of them - unless they text me later introducing themselves. You see, sometimes I have teachers from other schools calling to ask about Headcount, my students calling to ask this and that.

And for that, I'm sorry for any unanswered calls.

Owh, and just out of curiosity, have you experienced any of this?