undomestic goddess

After this morning, I can say that I still have a long way to go to become a domestic goddess. Why? It took me half an hour to actually figure the washing machine out (which is kinda stupid) although mom has pre-briefed me about it. Half-an-hour! How to get married like this? Basuh baju guna washing machine pun terkial-kial lagi! Such time wasted when I could have done other household chores.

You see, mom's currently not at home. She's been warded to the hospital yesterday for she is very low in hemoglobin (like 6 low). The doctor freaked out (more than mama) that he insisted mama to be warded immediately. So the house and its content has been left for me to look after since ayah is taking care of her.

The house is kinda dead when mama's not around. I guess the heart's of a house sure is the mother. She makes the house alive and breathing for she runs it. I'm not complaining about the chores--not at all. They made me appreciate mama more. It's just that while I was throwing the thrash, it hits me that she's been doing these all her life! She quit her job right after I was born to take care of me and my siblings and she's been a stayed home mom ever since. She sacrificed everything. And she has never complained.

I wonder if things might have been different had she not quit her job; if the three of us might have turned out to be different beings.

I hope mama gets well soon.

For now, I think I do mama proud because the house is in good hands. Haha I've done everything it feels like I'm a superwoman. Now, to the gym!

dear friends...

I think I need to stop complaining and whining secretly about work when mine is nothing compared to the uphill tasks my other friends have to shoulder. Makes me feel like an ungrateful being as my abundance of work is probably 5% of their mounting responsibilities.

My empathy goes out to all of you, dear friends, because I truly understand what you are going through. I know it can get absolutely frustrating, like the world is going against you; like you are alone in a vast area with no one to turn to; that the work is never-ending.

But remember, "God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you into Diamonds. So stay precious always as a teacher" (Thanks Durra, for the message).

Cannot wait for next week to come when I'll be seeing most of you!

another season ended

So. Adam Lambert did not win. I'm pretty crushed, no doubt. My sister is emotionally-affected of its absurdity she's acting all weird and funny.

But I kinda expected Kris to be crowned. Apparently, Adam's raw talent and wide-ranging vocals were not enough for the voters. So what if he turns out to be gay? I'm not saying he is, but who cares. I love you still, Adam!

Ayah must be ecstatic! Haha

daily laughters

I know I've said this countless times before and I'm going to say it again for the umpteenth time; I have weird-behaving students--and with 'weird' I mean unnerving, discomforting acts which somehow seize me into laughter.

My Form 2 boy, Fazdil, was acting all gloomy one morning. Resisting the urge to ignore (he's one attention seeker and he's like a volcano always erupting at the most unexpected times), I politely asked him,"Fazdil, kenapa sedih?"

Fazdil, with his head cupped in his hands, looked up to me with the most miserable-looking face I've ever seen and whined, "Teacherrrr, saya macam nak demam sebab saya tak dapat belasah orang harini....".

I was statued to the ground. And yes, he actually said 'belasah'. I didn't even respond to him.

**********

And what do you do when a boy said this so matter-of-factly :

"Teacher, saya nak kahwin dengan teacher. Ayah teacher dah bagi green light"

(Another voice interrupted :"Kau BM pun gagal, ada hati nak kahwin dengan teacher")

"Takpe teacher, BM gagal takpe. Yang penting hantaran"

***********

A boy shuffled all the way to the teacher's table to pass-up his book because... well, just because. Tak paham.

************

In the midst of a lesson, my Form 4 boy came to the front and hit hard on a girl's head and went back to his seat like nothing happened. Poor girl cried real bad. I can totally tolerate ADHD, but that eluded me.

************

Where else can you get such daily perks? :)

bilik guru dan guru-gurunya

They say the bilik guru or staffroom is a political place with reasons.

In this world, there are two groups of people; the dumper and the dumpee, the prey and the victim, and the most common, the talker/gossiper and the one being talked/gossiped about.

I'd like to shift your attention to the last group mentioned.

We cannot run away from being the gossiper (come on, we do that on a daily basis without even realising it, no?) and also being the one who is talked about. If you're chosen, congratulations, you've just been put under the spotlight!

I do understand that one nosy hummingbird is enough to spread the dirt to other prying ones. Soon, the buzzing sounds can be heard even if they seem to not open their mouths. Talking about mouth diarrhea.

In my case, the meddlesome birds are none other than the nosy, busybody, hypocritical teachers who can't seem to find better things to do than gossip. Ever since I first stepped foot here, first impressions hadn't fail me yet. Many times, I reserved my comments to myself thinking that I might be wrong, but many times too, circumstances revealed the opposite.

I don't get it. Why do some just had to be so interfering, scrutinizing every single thing that others do? Of course, it would be a different story if you are definitely in the wrong. I am not saying I am the victim here (at least not yet) but I am tired of having to witness some pitiful teachers who have been the target of such terrible jealousy.

Today, I had to (again) lend my shoulders to the same teacher who I am currently working together with on Headcounts. She was so stressed it was apparent in her face. Teachers would probably understand when I say that working on Headcounts is a tedious job, not to mention absolutely tiring especially if you are the penyelaras. So yes, compliments are very much appreciated when we had done a good job especially when they come from the Principal.

Apparently, this turned out to be an issue.

This teacher was accused of wanting to bodek and tunjuk baik depan Pengetua. Konon-konon rajin. I couldn't contain my fury because firstly, you don't know how hard she works her a** off on the never-ending headcounts; and secondly, don't talk much if you are among the ones who slowed down our work. If they think they know better, please, by all means, ambillah jawatan ini dan sila bekerja keras. I don't think they would want that post anyway so why the appaling accusations?

Simple. Covetous people do exist and that's what they do.

I might have been their topic of interest too. Well, if they really want to talk about me, I might as well give them something to talk about kan?

I never liked the ambiance of a bilik guru anyway. It always sends out a negative vibe to me. One hell of a gossip nest.

special

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

I came home from the gym this morning to find this on my bed :

My heart flipped!


And guess what was inside?


Ooohhh yeessss. I definitely need them!


I have one thoughtful family. Looks like they have added another special occasion to our family's annual celebrations. Thank you!

It's a great feeling knowing that I am Cikgu Tasha; that I am that special someone who plants the seeds. Well, I could definitely live with that :)

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down, but,
No, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most
Just got to keep going
And I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Teaching is the only major occupation of man for which we have not yet developed tools that make an average person capable of competence and performance. In teaching we rely on the "naturals," the ones who somehow know how to teach.

~Peter Drucker~

Happy Teacher's Day to me and my fellow comrades :)

is this the end?

If I could turn back time, I would have fixed today so that it won't turn out to be as agonizing and testing.

Never in my life I've felt so sad, exhausted, and absolutely drained. I am truly affected by their doings and behaviours.

Is it any wonder why teachers are among the people who frequent the hospitals and also among the majority who are most likely to end up at the mental institutions? Research has proven that.

I wonder too, what are today's parents doing? Gone all the virtues and respect; the good that is supposed to equip their kids from home. But I don't blame them parents entirely although what is portrayed by their children is enough to provide a snapshot of the kind of background they come from.

I think today's younger generation has lost that goodness. They disrespect the elders like nobody's business and true enough, they turn out to be a bunch of hopeless kids.

They are in a terminal condition.

I think I might have just given up on them.

spread the love

I have so much of energy right now that I am fidgeting. I wish I could have channeled it at the gym had I gone for that Cardio class, but since it's J-Card Day, I'd rather save myself the hassle of searching for a parking spot. Plus, it's Wednesday--the American Idol day--and I do not want to miss out on watching Adam Lambert in action. And boy, Adam is one talented guy. My dad is now his number 1 fan. How surprising!

It's been a funny week this week. And the one prior. I think I'm experiencing dejavu. Although weird, this whole thing somehow brings energy to my body. I don't have an explanation to that, but the fidgeting has got to be one of the effects. And I am always on my toes. I must have looked like an eager beaver on the run.

Anyway, I've been waiting for this picture! She is going to be a mummy soon. And I luuurrrrvveee playing with your belly, hommie!


And congratulations to Iwani on your recent engagement.


Also, to my beloved Farhan who got engaged last weekend too. I wish I could make it to your ceremony.

Oh well.

All the happiness in the world to all of you. And to me too! :)

headcount

I'm blurred that I can't even think straight.

Whoever came up with SAP and Headcounts, you are accountable for the mounting work that teachers (read : me) have to cope.

My Monday was burnt to the ashes just thinking about it. And I went home late--again.

I don't (at all) fancy the post : Penolong Penyelaras Headcount. It sounds super cool, but the job is not even close.

I have an inkling that I will be the face of HC and SAP for the years to come.

Now I wish I am not a fast learner.

read 'em books!

It's already the fifth month of the year and it is by far the year of the slath for me. By that I mean in reading. Unlike previous years, I have only managed to finish 2 novels in 5 months and to me that's quite a shameful achievement.

It took me approximately 3 months to finish Shalimar the Clown. It is undoubtedly a thick book of 649 pages. It traveled to quite a number of places outside of Selangor with me, but still, progression was very snail-like.

Then, I bought The Book Thief--dated 2 months back--which apparently I finished 2 days ago.

I seriously recommend this book regardless of it being a Young Adult. I love it!

Yesterday, I went on a mission to splurge on numerous books which I have been eyeing. However, I got frsutrated when I couldn't get most of the books that I wanted. But, one book saved the day (yeay!) :I hope to finish it by the end of this month before I can indulge in other unputdownable books. And that reminds me, I have Lionel Shriver's The Post-Birthday World--I might have forgotten its existence--to waddle my way through; a book which I have read not even a quarter of it. Shame!

So let's not waste any time, shall we?

will i be patient enough?

4 years ago, I looked forward to this year with such disdain. Back then, another 4 years seemed like a long, never-ending road. I was even calculating on my life whether or not I would live to feel what being 24 is like. Looking back, those 4 years spent to get to today was nothing. Well, to say 'nothing' is probably an understatement because loads had happened actually. But what I'm trying to say is that 4 years came and went just as fast.

4 years ago, I was 20 years old. Still a teenager. I felt so young. And it was prior to the year that I flew to Australia and became a resident there for 2 years. Now, it has been 2 years since I came back for good.

See? 4 years are nothing. I bid goodbye and I was welcomed home again--in a blink of an eye.

4 years ago, I envisioned the day when I would be completing my degree. Now, it will only be a matter of time when the much-valued scroll of paper will be handed to me.

4 years ago, I never thought that I would reach this stage; that I will be turning 24 come October 4th (wow!). The fact that I even made it to my 24th year of existence is something that I should be really thankful for and not take it for granted.

So I ask myself now: What does waiting another 3 years can do to me? After all, I've gone through 4 solid years without even realising that I've made it this far.

But still, 3 years down the road surely isn't a short wait. And I'm not getting any younger, too. How? I don't think I'm good at coaxing myself.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

I hope so.

it's not there

Lately, I don't feel fulfilled--or maybe I've finally realised that I don't accomplish much. This barrenness I'm feeling makes me anxious; makes me want to venture more but I can't quite unveil the vagueness.

I wish I am more of an opportunist. I know I can do so much by just stepping out of my cistern. But I don't. And they say, things won't come dropping from the sky by just wishing. You have to work for it--and that's the root of all my problems.

I have been grappling, too. On quite a number of things, actually. Makes me wonder whether I have sidetracked that much. I yearn for something. I long for that hole to be filled in. I miss that soothing feeling that pulls me back, whenever I know I have gone a tad too far astray.

I want that familiar contentment. Where is it, I wonder?

deceitful

The school is, without a doubt, a treacherous place.

A teacher's job is supposed to be crude.

Back then, if I were to answer, "What does a teacher do?", I would be able to reply even without thinking. That my answer would be, "A teacher imparts knowledge and teach the students". Followed by all other cliched responses one is sooo used to hearing.

Now, if I am asked a similar question, this is what my answer would be like :

"A teacher joins the assembly every single morning, take the students' attendance and rush to the office to return the attendance book on time. A teacher steps into the class every single day, making sure that all students are in class, count them numerous times just to make sure the number is right because you are made accountable. A teacher spends the first 15 minutes trying extremely hard to calm the monkeys in class, making sure everyone is seated, have their books, and finds that only 15 minutes are left for tnl before the bell rings. A teacher attends numerous meetings and is forced to leave the classes. A teacher has to write many paperworks and shoulder clerical jobs that marking students' books are done, say, once in a blue moon? A teacher holds many special posts that with each, comes tedious work and responsibilities. A teacher chases students who skip classes and search every nook and corners for students who smoke. In short, a teacher does everything, but teach"

I should have known.

The realization hits me hard that I am now terminal.

I just want to do what I was trained to do. I want to be a teacher. Not a clerk.

I should have known.

not as pleasing

I was late by 3 days. And I finally got my monthly visit in the wee hours of the morning. Phewww..

But, relief is short-lived as pain took over. And this has got to be the worst cramp ever. So being in school today wasn't as pleasing as always. Thank God for the AADK talk which took 2 periods of my English class--I got to rest. If it's not for my bulging conscience, I would have snored throughout for sure. That guy seriously needs to get himself a copy of Dummies for presenters.

And I skipped the Weekly Dialogue for the first time. Wee-hoo! I feel so cool. Ha!

Reason? Kecemasan.

Oh Yeah. My cramp is kecemasan, alright. Plus, I didn't have an extra pad with me. So, if anything happens, .... well, let's just say that I saved myself from all the drama and embarrassment. Just how exactly am I going to put that down in a more formal and acceptable manner, is still being considered hard. I'm talking about the surat tunjuk sebab, if you're wondering.

***********************

I'm still torn, by the way. Why do great events just have to be held on the same day? Coincidency happens a lot to me lately. Is this some kind of a test? Because if it is, well, I now know who I really am--that Tasha lets her priority aside and give way to her feelings.

reality check

It was one of those conversations when you know you've touched a chord and that it made perfect sense because nothing is sure when the future is concerned.

I finally told Rizal one of the things that I fear most once we get married--if I won't be able to conceive and produce us a descent which is the ultimate reason why man and woman decide to get married in the first place.

I was afraid of bringing up this issue before because I was concerned on where it would lead the conversation and mostly, I was anxious on what his response would be.

A nonchalant start turned out to be a quite serious discussion. I can't deny that I wasn't the least affected. In fact, the conversation left me a little affected--emotionally. The rhetorics got the best of me and at one point I could tell I was on the verge of breaking down.

I don't think I am over thinking nor am I being dramatic. We can never be sure, can we? It is just one of the things that bug me until I do something with it. I was quite happy that I confronted him and braved myself to even discuss something as serious as that; although parts of the conversation weren't too pleasing for my ears' liking. But hey, I asked, and he gave me (what I hope) were genuine answers.

I pray to You--and I pray hard. For we can only plan, but it is You who dispose.

monthly indulgence

Today was exceptionally fun. I wouldn't say spending is total fun when it nearly burnt a whole in my wallet but I enjoyed it because it is the first time I've ever shopped for stuffs which I really wanted ever since ... well, moons ago? So I don't really mind, although I have to say that money doesn't buy much these days. With RM100 in hand, you could probably get a simple top (with the simplest design one could imagine) but one which carries a brand. And everybody knows that it's the name that adds on to the moolah.

I always have this thing about branded items. I get easily upset when I see items which do not deserve to cost that sky-high. It's plain ridiculous, really. It's probably the foreign rates but I just don't get it why it has to be that costly. But then again, maybe quality is the reason. Ah, never mind. I wear simple clothes and I don't mind at all that most of my clothes are brandless. After all, doesn't the story The Necklace taught you enough? Haha! Fabulousity doesn't need a lot of money if you know how to.

And if there is anything in the world that I don't mind spending--even if it means giving away a huge sum of my money--would be handbags!! Oh yeaah! They make me go jelly. Speaking of which earlier, I had a heart-flipped over this gorgeous handbag of a colour that I have been dying to own. You guessed it right--I bought it in an instant heartbeat! And what was more surprising was it didn't even cost me that much. It was a good catch, actually.

I just have to anticipate Rizal's response when he sees me with another handbag again tomorrow. I'm pretty sure he's relieved that he's not a female. Oh well, he'd understand! :)

unexplainable

You know, there are some things which are unexplainable--pretty much self-explanatory. That's why you don't bother telling it to people--because it is hard to explain.

When your feeling is unexplainable, you either deal with it, or let it be just because.

And I think that's the wonders of it because not everything has to be delivered. Or to be told; to be expressed. That some feelings are bound to be felt by us alone. And no one else.

That's why some things you can't explain. No right words can even replace the magic you're feeling. Because it is only for you to enjoy and be all happy about it :)

So, the next time if we're happy, and we know it, but don't quite know how exactly to explain, savour it, shall we?