internal affair

A lot of things happened lately. I worry for ayah, the things he had to endure--which I believe are tests from the Almighty. The last time ayah fell 'sick' was the time when we had anticipated the worst. All of us were in a state which we never expected to be in and never will again. I've never seen ayah cried that bad and somehow it's starting to happen again.

I hate it when others do this to my dad. Yes, blood ties will never die but I don't like how that is being used as a mean to get to something; to achieve their hidden agenda, to use it as the only solution to everything. Ayah has the kindest heart and apparently people take that for granted.

I don't like how all this has turned out and especially how it has made me. As much as I want to deny it, I've accumulated a certain disgust whenever a certain uncle or aunty from my paternal family is mentioned. For so long, I've been patient and mute, I've been the listener to conversations sewn with tears and unspeakable angst. I believe I am in no position to dwell in 'orang tua' business but I'm not that young, innocent, naive little girl anymore. I know what is happening and I know my family's rights.

If it's not for my senses and my patience, I would have stepped forward and shoot them with my words. But I still respect the elders although they don't always show the best of examples.

I keep on telling myself that Allah is great and He is testing us now. And I pray everyday that He makes us strong and show us the right path and that we make the right decisions.

"And We shall try you until We test those among you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your reported (mettle)" - 47 : 31

And no, this post is not at all related to the previous one (in case you're wondering)