like a child

It's so easy being a child. I wish I have the heart of an innocent child. You don't have egos. You quarrel and the next minute you and the other friend become the best of friends again without feeling the least offended. You don't mind crying and fussing over things publicly because you know others wouldn't mind; because you're just a child. You can say whatever is in your mind and people won't take it too seriously because, well, just because you're a child. Because you're a child, you can get away with things.

And because you're a child, you can be possessive over things or a person and people won't even care. Just because you're a child, and a child is allowed to act that way.

But if I act that way, I know I will disgust some people and they will say "Why are you acting like a child?"

I'm telling you now. I don't have as many friends as some people do. The friends that I keep to date are very small and of whom I care and love dearly. Yes, I met many new acquaintances along the way but I prefer to go back to the small circle of friends whom I feel very comfortable with, who know me inside out. And these people are among the longest pals I have been growing up with.

So if I know that one friend is trying to 'steal' my best friend from me, and trying to be all secretive about certain things, and acting all different when I'm around, can I not freak out and be jealous? After all, we've been together for so long until the other friend came into the picture. How hurting is that? And to think that the best friend is always, always being extra nice to the other friend and even not support me when I had a fit with this other friend, is just so frustrating. I guess I am a possessive friend after all. Can I not be?

It's like some parts of me are being ripped away. I feel so dejected. Angry. And I'm starting to be hypocritical. I'm starting to find faults in every single thing that the other friend is doing or wearing or acting. Because I feel like I'm allowed to. Sometimes, I can't get myself to be happy when good things happen to this other friend. Do I feel guilty? Yes, but I don't care because I know I'm allowed to feel otherwise.

Does this make me a bad person? I don't know. But I think I'm allowed to act that way even though I'm not a child.